30 Teams, 30 Haiku: My 2019 Baseball Preview

Happy Opening Day, everyone! Even though the 2019 season officially kicked off with two M's-A's games (and a disappointingly anti-climatic end to Ichiro's career) in Japan, it really starts today. The sesquicentennial of professional baseball begins with a number of interesting stories, least of all the battle of "haves" and "have-nots" in the American League. Maybe one team finishes at .500? The chasm between second and third place in the AL Central is already giving me vertigo.

Speaking of the AL Central... I spent last year watching Kansas City and thinking, "yeah, these are the Royals I grew up with." Expectations were modest before the Salvador Perez injury; we (allegedly) have the fastest team in the league, but our rotation has only three MLB-caliber pitchers and our lights-out bullpen from just five years ago is long, long gone. Ah well, at least we're not the Tigers or White Sox.

As for the predictions... you know the drill.

NL EAST
1. Phillies. Bryce? That's pretty nice/Kapler's micromanaging/might be a hindrance.
2. Braves*. Before you ask me/Kolby is not my cousin/...though I surely wish.
3. Nationals. "Rolling with Robles"/Scherzer and young bats ensure/.500 record.
4. Mets. Some curious moves/older, still injury-prone/Diaz? He's legit.
5. Marlins. New colors, same crap/unwatchable hodgepodge of/old, mediocre.

NL CENTRAL
1. Brewers. So underrated/winning with brains and Braun, and/if Nelson breaks out.
2. Cubs*. Windows are closing/meager farm system behind/mostly intact squad.
3. Cardinals. What glitters isn't/Goldy; ace bullpen carries/load off meh SP's.
4. Reds. Sonny days ahead/overhaul has flash, though lack/of depth curbs progress.
5. Pirates. Frugal ownership/stifles; just a weird roster/...or a motley crew?

NL WEST
1. Dodgers. Surplus of pitching/a fading Kershaw is still/rather dangerous.
2. Rockies. Good pitching at Coors?/Only up front; weak bullpen/will curb pennant dreams.
3. Padres. A deep farm system/paired with Machado makes for/2020 hype.
4. D-Backs. All pitching, no bats/losing Souza was brutal/they'll start from scratch soon.
5. Giants. Good grief, this outfield/Bochy stayed one year too long/they'll unload vets soon.

AL EAST
1. Red Sox. Kimbrel's departure/hurts, the rest remains intact/too much depth to lose.
2. Yankees*. Well-rounded as it/is, then they bolster the 'pen?/Easy to Judge that.
3. Rays*. Openers? COME ON/yet the die-hard fans will say/"Wham bam, thank you Pham!"
4. Blue Jays. Not contending, but/make way for little Vlady/and other raw youths.
5. Orioles. Bad, but not boring/new bosses experiment/as youth learns to fly.

AL CENTRAL
1. Indians. Win now, mad scramble/all that Bauer power must/carry the Tribe load.
2. Twins. Underachieving/prospects finally clean up/sleeper playoff team?
3. Royals. No Salvy splashes/the youngsters barely keep their/heads above water.
4. Tigers. A waste of Miggy/but I'll take Gardy over/Ausmus any day.
5. White Sox. Rebuilding hiccups/Eloy and Giolito/need to mature, fast.

AL WEST
1. Astros. Dangerous youth and/a full year of Correa/builds a dynasty.
2. A's. Sketchy rotation/fails to compliment power/bats; home run derby?
3. Angels. Keep swimming, Mike Trout/solid long-term deal, but this/year? They need prayers.
4. Rangers. Gallo, free swinger/symbolizes team gap year/Andrus trade looms near.
5. Mariners. So much turnover/Hunter Strickland, angry fool/throws heat everywhere.

AL MVP: Mike Trout, Angels
NL MVP: Nolan Arenado, Rockies
AL Cy Young: Trevor Bauer, Indians
NL Cy Young: Jacob deGrom, Mets
AL ROY: Vladimir Guerrero Jr., Blue Jays
NL ROY: Nick Senzel, Reds
First Manager Fired: Mickey Callaway, Mets
2019 World Series: Astros over Dodgers

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