Mourning in America

Glad tidings to those of you who stuck around!

It wasn't just the electoral college-- he won the popular vote, too. Apparently, serious character issues, naked bigotry, and old age doesn't faze 51% of American voters. Trump galvanized the uninformed in 2016, and did so even more in 2024. In hindsight, now I see why Trump's Nuremberg-like rallies devolved into open mics and impromptu dance parties: he knew he had it in the bag.

Why did Kamala Harris lose? Exit polls suggest she lost support from Black men and especially Latino men, and never found footing with white men. Even though the economy improved under Biden and inflation gradually stagnated, it was hard to ignore the administration's overly patient approach to immigration, as well as a clumsy response to the Israeli-Hamas war. Progressives grew frustrated with Secretary of State Blinken (Biden's point man in the Middle East) in a no-win situation, but there's even more disappointment in Attorney General Merrick Garland. The administration's crown jewel, a sprawling infrastructure improvement program, will probably be left to rot. 

I had hoped that we were turning a chapter in American history. Instead, the worldwide pattern of totalitarianism has found footing where the international sport of soccer never quite has: the United States. In lieu of Messi, we have messy. I don't know what the next four years behold. On one hand, Trump is so notoriously distracted that he seldom follows through on threats and promises; on the other hand, he now has a legion of lapdogs that can do that for him. 

I've let the news settle in my head for over a week now, but it still feels noxious. To no one's surprise, most of Trump's cabinet appointments have been almost exclusively yes-men and bootlickers. If your instinct is to resist, keep resisting. The battle is lost, but the fight isn't over. 

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The Teeter-Totter of Democracy

I'll be succinct:

I've been writing this blog for almost 20 years. This is my 10th election cycle, presidential, midterm or otherwise. I have always believed in the democratic process and the distinctly American necessity of voting. Since my first impassioned plea in 2006, my biannual pep talk has steadily grown more partisan, and not by choice. Even then, the necessity of voting in elections --primaries, midterms, or in the general-- remains pivotal. I voted early this year, but with days to go, I'm still on pins and needles.

To paraphrase one wise writer: Donald Trump is a poor man's idea of a rich man, a moron's idea of a smart man, and a failure's idea of a successful man. Nothing about him has changed since 2015, give or take some old age memory loss. I don't need to reiterate all the awful things he's said and done, and that he's never truly been qualified for the job. His ardent supporters couldn't care less; this election cycle has become less about this antics and more about a blind, confounding hatred for his opponent. The "death of democracy" talk is not blown out of proportion. 

Holy f***, vote for Kamala.

If you disagree, we don't have to communicate or interact ever again. Vote for Kamala.

To everyone else, I'll see you in November.

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Apples and Oranges

The two recent debates were an intriguing contrast. The presidential showdown was what I expected; Vice President Harris knew exactly how to prod Donald Trump, and he took the bait. The vice presidential debate, however was so contrasting in energy that it almost felt like a relic from decades past. JD Vance was poised the whole way but couldn't help but lie to augment his argument (again, *almost* a throwback); Tim Walz looked a little out of place at first, but held his own the rest of the way. 

With three-plus weeks until the election, the contrasts go well beyond how the candidates present themselves on TV. The Trump misinformation machine is in high gear, accelerated by Vance, who isn't afraid to make crap up if it supports his argument. Joe Biden is making the most of a lame-duck presidency, and the Harris/Walz campaign (for better or worse) is an avatar for staying the course. 

As I write this, the presidency, US House, *and* US Senate are all up for grabs. Polls suggest Democrats hold a razor-thin lead in all three, and the aftermath of 2016 should remind everyone nothing is guaranteed. The anxiety is palpable. 

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32 Teams, 32 Haiku: My (Slightly Delayed) 2024 NFL Preview

Due to circumstance, I did not finish my annual pigskin forecast until after the Chiefs-Ravens game was completed, but just before the Packers-Eagles Brazil tilt. Regardless, to my small but loyal legion of readers (and short-form poetry enthusiasts) I didn't want to let you down.

