Random Notes, September 2023

 I write essays when I can. In the meantime: 

+ About two weeks ago, I attended my 20-year high school reunion. I tend to get anxious about reconnecting with people I haven't seen in a long time, and this event was no exception. I went to a fairly large high school in the Chicago suburbs, and getting over 500 people to agree on a day, time, and location was a Herculean effort, so that alone made my attendance an obligation. In the end, about 125 of us had an epic reminiscence at a Loyal Order of Moose lodge, guzzling domestic beer and eating mediocre delivery pizza.

+ The first Trump-free GOP debate was a futile exercise. The second was a hot mess. The uneasy slog to an inevitable Trump-Biden rematch continues, and the race to GOP second place truly offers no winners. 

+ Not to belabor the point, but the modern GOP really *can't* get their shit together. Speaker McCarthy has done little to prevent another government shutdown; his quench for congressional power apparently means kowtowing to the fringe right. 

+ Dianne Feinstein was a liberal stalwart and one of the first LGBTQ allies on the national political stage. She'll be missed, but like Ruth Bader Ginsburg before her, she held on for far longer than she needed to and was too stubborn to just retire. 

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32 Teams, 32 Haiku: My 2023 NFL Preview

 

After a remarkably wild summer here in Chicago --at least, as the weather as concerned-- football season sort of crept up on us. The Cubs are watchable but not contending, and the other city sports offerings have been a letdown, so why not get in on the Bears at entry level? As for the NFL as a whole, the AFC has a surplus of elite QBs, balanced out by an NFC that has quality wideouts to spare, and a good set of linebackers are a commodity no matter where you are. With world champion Kansas City hosting Detroit --two interesting teams, but hardly a rivalry-- to start the year, where does everyone really stand? 

Yes, I'm starting my annual pigskin delve with my boldest prediction. 

*notes wild card

NFC NORTH

1. Lions (10-7). Music in Motown/again; in Great Lakes dogfight/kitties claw to top.

2. Vikings (9-8). Close wins, lucky breaks/won’t sustain; can Flores fix/the secondary?

3. Bears (8-9). Fields is fun to watch/but wins are scant; porous D/curbs any progress.

4. Packers (7-10). No summer of Love/in Wisconsin tundra; soft/D evokes Swiss cheese.

NFC EAST

1. Eagles (13-4). Iffy holding calls/aside, vengeance is likely/so elite, it Hurts.

2. Cowboys (10-7)*. Dak says he won't throw/15 interceptions... he'll/throw 16 instead.

3. Giants (8-9). This year’s boom or bust/squad; Daboll and Jones will thrive/or fail, simply put.

4. Commanders (5-12). New owners, who dis?/Crafty D, patchwork O means/more Beltway boredom.

NFC SOUTH

1. Saints (10-7). Oil of Olave/keeps the Carr running; deep D/won’t just pump the brakes.

2. Falcons (8-9). Boo-birds’ high-flying/…ground game? Lack of wideouts eye/of the rebuild storm.

3. Buccaneers (7-10). Brady to Baker/saves some doubloons; younger squad/barely stays afloat.

4. Panthers (6-11). Young Bryce scurries as/O-line falters; low-key D/is Cats’ saving grace.

NFC WEST

1. 49ers (13-4). Purdy persuasion/regardless of who's QB/loaded O will feast.

2. Seahawks (10-7)*. I was wrong about/Geno; offbeat Gulls win with/excess receivers.

3. Rams (7-10). Absurd dead cap space/aging Stafford and Donald/not bad… but a mess.

4. Cardinals (3-14). Marquise attraction/wideout carries O while/Kyler recovers. 

AFC NORTH

1. Bengals (12-5). No average Joes/here; win-now mindset gives Chase/but windows can close.

2. Ravens (11-6)*. Receiver upgrade/(finally) lets Lamar throw/outside the numbers.

3. Steelers (9-8). Rarely bad, that’s not/news; how wicked will Pickett/be in season two?

4. Browns (7-10). D upgrades help, but/Watson rubs us the wrong way/even with a Chubb.

AFC EAST

1. Bills (14-3). If Hyde, Poyer, and/Von can stay healthy, they’ll break/records (and tables).

2. Dolphins (12-5)*. Tua is ready/assuming he’s healthy, or/he’ll die on his Hill.

3. Jets (10-7)*. Does Rodgers play out/of pocket… or a cave? There’s/something in the Sauce.

4. Patriots (7-10). How the tables turn/Mac must attack, or Kraft will/Jones for a rebuild.

AFC SOUTH

1. Jaguars (10-7). Lawrence won’t welk; new/targets burnish his Pro Bowl/case. Cue the bubbles!

2. Titans (8-9). Levis better learn/quick; solid D can’t cover/atrocious O-line.

3. Colts (6-11). It’s Tony Dimes’ time/run-happy O obscures young/buck under center.

4. Texans (5-12). Young with upside, yet/briskly cowed by injuries/new O-line might stun. 

AFC WEST

1. Chiefs (14-3). Youthful D is boom/or bust; with Mahomes, they’ll romp/the West anyway.

2. Chargers (11-6)*. Color me shocked if/they win a playoff game for/once; Horse Knob Herbert?

3. Broncos (8-9). Forget the diva/treatment, Peyton will force Russ/to earn his paycheck.

4. Raiders (5-12). Too many Pats’ hand/me downs (Jimmy G, Hoyer)/hold back Josh Jacobs.

NFL MVP: Patrick Mahomes, Chiefs

Offensive POY: Christian McCaffrey, Niners

Defensive POY: Ahmad “Sauce” Gardner, Jets

Offensive ROY: Bijan Robinson, Falcons

Defensive ROY: Jalen Carter, Eagles

First Head Coach Fired: Josh McDaniels, Raiders

Super Bowl LVIII: Niners 30, Bills 26

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