South Carolina On My Mind

Another week, another ugly primary. This time around, the mud is being slung in South Carolina, where character assassination has always been in the DNA of their political petri dish. During an online interview last week, state senator Jake Knotts referred to GOP gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley as a "raghead" and implied that the government is being taken over by Muslim radicals. As this article points out, Haley's parents are Sikhs of Indian descent, but she converted to Christianity in her early 20s. Though Knotts half-heartedly apologized several hours later, the damage might already be done. During this campaign, Haley has twice been accused of philandering by men with connections to her opponent, SC Lt. Governor Andre Bauer. Luckily, this potential sex scandal was dismissed as mere heresy, but the "raghead" slur carries heavy connotations in a state that's still shaking off its association with segregation 45-plus years after the Civil Rights Act.

Even though Haley is the chosen Tea Party candidate and nabbed an endorsement from Sarah Palin, I would rather see her take her party's nomination over Bauer. Proving that the Palmetto State can make social progress and cut down on race-baiting is one thing, but Haley would also wipe out an incumbent with strong ties not only to the ineffectual mainstream GOP but his infamous ex-boss as well. It's largely speculated that Bauer wasn't in command when former Gov. Mark Sanford disappeared to Argentina under the guise of a hiking trip, nor did he take a stance when the scandal broke out. In short Andre Bauer might be, regardless of whether he's Democrat or Republican, the single least-deserving candidate in an otherwise wide-open race. When South Carolina goes to the polls today, I hope they make a logical choice.

Other notes:

+ First Glenn Beck tries to connect Catholicism with socialist theory, now he's endorsing the writings of an anti-Semetic blowhard? How does anybody take this guy seriously?

+ Shameless plug: from now until Friday, June 11th, WDCB 90.9 FM in Chicago (my old work) is holding its quarterly pledge drive. If I somehow converted you into a WDCB listener in the past or you have a general appreciation for music-oriented public radio, feel free to pledge at http://wdcb.org/ or call in at 630-942-4200. Every contribution helps, regardless of the amount.

+ No word yet on how I did during my Second City audition, but I'll keep you guys posted.

Red State, White Knuckles, Bluegrass

Since the Kentucky primary was held two weeks ago, I've been fixated on the disturbing rise to prominence of GOP senatorial candidate Rand Paul. The son of outspoken libertarian intellectual Ron Paul, the Tea Party mouthpiece decimated Secretary of State Trey Grayson in a five-candidate runoff on May 18th. I would go in length about what bothers me about Dr. Paul, but blogger Daniel Solzman of The Kentucky Democrat has done an outstanding job of covering this controversy, and has been subjected to character assassination by at least one Paul supporter as a result.

In short, Rand Paul encompasses everything that the Tea Parties don't want to be but really are. He ran on a platform of smaller government and minimizing the influence of lobbyists, yet he has strong connections to the oil industry. Dr. Paul wants to unify a section of the population that feels like they've been ignored by the government, but he's repeatedly criticized the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the 14th Amendment. He wants to clean house in Washington, yet his father is a longtime representative of the state of Texas. I can see why there's an anti-incumbent fervor in America right now, and I won't disagree with the general feeling of frustration, but this is what happens when people that aren't qualified to run for office win over the public's support. He's a pied piper, the man that offers solutions but gives you far more than you paid for. (On the other hand, Paul opposes the Patriot Act, so at least he has something that might appeal to middle-of-the-road voters.)

With all due respect to my friend Mr. Solzman, the state of Kentucky is not known for social progress; his fellow Democrats are a minority in the commonwealth, yet these pockets of liberal and moderate-left thinking are the closest thing to common sense in the Bluegrass State. The mainstream GOP hates Rand Paul, but in a topsy-turvy election year like this, Mitch McConnell's opinion couldn't be more irrelevant. There's no chance in hell that Paul will back away from his candidacy; any media criticism is white noise to his ears, and his ardent supporters will defend him to the bitter end.

Other notes:

+ Speaking of being speechless, I don't think there's anything I can add to the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Regardless of where you stand on government deregulation, corporations, or the environment this is a terrible situation with no winners and we'll be feeling the ramifications for years.

+ In the first two months of the 2010 baseball season, we've had two perfect games, a no-hitter, three one-hitters, and four two-hitters. Ubaldo Jimenez has a 0.78 ERA after Memorial Day and Jamie Moyer, 47 years young, became the oldest man ever to throw a complete-game shutout (which was also a two-hitter). To hell with 1968; this is the year of the pitcher.

+ This Friday I audition for the Second City conservatory. Wish me luck!