*asterisks note wild cards

AFC NORTH

1. Ravens (12-5) One toe over the/line, sweet Jesus; next time, give/the ball to Henry.

2. Bengals* (10-7) Young and well-scouted/a full season of healthy/Joe really matters.

3. Steelers (7-10) About average/(again), assuming Wilson/has anything left.

4. Browns (5-12) Stefanski, sous chef/cooks with odd ingredients/but these Dawgs eat bones.

AFC EAST

1. Dolphins (11-6) Still feasting on bad/teams; do they have the Wright stuff/to really contend?

2. Bills (10-7) Wide right? Wide left? Give/Allen some targets first, *then*/rebuild special teams.

3. Jets (8-9) Improved on paper/but Rodgers is 40 and/he's not Tom Brady.

4. Patriots (3-14) Maye day, Maye day! These/Yanks are spiraling; pass rush/only saving grace.

AFC SOUTH

1. Texans (11-6) Say it's loud, they're back/and it's Stroud; healthy targets/augment the danger.

2. Jaguars (9-8) Beyond Trevor, these/cats are mid; blond bomber needs/a full top-tier year.

3. Colts (8-9) On paper, Tony/and Taylor should feast; they're dark/horses if healthy.

4. Titans (7-10) New pass-happy O/compliment corner upgrades/but Levis still stinks.

AFC WEST

1. Chiefs (12-5) Super Bowl three-peat/seems imminent, but yes, let's/fixate on Taylor.

2. Chargers* (10-7) History versus/Harbaugh; salary cap curbs/progress or fortunes.

3. Raiders (8-9) Defense… to the Maxx!/Receivers carry slapdash/O; in short, middling.

4. Broncos (6-11) Nix takes his licks; quick/release, book smarts turns fillies/into dark horses.

NFC NORTH

1. Lions (12-5) Outside receiver/sole concern; the claws are out/at long last, Motown!

2. Bears* (10-7) Caleb, golden boy/the elite QB they've dreamed/of, or next Cutler?

3. Packers (8-9) Nice try, Romeo/Love has other options; new/D scheme is X-factor.

4. Vikings (7-10) No JJ? Oh boy/this O is only as good/as Darnold serves up.

NFC EAST

1. Eagles (11-5) Mere thoughts of last year's/collapse still Hurt(s); with Saquon/there's no room to fail.

2. Cowboys (9-8) No changes, all in/win a title or rebuild/like Jerry Jones' face.

3. Giants (7-10) Dimes or Cutlets, this/O is boom or bust; pass rush/carries wobbly D.

4. Commanders (4-13) Patchwork O-line sinks/Beltway betterment; Jayden/will miss LSU.

NFC SOUTH

1. Falcons (10-7) A healthy Cousins/hears London calling; middling/D overt setback.

2. Buccaneers (9-8) Baker and Evans/a fun combo, but can they/establish the run?

3. Saints (7-10) A gumbo of "ifs"/O-line attrition, aging/D, and so-so Carr.

4. Panthers (4-13) Wee Young, next Flutie/sings “Mingo was his name-o”/as rebuild protracts.

NFC WEST

1. Niners (12-5) The next team with a/Super Bowl hangover; one/fears how they'll falter.

2. Cardinals* (11-6) An O starvin' for/Marvin; if all goes right, eat/drink, and be Murray!

3. Rams* (10-7) Avila carries/soft O-line; aging Stoddard/has one good year left.

4. Seahawks (8-9) Good receivers, doomed/in strong West; top-tier ST/keeps birds from crashing.

NFL MVP: Patrick Mahomes, Chiefs
OROY: Caleb Williams, Bears
DROY: Laiatu Latu, Colts
First head coach fired: Brian Daboll, Giants
Super Bowl LIX: Chiefs over Lions, 30-20

Thoughts?

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Room For Another

 My roommate, Cord Friis was killed in a traffic accident on July 20th. He was heading home from a memorial when a Prius hit his motorcycle; he died from blunt force trauma. This was a eulogy I intended to give:

I can’t say I knew Cord for a long time. We were roommates for a little under five years. I moved into the apartment in November 2019, mere months before the pandemic shut everything down. We hit it off almost immediately. We both grew up fans of The Simpsons, and we would occasionally quote lines from 90s episodes to each other. In this instance, I am reminded of the end of the season seven episode “Two Bad Neighbors,” where Homer meets former President Gerald Ford. Basically, Ford walks up to Homer and asks, “Do you like football? Do you like nachos? We can drink beer and watch the football game.” Cord straight-up said we had a lot in common and that this would be a good living arrangement. 

