Up The Palace

 Had I been blogging as consistently as I did for the first seven years, largely during my time as an editor and forum moderator at TV.com, I would have reached the milestone of 700 posts about four years ago. Alas, I have my skewer in too many fires nowadays, and I fear that my attention span has dwindled as well. Regardless, for everyone who has been reading this at any point with any consistency since June 2005, I thank you. 

Speaking of long anticipated milestones, the Queen is dead. The reign of Britain's Elizabeth II, which lasted a record 70 years, began and ended during uncertain times in the kingdom's history. When her father Edward VI passed in 1952, the UK was still rebuilding in every sense from World War II. Her son, the awkward, entitled doofus now called Charles III, inherits an energy crisis, bad PR from his brother *and* daughter-in-law, and a teetering post-Brexit economy. On top of that, his Prime Minister had only been on the job two days when his mum passed. 

Charles III has always been the butt of jokes, so some Britons have taken solace in what will be a quick coronation and likely a short reign. (Well, relatively speaking.) Where Elizabeth was the embodiment of grace and consistency in her improbably long run, Charles is not known for either. Approaching his 74th birthday, England's first king since the early 1950s has a unique learning curve. He also inherits a kingdom that, over half a century removed from the death of imperialism, is slowly reckoning with its history of pillaging and enslavement. 

Will God save the king? Only time will tell.

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32 Teams, 32 Haiku: My 2022 NFL Preview

 

I work best with deadlines, so naturally I tend to make sports predictions mere hours (in some cases, minutes) before the first game of the season starts. Even if my Bears aren't challenging anyone this year, there's always another storyline to latch on in the NFL. Without further ado, my annual football forecast:

AFC NORTH

1. Bengals (11-6) Overachievers/must claw past improved rivals/Burrow won’t (h)airball.

2. Ravens* (10-7) Rejuvenated/and maybe healthy; birds won’t/drop six straight again.

3. Steelers (8-9) Will Tomlin’s streak end?/QB play, most curious/No questions on D.

4. Browns (6-11) Deshaun suspension/casts a pall; run-first O will/settle for Brissett.

AFC EAST

1. Bills (13-4) Madcap playoff loss/motivates; Allen isn’t/joshing; too much depth.

2. Dolphins* (10-7) Tua must grow up/all the other pieces are/here for playoff run.

3. Patriots (9-8) O-line questions wracks/Mac’s apple; no OC or/DC? I’m confused.

4. Jets (5-12) Gang Green upswing; Zach/and strong draft class will excite/but not contend yet.

AFC SOUTH

1. Titans (10-7) Tannehill for now/but Malik is the future/to serve King Henry.

2. Colts (9-8) WIll Matty Ice melt/under pressure? Playoff dreams/must be Taylor-made.

3. Jaguars (4-13) Did Urban ruin/T-Law? Lush free agent adds/for bonus baby.

4. Texans (2-15) Lovie among the/ruins; inexperience/makes for rough viewing.

AFC WEST

1. Chiefs (12-5) Fresh faces and tough/schedule vex Mahomes; they/just need good Juju.

2. Chargers* (10-7) The record deceives/Herbert became elite quick/in deep division.

3. Broncos (8-9) No top tier QBs/drafted since Elway; Russ won’t/make much difference.

4. Raiders (8-9) Offense upgrades might/finally help Carr; Crosby/takes D to the Maxx.

NFC NORTH

1. Packers (12-5) Run-happy offense/result of hefty Rodgers/deal; title or bust.

2. Vikings* (10-7) Top tier O always/undercut; pass rush upgrade/might not be enough.

3. Bears (7-10) Give Roquan that cash/new stadium drama means/two rebuilds in town.

4. Lions (6-11) Optimist Campbell/wants this team to be mmm, mmm/good; cats make small gains.

NFC EAST

1. Eagles (11-6) Several good drafts/offer youth and upside, but/AJ Brown don’t clown.

2. Cowboys* (9-8) Tyron Smith’s bum knee/might unspool the whole D; Dak/*better* stay healthy.

3. Commanders (8-9) Wentz under center/finally gives McLaurin/potential breakout.

4. Giants (4-13) Judge, executed/rebuild back at zero, not/unlike “Groundhog Day.”

NFC SOUTH

1. Bucs (12-5) Tom Brady’s portrait/ages in an attic; new/coach Oscar Wilde?

2. Saints (8-9) Bayou oddity/Who Dat D will carry load/not chancy Jameis.

3. Panthers (7-10) Are Baker and Sam/good or awful QBs? My/best answer is yes. 

4. Falcons (3-14) Angelo and Pace/Chicago legends bring their/winning ways deep south.

NFC WEST

1. Rams (11-6) Status quo reigns, though/Matt is one year older; depth/is a concern, too.

2. Cardinals* (10-7) Kyler the bookworm/leads them through controversy/death, and bad PR.

3. Niners (8-9) Lance will be a lot/lack of free agent legroom/gives off win-now vibe.

4. Seahawks (6-11) Legion of Boom ends/with a fizzle; best QB/option is… Geno?

*denotes wild card

OTHER PICKS:

NFL MVP: Jonathan Taylor, Colts
Offensive ROY: Chris Olave, Saints
Defensive ROY: Aidan Hutchinson, Lions
First Head Coach Fired: Matt Rhule, Panthers
Super Bowl LVII: Bills 30, Rams 27

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