Here Come De Judge, Here Come De Judge... Again

Justice John Paul Stevens' pending retirement is the end of an era for two major reasons. A Gerald Ford appointee, he is arguably the last liberal Republican with any semblance of power in Washington. Stevens was also the last World War II veteran with a major governmental position, so it's also a generational passing of the torch. His record may have titled to the left in recent years, but he was not an originalist, a pragmatist, or a partisan activist, unlike certain justices of the past and present. His scathing dissent in Bush v. Gore probably defined his 35 years on the highest court, though his majority opinions on Gregg v. Georgia, which reinstated the death penalty, and Texas v. Johnson, which upheld the ban on flag-burning, were equally crucial. Even his critics can't deny that he was a patriot, and his most outspoken decisions were made for the sake of his country, not for his stance on the political spectrum.

Regardless of whoever succeeds Stevens, the court will probably turn into another black hole of liberal vs. conservative bickering. Since the court still tilts 5-4 in favor of right-leaning judges, the general dynamic of the court won't change regardless of whoever President Obama appoints. The apparent front-runner is Sidney R. Thomas of Montana, a federal appeals judge in the 9th circuit with a moderate-left reputation, though the White House claims that ten candidates are in serious consideration. Though the stank of partisanship has now gassed all three branches of our government, it should be noted that sometimes a judge will evolve or shift views after being voted in. Stevens had a moderate-right voting record when President Ford appointed him in 1975; in return, 13 years earlier JFK cherry-picked Bryon White as a progressive liberal, though he would up being a conservative. All things considered, it's going to be another interesting summer of speculation.

Other notes:

+ Something about this Weekend Update commentary really underwhelmed me. The Catholic sex abuse that's been simmering in the US for the past eight years --and after all this time, finally went global-- finally gets satirized, and they soften the blow with pointless pop culture references. I was raised Catholic, and I don't deny that the majority of parishoners are good, God-fearing people, but the structure of the church is so rotted with lies and corruption that it can't be taken seriously anymore. You'd think there were new allegations every day. At this rate, I wouldn't be shocked if you told me that 70% of all priests were pedophiles and sex offenders. Why do they keep getting away with this, and why is nothing being done about it? At least Pope John Paul II came out of this mess relatively scot-free; his successor Benedict XVI couldn't have handled this any worse.

+ Another baseball season, another stab at roto. Once again, I have two teams with similar lineups, and I'm liking the results so far. I went 7-0-3 (seven wins, no losses, three ties) in one league and 13-1-1 in another, both good for first place. Here's hoping I keep the momentum.

+ How's Second City, you ask? Well, I had my Improv Level D show back on February 28th, and I'll have my Level E performance (my last with my current classmates) on Saturday, May 1st. I will genuinely miss working with these people. Most of us will be auditioning for the conservatory (SC's de facto masters program) later in the spring, so I doubt it's goodbye forever. In the meantime, I might be taking a course or two at IO, Chicago's "other" improv school.

+ Conan on TBS Superstation? Fine by me, I guess. Too bad if you don't have cable, though.

We're Gonna Have a Rio... Good Time

Regardless of the outcome, I was fully intent on dedicating this week's entry to the 2016 Summer Olympics. As a Chicagoan, I wasn't particularly shocked that we lost out to Rio de Janiero; all the hype and hoopla you've heard in the past few weeks steered clear of the gaping flaws that ultimately killed our Olympian dreams: our city's history of corrupt politicians, a recent uptick in racially motivated violence, the lack of independent funding for such an event, and most crucially, horrifically poor planning by a steering committee that didn't understand what it took to make it all happen. (Outsourcing certain events to Minneapolis and South Bend? Seriously?) The committee's presentation to the IOC was heavy on glitz and glammer, with endorsements from American sports legends and Chicago-bred celebrities up the ying-yang, and the powers that be saw right through it.

Conservatives will pin the blame on President Obama but the real goat is Chicago Mayor Richard Daley, who spent gobs of money that the city doesn't have to foolhardily pursue a lifelong pipe dream. Though Chicago has no intent of trying again for 2020 or 2024, the money lost by Hizzoner's marketing blitz will prevent my hometown from making another serious bid for at least another 20 years. I'm not saying any of this to be anti-Chicagoan or out of spite; it's just the wrong time for an American city to host such a grandiose event.

Other notes:

+ I won my fantasy baseball league! Well, one of them, anyway. I finished 5th out of 8 in the Yahoo/TV.com league, but in my other group I hammered my opponent 9-1 for the title.

+ I don't condone what David Letterman did, but at least he 'fessed up before the blackmail attempt spiraled further out of control. He apologized to his wife, he begged forgiveness to Stephanie Birkett (and God knows who else), and he expressed remorse to anyone that ever worked for him. Some public figures screw up and spend years trying to avoid admitting fault, but Letterman's mea culpa felt honest, punctual, and legitimate. In his defense, Dave won't change the subject because the media won't stop hounding him and his staff about the extortion, and as far as I'm concerned, the most controversial aspect of all this is the defendent is a producer for "48 Hours." On the other hand, I haven't a clue as to what the future holds for him, but if the public can forgive Johnny Carson for his various failed marriages --and assumed infidelities-- why not Dave?