I cannot understate what a luxury it was to have a chef as a roommate during peak COVID. We feasted like kings. However, Cord was used to keeping second shift hours and was a perfectionist in the kitchen. Thus, dinner wasn't ready most nights until after 10 PM, but damn was it good. I’m not a broccoli cheddar guy, but he made exquisite broccoli cheddar soup.

As you’d imagine, Cord and I frequently talked about sports, especially football. We bonded over Da Bears; if I heard him screaming at the TV, I knew he had the game on. Even though he was a Cubs fan, he tolerated my 2015 Royals World Series flag in the dining room. It was a treat to have someone I could talk sports with in the house, something I hadn't enjoyed since my father died 8 1/2 years ago.

Cord was also a prankster, and when I first heard Cord was in the accident, in the back of my mind I thought he was pulling a fast one. Then I realized he wouldn’t leave behind the cat and the plants without any notice, let alone a fridge filled with his groceries. With that said, Meowser is fine, but she’s still a little confused. The plants haven’t said a word.

In the days following his sudden death, it was a challenge to go about my normal routine. My friend and improv partner Dan Anderson invited me to a Cubs-Brewers game at Wrigley that following Tuesday. After the game, I tried my luck at getting autographs outside the Brewers’ team bus on Sheffield Avenue. The first player to stop outside was a relief pitcher named Jared Koenig, and I was taken aback by his resemblance to Cord. You can Google him right now if you don’t believe me. Regardless, Jared signed my baseball card, and he was polite and gracious with the fans. I suppose I took this weird coincidence that everything must be just fine.

With that said, I had intended to say most of this out loud at Cord's celebration of life last Saturday. I want to thank Marcy and Jillian for trying to give me an opportunity to say a few words; the time never came. There was a Bears preseason game, and I was imaging that he'd be emotionally invested in that meaningless scrimmage. Regardless, I’m sure Cord would’ve appreciated this memorial.

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Flip This Ticket

I hope I publish this post before something else major happens. Good grief.

Call it the Kamala effect. Since the Vice President took the reins from President Biden on July 21st, the Democrats have raised over a quarter billion dollars nationally, she instantly took the lead in polls in several swing states, and brought new energy into an otherwise interminable election cycle. The timing was uncanny; Biden wasn't going to back out during the RNC, but opted to do so a couple days after, to curb the traditional post-convention bump.

Even though Harris was a strong presence on the campaign trail, her first run for the Oval Office in late 2019 was undercut by financial issues. Now she has the message *and* the war chest. It also puts the onus of age squarely on Trump, who won the June debate by default but still rambles like Abraham Simpson at his frequent rallies. There's also the prosecutor versus felon angle. Even with the dramatic boost in donations, the race has gone from a narrow Trump lead to a virtual tie nationally, and there's still three months of brinksmanship to go. 

Now the question, who will be the veep's veep? Probably a middle-aged white guy with liberal, not necessarily progressive leanings. JB Pritzker would be a good pick (local bias) but Tim Walz would also be suitable. Either would look relatively sane --and safe-- compared to an awkward, jejune, trust fund doofus like JD Vance.

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Somehow Shatterproof

 (Ed. note: here we go again. I wrote this before President Biden dropped out of the race. More on that in a few days.)

There is no polite, let alone cogent way to say a Donald Trump assassination attempt was inevitable. Just because something like this hasn't happened in most of our lifetimes doesn't mean something this ghastly couldn't happen. Even though his fellow conservatives will make this out like when John Hinckley shot Ronald Reagan, early reports indicate it was more like when Squeaky Fromme tried to take out Gerald Ford. (The major difference is that Fromme completely missed.) Trump has also tied himself in history with Teddy Roosevelt and Robert F. Kennedy Sr, two candidates that were targeted on the campaign trail. For that reason, the MAGA base is galvanized even more, their obsession ignoring that Trump's facial injury in the incident was the result of shattered plexiglass from the TelePrompTer, not a bullet.

