Wednesday, September 5, 2012

32 Teams, 32 Haiku: My 2012 NFL Preview

For the last two years, I've been posting my MLB preview with a weird, poetic twist: each of my forecasts have been styled as a haiku. After half-hearting my NFL preview last year, and  the Giants-Cowboys game going on as I write this, I've chosen to mete that approach to the pigskin. I dare Chris Berman to wax poetic like this.

*denotes Wild Card

NFC North
1. Packers (13-3) Only more to hate/for the petulant Bears fan/more dominance? Damn...
2. Lions* (10-6) Go Megatron go/menace of the vertical/our most worthy foe.
3. Bears* (9-7) Cutler to Marshall/looks good on paper; the D/has this fan concerned.
4. Vikings (3-13) All Day, you must play/even if your team fails you/you're here to compete.
NFC East
1. Eagles (11-5) Vick, the X factor/the dog killer, boom or bust?/Keep the ball, he runs.
2. Giants (9-7) Above average/in so many ways, I doubt/they'll repeat as champs.
3. Cowboys (6-10) Still overrated/improved secondary, sure/but O-line will flop.
4. Redskins (5-11) Welcome RG3/the DC field general/star of the future.
NFC South
1. Falcons (10-6) Solid division/do not underrate Ryan/someone must be first.
2. Saints (9-7) Oh yeah, Bountygate/no quicker picker upper/can clean this mess up.
3. Panthers (8-8) Cam Newton's apple/the running backs are quite ripe/can they play spoiler?
4. Buccaneers (2-14) Linebacker train wreck/that terrible run defense/still unwatchable.
NFC West
1. 49ers (10-6) Alex Smith? Okay/unlikely Super Bowl fave/with a damn fine D.
2. Seahawks (7-9) Matt Flynn will suffice/competant sans protection/the D will surprise.
3. Cardinals (6-10) No pass protection/a QB controversy/poor Fitzgerald seethes.
4. Rams (4-12) Poor Steven Jackson/Bradford blows, the team is limp/such a great burden.

AFC North
1. Steelers (12-4) Big Ben throws that ball/but must avoid turnovers/get well, Mendenhall!
2. Ravens* (11-5) Rice is a beast, but/the O-line can't cover left/otherwise, flawless.
3. Bengals (6-10) Outstanding D-line/squandered by unproven backs/and overwhelmed youth.
4. Browns (2-14) They're still terrible/rivals: you're not missing much/expect a quick win.
AFC East
1. Patriots (13-3) The easiest sked/nobody likes the Pats, but/obey thy master.
2. Bills (8-8) Most improved roster/their defense is no secret/can Fitz stop the picks?
3. Jets (7-9) The Tebow drama/tires many; distraction/for a weak offense.
4. Dolphins (3-13) On paper, awful/an unproven QB and/too many questions.
AFC South
1. Texans (10-6) Finally, playoffs!/Two in a row is likely/with Foster and Tate.
2. Titans (7-9) Least improved roster/old QB and a weak draft/barely .500.
3. Colts (5-11) Andrew Luck won't suck/a future great earns his chops/amongst weak talent.
4. Jaguars (4-12) Love the receivers/they'll make the Jags worth watching/because '12 is lost.
AFC West
1. Chargers (11-5) Their misfit head coach/is a liability/comes up short again.
2. Broncos* (10-6) Enter P. Manning/mile high expectations/the genius fights on.
3. Chiefs (7-9) '10 was a big fluke/Jamaal Charles, young hero/when his knee is fine.
4. Raiders (5-11) Allen, young head coach/the bar has been set quite low/there is no pressure.

Super Bowl XLVII: Patriots 35, Eagles 20

Your thoughts?


  1. The only thing I feel good about with the Cardinals is that the D looks like it could be very good.

    Also expecting Baltimore to win the Super Bowl, Miami to get the #1 overall pick.

  2. Looks like the NFC North is going to be a 4-way tie for 1-1.

    With Forte out probably 4+ weeks, the Bears could be on a losing streak.