Saturday, March 30, 2013

30 Teams, 30 Haiku: My 2013 Baseball Preview

As promised, and for the third year in a row, I present my annual baseball prognostications in the form of a 17-syllable poem. I was tempted to do iambic pentameter this year, but the Bard's tongue could do no justice for Miami or Houston.

(asterisks note wild cards)


1. Nationals. That's a clown question/bro, if you think this team takes/a big step backward.
2. Braves. Hail, Upton brothers!/may you find your swing again/to rescue the arms.
3. Phillies. Revere? Improvement?/and an aging Halladay/means no title run.
4. Mets. D'Arnaud, the next Fisk?/paired with the Wright solution/maybe a sleeper.
5. Marlins. So many questions/but the answer's still "purge"/Loria must sell.

1. Reds. My, what dominance/the hunt for Red October/begins in April.
2. Cardinals*. Dogfight for second/sturdy veterans do help/when they're not injured.
3. Pirates. .500 or bust/a generation of crap/may come to an end.
4. Brewers. The smallest market/will fight for respect all year/alas, Braun's still here.
5. Cubs. This is no shocker/another year of youth rule/or no direction?

1. Dodgers. Hello big spenders/Yankees of the Sunset Strip/the stakes are quite high.
2. Giants*. Champions, conquered?/still strong, but if Lincecum/fades again, who knows?
3. D-Backs. Transparent goodness/but not dominant at all/Eaton will produce.
4. Padres. Someone must be fourth/small market, no direction/there's your punching bag.
5. Rockies. This downward spiral/hits bottom; needs more pitching/Tulo can't carry.

1. Blue Jays. Egad, they've improved!/Canadian invasion/conquers eastern foes.
2. Rays*. Maddon's formula/hot starters, dark horse closers/enough to compete.
3. Yankees. Bombers have fizzled/old, injured, and weary/maybe 80 wins.
4. Orioles. Was '12 a big fluke?/likely reality check/after career years.
5. Red Sox. Hot mess at Fenway/youth movement or saving face?/I don't expect much.

1. Tigers. Simply dominant/the best keeps getting better/though age may loom large.
2. White Sox. Dunn swings at fast junk/the fans sing "Come Sale Away"/but the boat has left.
3. Royals. Bolstered rotation/also seeking .500/ridiculed no more.
4. Indians. Some shaky pitching/overlooked; (thanks, Nick Swisher)/equals same old Tribe.
5. Twins. Mauer and the bums/a star among the so-so/Joe deserves better.

1. Angels. Hambone, Pujols, Trout/on paper, this is just sick/best in wild west.
2. Athletics*. They're young, but no fluke/Beane keeps finding ways to win/soon to dominate.
3. Rangers. Many X-factors/not the same from '11/run production sags.
4. Mariners. Felix, but no bats/so in a strong division/a struggle awaits.
5. Astros. New league, same old pains/Altuve, a unique find/for cellar dwellers.

NL MVP: Joey Votto, Reds
AL MVP: Mike Trout, Angels
NL Cy Young: Stephen Strasburg, Nationals
AL Cy Young: Justin Verlander, Tigers
NL ROY: Julio Teheran, Braves
AL ROY: Wil Myers, Rays
First Manager Fired: Bud Black, Padres
2013 World Series: Tigers over Reds in 5

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Prose not required.


  1. The Dodgers definitely won't unseat the champs

  2. Yeah I am worried that Lincecum will "fade", as you say. HAHA BUT THE PADRES. OMG pretty much.

  3. Thanks Erika! I'm always glad to hear from a new reader.