30 Teams, 30 Haiku: My 2020 Baseball Preview

This might be the first time I've ever had to write my annual baseball haikus in a t-shirt and shorts. I'm normally waiting for nicer weather, not trying to compose my thoughts in the middle of a heatwave. Let's not kid ourselves, this long-delayed and truncated 2020 baseball season is going to feel very different. Only 60 games, no fans in the stands, a number of "name" players opting out, the lingering presence of COVID-19. As far as forecasts go, this might be the trickiest baseball preview I've ever had to write. I fear that most of the rosters will be 50% Triple-A guys that wouldn't get a shot in a normal context.

Regardless, I'll try to break it down, 17 soma at a time:

NL EAST
1. Phillies (41-19) Didi? And Wheeler?/deep pockets; win-now mindset/but Bryce must rack up.
2. Nationals* (39-21) It's the Soto Show/Kieboom, a firecracker?/new Beltway bombers.
3. Braves (31-29) It's all Ronald now/will starting pitching wobble/in tough division?
4. Mets (29-31) Yoenis, stay away/from wild boars! Injuries/curb all their progress.
5. Marlins (20-40) Good, young pitching here/but run support is meager/not yet relevant.

NL CENTRAL
1. Brewers (37-23) Not as much power/bye Moose, adios Eric/but will still compete.
2. Cardinals* (35-25) A healthy Yadi/would be nice; only the 'Birds/make winning boring.
3. Reds (31-29) All bats, no defense/still improved, yet hunt for Red/October sails on.
4. Cubs (28-32) Another step back/old arms and Grandpa Rossy/can't fix leadoff woes.
5. Pirates (24-36) After bad trades, these/Bucs are frugal; for now, just/enjoy the skyline.

NL WEST
1. Dodgers (43-17) Best team, no question/Betts rides to pennant in a/Lux interior.
2. Padres* (34-26) Hoz, Manny, youngsters/Friars now have a playoff/prayer. Hail Mary!
3. Rockies* (33-27) Gifted on offense/(as usual) though Nolan/drama will distract.
4. D-Backs (25-35) MadBum and Kole were/good adds, but Marte needs to/repeat his '19.
5. Giants (21-39) A new era dawns/surplus of outfielders is/the only intrigue.

AL EAST
1. Yankees (44-16) No Aroldis? Crap!/Surplus of offense still leads/way to playoff run.
2. Rays* (33-27) No star power, no/problem! Low budget wonders/"open" up the East.
3. Red Sox (30-30) No Mookie, no Sale/proves costly; will JD have/to wait for highlights?
4. Blue Jays (28-32) Vlady, Bo, Cavan/Progeny? Nepotism?/Hope for the future.
5. Orioles (19-41) Young guns and loose parts/the disarray continues/Adley, take your time.

AL CENTRAL
1. Twins (41-19) Call the Bomba Squad/last year's sleeper got better/and doubled their fun.
2. Indians* (31-29) The young arms intrigue/Lindor trade rumors linger/a good team in flux.
3. White Sox (30-30) Resurgent... almost/they're another year away/but these kids can play.
4. Royals (25-35) Who is catching here?/Soler power not enough/to help weak pitching.
5. Tigers (22-38) Carole Baskin, save/these cats! Young arms, old Miggy/very little else.

AL WEST
1. Astros (40-20) After "Banghazi"/expect a few HBPs/and villain status.
2. Athletics* (34-26) Healthy pitching would/help topple cheaters; good bats/only do so much.
3. Angels* (32-28) Fishing without Trout/Halos still have depth and arms/to at least compete.
4. Rangers (29-31) Monster rotation/burdened by weak run support/spurs lots of strikeouts.
5. Mariners (23-37) Major FOMO now/King Felix is gone, and the/serfs are not up yet.

(asterisks note wild cards, not cheating)

AL MVP: Anthony Rendon, Angels
NL MVP: Mookie Betts, Dodgers
AL Cy Young: Gerrit Cole, Yankees
NL Cy Young: Jacob deGrom, Mets
AL ROY: Luis Robert, White Sox
NL ROY: Dylan Carlson, Cardinals
First Manager Fired: Torey Lovullo, D-Backs
2020 World Series: Dodgers over Yankees in 6

(654)