Why do I insinuate that an attempt on Trump's life was inevitable? For nine years now, Trump has pandered to 2A and the NRA, a faction of conservative Americans that the GOP kept at arm's length for decades. His cult of personality has forced the Republican Party to pivot harder to the right, with a higher threshold for more extreme ideas and policies. That is not to say the now-deceased shooter was necessarily a disciple, but it's hard to deny he was encouraged. Additionally, while I would never condone murder, his agenda remains naked and concerning. 

Which brings me to his running mate and the RNC clown show. JD Vance has little in common with Trump besides being a pampered opportunist with a penchant for fabrication. He was a staunch never-Trumper conservative until it wasn't convenient to to do, then started suckling on the teat to advance his own political career. The convention itself had exactly two tolerable speeches; one was an earnest effort by Don Junior's teenage daughter, the other by a nonagenarian World War II vet (or as we call them nowadays, Antifa). Otherwise, it was recycled, exhausting vitriol in a moment when such discord was almost inappropriate.

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Ridin' With Biden (Until Sundown)

(Ed. note: I wrote most of this essay before the Trump assassination attempt. That will be the subject of my next post.)

It's been a rough few weeks for left-leaning ideologies. The SCOTUS' decision to allow ex-President Trump partial immunity for instigating January 6th is concerning, especially in yet another election cycle where he's polling around 50%. Project 2025 is looking less like a fringe-right wet dream and more like a handbook for how an emboldened Trump would navigate a second term. 

The greatest concern, however is the well-being of the incumbent. President Biden's performance in the first presidential debate was weak and doddering to the point of concerning, and even he admits that. He's our oldest president ever (82 this November) running against the man who would be the oldest elected ever (Trump turned 78 in June) and arguably neither is in top form. Where the GOP is dutifully propping up their guy, a panicky mutiny of sorts is growing among Democrats. Biden's own attempts to prove his worthiness have been mixed, further fanning the flames.

In the grand scheme of things this election cycle has been a slog, as galvanizing as drywall. Progressives, the hard right, and the media know it. If Biden is being bullied, he's not going to cave. There's also no consensus on who would succeed Biden on the ticket. It's an overblown debate when Democrats should rally against the greater evil, Donald Trump. To reiterate what I've been saying for 3 1/2 years, Biden is our best hope in spite his occasional senior moments. 

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A House, Still Disordered

 I've been too busy to type, so let me attempt to catch you up.

The water is out of my aunt's basement. My sister tried to DIY this with a rented pump, but she ultimately called a service. Our initial estimate was over $9,000 to drain and repair, so we only paid about $3,600 just for the water. We had a chance encounter with the neighborhood handyman, who has been very helpful. (I owe her money, but that's another story.) The basement itself is a 99% loss, and we can't pool any more of our own finances into further repairs. 

The objective now is cleaning up the top two floors for an estate sale in late July, then a short sale of the property. When all is said and done, we might make a meager profit; the house is in a nice neighborhood in upper-middle-class Naperville, but the needed repairs, estate debts, and legal fees will drain almost all of that money. The basement door remains shut, out of fear black mold could still spread.

Our other concern is the neighbors. The same family that were de facto caretakers took issue with how we were initially pumping out the water, and it's been contentious ever since. The handyman told us he's an entitled dick, and we should take his fuming and posturing with a grain of salt. 

Meanwhile... 34 counts. Forgive the delay on my comments, but in the wake of the Trump verdict four weeks ago, his base is just as galvanized as I feared. There's a 50/50 chance we'll get a president-elect under house arrest in south Florida.

Here's to 19 years of blogging. Let's see what awaits for year 20.

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Through a Freshman's Eyes: "Snakes on a Plane" Edition

 It's graduation season yet again. Another batch of high school seniors have achieved the minimum requirement of being a U.S. representative from Colorado. All joking aside, it's time for my annual "mindset list," as Beloit College used to publish every summer. This year's high school grads and incoming college kids were mostly born between late 2005 and mid-2006, and I try to explore their viewpoint of the world so far in their young lives.

With that said, if you are matriculating this year...

...New Orleans has never flooded.

...it has always been possible for a woman to be Chancellor of Germany. 

...Vicente Fox was never President of Mexico.

...the Vice President of the United States never shot a guy in the face.

...you've never shopped at Marshall Field's.