+ An excellent, well-researched article about last weekend's "Obama's Checklist" sketch on SNL.

+ Finally, I just thought I'd mention that last weekend I finished Improv Level B at Second City. I start Level C --the first level to culminate with actual stage performances-- on October 18th.

Here Come De Judge, Here Come De Judge

Has any woman polarized the political spectrum in recent memory quite like Judge Sonia Sotomayor... I mean, besides Sarah Palin? If media coverage of her nomination is any indicator, the woman that could be the first Latina justice on the U.S. Supreme Court means many things to many people. Either she's an all-American rags-to-riches story or an elitist who's lost touch of her upbringing. She's a champion of equal rights or she hates white folk, take your pick. Affirmative action seems to be her cause celebre, though her stance on more hot-button issues like abortion and torture is a bit more ambiguous. I see Sotomayor as a woman split between two worlds, and if the White House can avoid branding such a complex person in an overly simplified way, that court vacancy is hers.

Liberal reactionary or not, her ascension won't change the dynamic of the court, at least not in the short term. Sotomayor is a moderate-left judge replacing the equally left-of-center David Souter, and last time I checked the conservatives still have a 5-4 edge. Justice Stevens has been rumored to retire for years now, and he's also in the liberal minority. So why exactly are Republicans up in arms about Sotomayor? Is it just partisan posturing?

Other notes:

+ Last weekend I had my first class at Second City. I can't say much has happened so far; we introduced ourselves, went over the syllabus, than did some simple exercises. I'm in a class of about 18 students, ranging in age from 20 to 40, though it seems that we all have the same goal and we're keeping an open mind.

+ Two months into the fantasy season, and both of my teams are still middling. My TV.com team was in second place at one point and has since slipped to sixth out of eight. My "other" team (consisting mostly of old ISU classmates) was once one game out of first and is gradually slipping away. I can't blame this entirely on injuries, in spite of having Joey Votto, Joakim Soria, Eric Stults, and Grady Sizemore on my rosters, but erratic pitching has dogged me as of late.

+ To read my eulogy (kind of) for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, click here.

+ Finally, I suppose some of you would like me to share my thoughts on the murder of Dr. George Tiller earlier this week. His brutal death has reopened the wounds of the long-gestating abortion debate (pun not intended); while I tilt towards pro-choice, I'm convinced that the murderer acted on his own, unlike what some clusters of the media would suggest. While most of my pro-life friends and colleagues are vehement in their views, they would certainly never do anything that drastic. Dr. Tiller was both a martyr and a pariah, and that's how he should be best remembered.

My Fourth Annual Fantasy Emmy Ballot

Listed below is my 4th Annual Fantasy Emmy Ballot. For the uninitiated, I write this ballot for two reasons- to acknowledge who I thought had the best performances of the year, but also to compare it to actual Emmy ballot, which is often completely out of touch with what the press has to say. I am retaining my unusual strategy from last year; of the five nominees in each category, I chose four people that I would like to see nominated and one that the Emmy committee will ostensively choose that isn't quite as deserving. Some of them will be easier to figure out than others. Here goes:

Outstanding Animated Program, Less Than One Hour: "American Dad," "King of the Hill," "The Simpsons," "South Park," and "Spongebob Squarepants."

Best Writing for a Comedy/Music/Variety Series: "Late Show with David Letterman," "Real Time with Bill Maher," "Saturday Night Live," "The Colbert Report," and "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart."

Best Comedy/Music/Variety Series: "Jimmy Kimmel Live," "Late Show with David Letterman," "The Colbert Report," "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," and "Tracey Ullman's State of the Union."

Best Supporting Actress, Drama: Candice Bergen, Boston Legal; Rachel Griffiths, Brothers & Sisters; Katherine Heigl, Grey's Anatomy; January Jones, Mad Men; and Dianne Weist, In Treatment.

Best Supporting Actress, Comedy: Jenna Fischer, The Office; Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock; Jaime Pressly, My Name Is Earl; Holland Taylor, Two and a Half Men; and Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty.

Best Supporting Actor, Drama: Ted Danson, Damages; Michael Emerson, Lost; William Hurt, Damages; T.R. Knight, Grey's Anatomy; and John Slattery, Mad Men.

Best Supporting Actor, Comedy: Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men; Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother; Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock; Jeremy Piven, Entourage; and Rainn Wilson, The Office.

Best Actress in a Drama Series: Glenn Close, Damages; Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters; Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit; Holly Hunter, Saving Grace; and Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer.

