Thursday, September 6, 2018

32 Teams, 32 Haiku: My 2018 NFL Preview


I meant to post this before the Falcons-Iggles game tonight, so I apologize for the delay:

Another NFL season is upon us. Much like the Western Conference in the NBA, its clear the NFC has an overall edge on the AFC. Where the NFC North and West expect to be extremely competitive, the AFC North and South are a motley crew of uninspiring, so-so squads. Even with the Eagles boasting two elite, proven quarterbacks the competition in their own conference took a step up. The AFC has the Pats, Steelers, Texans, maybe the Bolts... and everyone else.

With that said, here is my 2018 NFL forecast, 17 syllables at a time:

NOTE: asterisks indicate wild cards

NFC North
1. Vikings. (10-6) Yum, a healthy Cook/makes rushing game savory/balance is the key.
2. Packers*. (10-6) Rodgers, China doll/weak O-line fails at their job/a legend is cheesed.
3. Bears. (7-9) The Monsters are back/D upgrades overshadow/raw, feral offense.
4. Lions. (7-9) Time for "Patty Ball"/Stafford finally has help/young D still growing.

NFC East
1. Eagles. (11-5) Foles the folk hero/must not lay an egg; repeat/depends on tough sked.
2. Giants. (9-7) Saquon, savior/finally, a rushing game/but no scoring D.
3. Cowboys. (8-8) O-line injuries/flattens the Dak; all eyes on/young secondary.
4. Redskins. (4-12) Their play-action game/doesn't fit Smith; on defense/more taters than Hogs.

NFC South
1. Saints. (11-5) Williams' gaffe aside/a team with this much bench depth/should be canonized.
2. Falcons*. (10-6) 28 to 3/still lingers; Ridley can run/believe it or not!
3. Panthers. (7-9) Beyond Cam, the O/is more kitten than cat; watch/the superb D-line.
4. Bucs. (5-11) A pure zone D can/only do so much; Jameis/needs to mature, stat!

NFC West
1. Rams. (12-4) Simply dynamic/don't scoff at Goff's weapons/One flaw? LB depth.
2. 49ers. (9-7) High-end defense picks/must earn their paychecks; Jimmy/G. can't do it all.
3. Seahawks. (7-9) Drama, now rebuild/Wilson needs a running back/new guys must produce.
4. Cardinals. (6-10) Suspect new head coach/inherits rare QB depth/birds fly if healthy.

AFC North
1. Steelers. (11-5) Big Ben clangs along/young edge rushers carry D/makes high-scoring thrills.
2. Ravens. (8-8) The "Wolf Pack" is back/a healthy Flacco still rolls/my playoff sleeper.
3. Bengals. (7-9) New O-line, who dey?/that Burfict situation/leaves hole at LB.
4. Browns. (4-12) A slow crawl back up/no new Hue, they're still orange/but upgrades intrigue.

AFC East
1. Patriots. (11-5) Brady, immortal?/Don't let yards allowed fool you/the machine rolls on.
2. Bills. (7-9) After fluke playoff/run, lack of receivers send/bison back to earth.
3. Dolphins. (6-10) Murphy's Law season/has passed; head coach must prove his/Gase or be fired.
4. Jets. (4-12) No clear-cut QB/top notch D wasted by green/faces on offense.

AFC South
1. Texans. (10-6) Bounce-back quite likely/a (healthy) dear Watson is/elementary.
2. Titans*. (9-7) Everything weighs/on Mariota's health; good/depth is not enough.
3. Jaguars. (8-8) This defense has claws/underappreciated/Bortles runs the ball.
4. Colts. (5-11) Luck is running out/Hilton aside, the whole South/has passed these ponies.

AFC West
1. Chargers. (10-6) The sacks keep coming/and underrated Rivers/keeps offense floating.
2. Chiefs*. (9-7) Young Mahomes has toys/but porous D persists; will/the hotshot grow up?
3. Broncos. (6-10) No horsing around/at QB, a puzzling Case/fans might get a Chubb.
4. Raiders. (5-11) Davis and Chucky/wheel and deal without mercy/Vegas move distracts.

NFL MVP: Todd Gurley, Rams
Offensive ROY: Saquon Barkley, Giants
Defensive ROY: Roquan Smith, Bears
First Head Coach Fired: Hue Jackson, Browns
Super Bowl LIII: Patriots 25, Rams 20

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