...you never found a severed finger in your Wendy's chili.

...it has always been possible to get a face transplant.

...Twitter (or X) has always existed.

...the Playstation 3 has always existed.

...Google has always owned YouTube.

..."sexting" has always been a thing.

...the Chicago White Sox have never won, or played in, a World Series.

...everyone knows Magnolia Cupcakes are crazy delicious. 

...you might run into Tina Fey and Maya Rudolph on a campus visit.*

...TV Guide has always been standard magazine size and never had local listings.

...you might also run into a girl who claims Enrique Iglesias is her nephew.

...Britney Spears and Kevin Federline were never married.

...Bob Denver, Justice William Rehnquist, Clarence "Gatemouth" Brown, Robert Wise, Sid Luft, Donn Clendenon, Simon Wiesenthal, Don Adams, Hamilton Camp, Nipsey Russell, August Wilson, Charles Rocket, Rosa Parks, Geoffrey Keen, Link Wray, Eddie Guerrero, Pat Morita, Vic Power, Richard Pryor, Eugene McCarthy, Michael Vale, Vincent Schiavelli, Patrick "Blue" Cranshaw, Lou Rawls, Jim Zulevic, Shelley Winters, Wilson Pickett, Chris Penn, Coretta Scott King, Wendy Wasserstein, Moira Shearer, Grandpa Al Lewis, Betty Friedan, Franklin Cover, Elton Dean, Peter Benchley, Ray Barretto, Harold Hunter, Curt Gowdy, Don Knotts, Dennis Weaver, Darrin McGavin, Harry Browne, Jack Wild, Kirby Puckett, Dana Reeve, Gordon Parks, John Profumo, Boom Boom Geoffrion, Slobodan Milošević, Maureen Stapleton, Oleg Cassini, Ray Meyer, Buck Owens, Jackie McLean, Gene Pitney, Proof, Muriel Spark, Steve Howe, John Kenneth Galbraith, Louis Rukeyser, Floyd Patterson, Jim Lemon, Lloyd Bentsen, Desmond Dekker, Craig "Ironhead" Heyward, Billy Preston, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the dog from "Frasier," Randy Walker, Kenneth Lay, Syd Barrett, June Allyson, Red Buttons, Mickey Spillane, Jack Warden, and Carl Brashear have always been dead.

*both had babies in Fall 2005

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Confessional Epilogue

In 2013 and 2017, I blogged about my fractious relationship with "Sandra." Even though she iced me out years ago, I attempted two or three times to reach out by email, the last time in Summer 2020. I thought the story was over until a recent development. 

A mutual high school acquaintance tipped me that Sandra was getting a divorce. I went to her Facebook --we're still friends, though we don't interact-- and noticed that any mention of her husband had disappeared. Then I went to her husband's FB and found what my confirmation: over a year ago, she started a Bumble account on the down low, met a guy and moved in with him. She essentially walked out on her two daughters and husband of almost nine years. 

I've never met Sandra's husband; they met in 2012, and he was babysitting when Sandra and I (among others) did dinner in July 2017. We've had one brief social media interaction. All he said was that Sandra posted a flowery response for shanking her marriage, but without a doubt, he was cucked. I heard from another mutual friend he has severe anxiety and wasn't handling this well. Without context, I hope he gets full custody of their two daughters.

To some extent, I'm not surprised. It took me a long time to realize Sandra's narcissism, but I knew her pattern of poor communication and acting on impulse. She didn't apologize for avoiding me in 2010, she simply justified why. When I thought we were going to reconnect in 2017, she was mostly avoidant all night. Perhaps my act of self-sabotage was, without reasoning mistakes, a blessing in disguise. I am unlikely to interact with Sandra or her estranged husband again, there's no need to. Weirdly, I feel almost validated in retrospect.

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30 Teams, 30 Haiku: My 2024 MLB Preview

 

Is it late March already? Spring training has closed shop, the lawns are cut, the dirt is pristine, and I already smell the $10 hot dogs and $12 beers. Baseball has started anew, and again I'm guardedly optimistic about my Royals. The AL Central is the weakest in baseball, and even last year's best team (the Twinkies) aren't necessarily striking the iron while it's hot. This division is wide open, and if the stars align KC might crack .500 and sneak into October ball. (Let me dream.)