Best Actress in a Comedy Series: Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?; America Ferrera, Ugly Betty; Tina Fey, 30 Rock; Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine; and Mary Louise Parker, Weeds.

Best Actor in a Drama Series: Gabriel Byrne, In Treatment; Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad; Jon Hamm, Mad Men; Denis Leary, Rescue Me; and Kiefer Sutherland, 24.

Best Actor in a Comedy Series: Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock; Steve Carell, The Office; Jason Lee, My Name Is Earl; Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory; and Charlie Sheen, Two and a Half Men.

Best Drama Series: "24," "Damages," "In Treatment," "Lost," "Mad Men."

Best Comedy Series: "30 Rock," "The Big Bang Theory," "Entourage," "How I Met Your Mother," "The Office."

Make sure to print out this ballot, than give me the nth degree when they announce the nominations in July and I will likely get half of these wrong. Enjoy!

Other Notes:

+ Sunday was student orientation at Second City, but my journey to the theater was a bit of a challenge. I woke up at quarter to 6 because trains to the city only run every other hour on Sundays. I arrived at Chicago Union Station at 7:40AM, walked to a nearby 7/11 to grab some coffee, than hiked five blocks east on West Lake St. to get onto the "El" line that took me to the Old Town neighborhood. After getting off at Sedgwick Ave. I walked another four blocks to arrive at the front entrance of Second City... and somehow I was still 45 minutes early. I can't believe this will be my commute for eight of the next nine weeks.

+ As for orientation itself- for about forty minutes, I listened to a middle-aged lady (and a 20-year veteran of SC) explain class guidelines and what to expect in the improv, acting, and writing courses. Apparently, there's no actual performing until you're a Level C; I'm only at Level A, but I'm deliberately taking the easiest course to ease myself in. The lady also mentioned how cool it was to have Stephen Colbert as a classmate in the early '90s and briefly alluded to having Tina Fey as a past student... you know, for the sake of bragging.

+ Last week, I was playing the uncensored version of the SNL Digital Short "Mother Lovers" on my laptop sans headphones. My mother walked into the room just as Andy and Justin said "we should fuck each other's mothers," she gave me a weird look, said "okay..." than walked towards the living room.

+ Paris Hilton stated in a recent interview that she's not as sexually experienced as the media perceives her, stating that she's only been with "a couple of guys." Of course, she didn't specify if she was with these men over the course of the last couple of years, weeks, or hours.

+ It's mid-May and Kansas City is only one game out of first place? This must be the year...

A Dubious Milestone

Here we are- 200 weekly updates. They said I wouldn't last six weeks. Stupid doctors!

To be honest, I was hard-pressed to come up with something special to write for this week. Initially, I was going to pick my five favorite and least favorite entries, but I nixed it because A) I'd like to think that my writing is constantly evolving, so much that it'd hard to compare the first few WU's with say, last week's pirate rant, and B) I'm my own most damnening critic. However, if I had to pick one update that I truly regret writing, that would probably be WU #66 (that is to say, from the old site). When I was at Illinois State, the amount of free time I had to write would wildly vary, and on some occasions I almost forget it was Tuesday and I had to slap something together between classes. WU #66 took all of 45 minutes to write and it shows; while I still dislike "Full House," I don't think I did a dilligent job of expressing my animosity toward the Tanner family.

On the other hand, I wondered how appropriate it was to mark the occasion. After all, last week was the second anniversary of the Virginia Tech shootings and yesterday marked the ten-year anniversary of the Columbine massacre. Both incidents occured at oddly convinient times in my life; I was in 8th grade when the tragedy in Colorado happened, and a college senior when Seung-Hui Cho killed 32 people and wounded at least a dozen others. At the time, both were the deadliest shooting incidents in American history, reminders of the fragility of life and the abstruse nature of the gun contol debate. The victims were my peers, and in the days following the shootings I felt a little less safe in the world.

Rather than deconstruct four years' of writing, however I want to take this time to reflect. I'd like to thank everyone that made this possible, from my friends and family to all the wonderful people that comment and critique this blog every week. On that note, I do have something special to share: this summer, I will be taking a class at the famed Second City comedy training center in Chicago. This is a lifelong dream of mine and I still can't fathom that it's finally become a reality.

Of course, this milestone shouldn't entirely be about me. Congratulations to TheDiamondDog on her 1,000th blog at TV.com/Gamespot/Movie Tome/what used to be mp3.com. That number is hard to fathom- that's roughly five new blogs every week since June 2005. A tip of the hat to you, Mel.

Finally, just for old times' sake, here's a top five list:

TV.com's Five Least Popular Children's Shows:
1. Let's Drink Paint
2. The Latchkey Gang
3. Inside The Toolshed with Gropie Fondleman
4. The Magical Abandoned Refrigerator
5. Backyardigans After Dark