A House, Disordered

We inherited a mess.

After months of struggling to find our aunt's lawyer, we reached out to our lawyer as a last resort. They found an attorney based in Chicago proper, and after a long convo, I reluctantly agreed to be trustee for my aunt's estate. (The two trustees she appointed, my father and her husband, are both long dead.) Her house in Naperville is the entire estate, and we also inherited a mortgage and other debts. Additionally, her sister-in-law was also bequeathed money. When all is said and done, my sister and I might break even. 

When we made out first posthumous visit to the house last July, we did not make a positive impression on the house's caretaker, our aunt's next-door neighbor. This time, we showed him the paperwork, and he agreed to cooperate. Before we walked in, he warned us that there might have been some flooding in the basement. There was a snowstorm in the area in mid-January, and he hadn't been in the house since around New Year's. 

Indeed, there was flooding. About five feet of standing water, just sitting there for about a month. We called State Farm, our aunt's insurer, and they won't help because the heat was turned off. The house permeates with black mold, so have to open windows and wear masks. Thankfully, most of items we want weren't in the basement, but there's still the matter of making the house inhabitable again.

Stay tuned.

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Departing the Machine

From 2019 until the middle of last year, I contributed to a satirical newspaper called the Chicago Machine. It was a strictly online entity, a tabloid in the loosest sense, in the vein of The Onion and its countless imitators. Citing lack of interest, the Machine quietly shut down late last year; however, I had several articles and news "briefs" in the Trello queue that never saw the light of day. I'm especially fond of this one. (NOTE: I wrote this nearly a year ago.)

Seven months into hospice care, former U.S. President and humanitarian Jimmy Carter finished the 2023 Chicago Marathon in two hours, 58 minutes. Runners and marathon staff was shocked to see the 99-year-old not only standing on his own two feet, but finished in the middle of the pack in one of the world’s highest-profile foot races. Carter attributed his performance to Jesus and a high-carb diet.

After finishing a post-race Clif bar, Carter said he will fly back down to his hometown of Plains, GA and have “insane sex” with his wife of 77 years, Rosalynn.

I suppose if I have any personal nitpick about this piece, it's that The Onion posted several Carter stories in the wake of his hospice announcement last winter. However, I'll attribute that to parallel thought. 

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