As always, I cover all 30 teams, 17 syllables at a time. Asterisks note wild cards.

NL EAST

1. Braves. Can’t break their Stride(r)/barely anyone beats them/…except the Phillies.

2. Phillies.* Is Schwarber the next/Rob Deer, Frank Howard, or one/pudgy unicorn?

3. Marlins. Without Sandy, the/pitching still shines; injured Jazz/gives offense the blues. 

4. Mets. A healthy Edwin/ensures eight inning games; in/Flushing, they stand pat.

5. Nationals. Still, still rebuilding/patience on the Potomac/Wood, Crews not ready.

NL CENTRAL

1. Cubs. Third base needs Morel/support; enough talent to/put Taillon first place.

2. Reds. Young, deep, and feisty/once Elly figures out big/league pitching, watch out!

3. Cardinals. Last year? Rock bottom/the “Redbird Way” still needs a/GPS, pronto.

4. Brewers. Youthful rotation/suggests a rebuild, yet their/bats still foment runs.

5. Pirates. This frigate might win/70; Keller captains/soggy staff of arms.

NL WEST

1. Dodgers. Ohtani was a/sure bet; deep pockets, too big/to fail, boom or bust.

2. D-Backs.* Snakes alive, they’re still/a dark horse; rotation depth/remains an issue.

3. Padres.* Preller the seller/pared-back Friars must make more/with less; King must reign.

4. Giants. Webb of deception/was Kapler the issue, or/are they just middling?

5. Rockies. Thin air, thin talent/Rocky Mountain wayward can’t/trade injured Bryant.

AL EAST

1. Orioles. Early birds score the/runs; adios, Angelos/good morn, Baltimore!

2. Yankees.* Soto might give Judge/Juan shot at a title; Boone’s/hot seat is charring.

3. Rays.* Wander no more, this/team is focused on winning/now (they bargain well).

4. Blue Jays. Can anyone hit/besides Bo? Good rotation/begs for run support.

5. Red Sox. Strange mix of young, old/defense issues still linger/Cora tweaks the core.

AL CENTRAL

1. Guardians. The best by default/power outage, outfield woes/persist, yet still tops.

2. Twins. Playoff monkey off/their backs, slashed payroll boosts youth/Not enough lefties.

3. Royals. Bolstered bullpen hopes/Ragans is economic/amid well-paid arms.

4. Tigers. Detroit Mercy, health/is concerning here; young arms/counter greenhorn bats.

5. White Sox. Hired ex-Royals/aren’t needed; Reinsdorf wrecks this/club all by himself.

AL WEST

1. Astros. Victor, upgrade at/backstop; soft bullpen hinders/a constant lineup.

2. Rangers*. Early DL woes/raise concerns; Wyatt won’t be/quiet for too long.

3. Mariners. Middle of the road/O (besides J-Rod); arms must/rally ‘round Raleigh. 

4. Angels. Trout, Rendon, Detmers/need rebound years; leap (O’Hoppe?)/over .500?

5. Athletics. Mount Davis, old slum/Vegas move, complicated/Sad situation.

NL ROY: Yoshinobu Yamamoto, Dodgers

AL ROY: Wyatt Langford, Rangers

NL Cy Young: Zach Wheeler, Phillies

AL Cy Young: Kevin Gausman, Blue Jays

NL MVP: Ronald Acuna, Braves

AL MVP: Julio Rodriguez, Mariners

First Manager Fired: Bud Black, Rockies

2024 World Series: Dodgers over Rangers in 7

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Geezer Teaser

The primaries aren't quite over, but the result was a foregone conclusion six months ago: a rematch of Biden versus Trump, the first major party encore since Eisenhower and Stevenson in 1952 and 1956. (Pity the fellow Illinoisan-- our primary is still a week away.) As Jon Stewart attempted to point out a few weeks ago, Biden and Trump are also breaking the record for oldest presidential candidates since... the same two east coast grandfathers, four years ago.

The age difference between Trump and Biden is 3 1/2 years, and while there are obvious old age concerns, only one candidate seems to be in mental decline. The contrast was blatant this past week: Biden give a fiery State of the Union speech, belying his 81 years, while 77-year-old Trump looks increasingly tired and unfocused at his frequent Nuremberg rallies. One could blame Trump's weariness on all his legal woes, but I'd argue it's his undiagnosed diabetes. (For some personal perspective, my father died of "old age" at 78.)

Some of the Biden obloquy makes sense. His response to Gaza was has been lackadaisical for all involved parties. The economy is fine, and there is job growth, but inflation --or rather, simulated inflation by big business-- hasn't been tackled. Biden's first term has been a mixed bag, but there's no need to reiterate how we cannot let Trump pull a Grover Cleveland. This rematch is unappetizing for many Americans, but Joe Biden is the closest thing to a palatable option. 

Next week: my 2024 baseball preview.

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A House, Disordered

We inherited a mess.

After months of struggling to find our aunt's lawyer, we reached out to our lawyer as a last resort. They found an attorney based in Chicago proper, and after a long convo, I reluctantly agreed to be trustee for my aunt's estate. (The two trustees she appointed, my father and her husband, are both long dead.) Her house in Naperville is the entire estate, and we also inherited a mortgage and other debts. Additionally, her sister-in-law was also bequeathed money. When all is said and done, my sister and I might break even. 

When we made out first posthumous visit to the house last July, we did not make a positive impression on the house's caretaker, our aunt's next-door neighbor. This time, we showed him the paperwork, and he agreed to cooperate. Before we walked in, he warned us that there might have been some flooding in the basement. There was a snowstorm in the area in mid-January, and he hadn't been in the house since around New Year's. 

Indeed, there was flooding. About five feet of standing water, just sitting there for about a month. We called State Farm, our aunt's insurer, and they won't help because the heat was turned off. The house permeates with black mold, so have to open windows and wear masks. Thankfully, most of items we want weren't in the basement, but there's still the matter of making the house inhabitable again.

Stay tuned.

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Departing the Machine

From 2019 until the middle of last year, I contributed to a satirical newspaper called the Chicago Machine. It was a strictly online entity, a tabloid in the loosest sense, in the vein of The Onion and its countless imitators. Citing lack of interest, the Machine quietly shut down late last year; however, I had several articles and news "briefs" in the Trello queue that never saw the light of day. I'm especially fond of this one. (NOTE: I wrote this nearly a year ago.)

Seven months into hospice care, former U.S. President and humanitarian Jimmy Carter finished the 2023 Chicago Marathon in two hours, 58 minutes. Runners and marathon staff was shocked to see the 99-year-old not only standing on his own two feet, but finished in the middle of the pack in one of the world’s highest-profile foot races. Carter attributed his performance to Jesus and a high-carb diet.

After finishing a post-race Clif bar, Carter said he will fly back down to his hometown of Plains, GA and have “insane sex” with his wife of 77 years, Rosalynn.

I suppose if I have any personal nitpick about this piece, it's that The Onion posted several Carter stories in the wake of his hospice announcement last winter. However, I'll attribute that to parallel thought. 

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Wincing in the Winter

Happy 2024, one and all. I'm grateful that anyone still reads this.

I'm turning 40 this coming summer, and I'm not necessarily looking forward to the milestone. I'd like to do something special to mark the occasion, preferably travel, but money is kind of tight. I'm also reminded of my age almost daily; this year's high school seniors weren't born yet when I started this blog. (I intentionally excluded that from last year's mindset list.) The general manager of one radio station I worked at 20 years ago died of old age around Thanksgiving. 

With that said, to alleviate some debt I've started a Stu News Patreon. More info here.

Meanwhile... in 2024 as he did in 2016, Donald Trump is laying waste to a crowded yet weak crop of Republican presidential challengers. The Iowa Caucus was a mere confirmation. Even though 2016 was more of a logjam (17 candidates were debate-eligible at one point) the modern never-Trumpers in the GOP are both scant and in over their heads. Even though Asa Hutchison is still in the race (and polling at 1% at best), Nikki Haley and Ron DeSantis combined aren't enough to stop the America First tidal wave. It's sickening that people won't learn from past mistakes --conservatives have always been top-tier gaslighters-- but for a substantial percentage of the US population, an obese, misogynist oligarch in clear cognitive decline is the avatar of what might heal America. 

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