32 Teams, 32 Haiku: My 2026 NFL Preview

If you're a semi-regular reader of my blog, you know I do this every September. Enjoy and Bear Down!

*notes wild card

AFC NORTH
1. Ravens (11-6) Minter knows less is/more; peak Lamar curbed by soft/wideouts, weak pass rush.
2. Bengals* (10-7) Will a competent/D be enough? Mid passing/game also concerns.
3. Steelers (8-9) Oh god, Aaron is/still here? Head coach reunion/won't turn back the clock.
4. Browns (4-13) QB room? Clown show/Bad Watson contract casts pall/on fun young talents.

AFC EAST
1. Bills (12-5) Elite squad... until/New Year's; new coaches, new field/must curb same results.
2. Patriots* (11-6) Who rushes faster/Rhamondre, or Mike Vrabel/from his estranged wife?
3. Jets (6-11) Good O-line squandered/on Geno; beefy D-line/secret saving grace.
4. Dolphins (5-12) Fins down, canned tuna/nascent rebuild wastes Achane/slightly built workhorse.

AFC SOUTH
1. Colts (11-6) Tough September sked/but healthy Jones-Taylor-Pierce/aren't horsing around.
2. Jaguars (9-8) Losing Etienne/replacing him with... Bhayshul?/At least there's Hunter.
3. Texans (8-9) Which CJ shows up/hinges on new O-line; league/best D is stingy.
4. Titans (5-12) Ex-Jets and Giants/"volunteer" for Cam; breakout/year under center?

AFC WEST
1. Broncos (12-5) We can't quit you, Vance/Joseph; well-rounded roster/now runs with Waddle.
2. Chiefs* (11-6) Was last year a fluke?/New, younger D more suspect/than aging Kelce.
3. Chargers (8-9) Beat good teams, and we'll/talk Lombardi; new tackles/should let Herbert cook.
4. Raiders (5-12) Mendoza knows how/to win; for now, he's holding/a clipboard for Kirk.

NFC NORTH
1. Bears (11-6) Behind Sweat, pass rush/toils; Ben-Caleb tandem/keeps winning close games.
2. Lions* (10-7) Can kitties land on/their feet? Lack of good corners/makes rebound tricky.
3. Vikings (9-8) Deep wideout room helps/wee Kyler; great special teams/makes them Norse sleepers.
4. Packers (8-9) Jacobs *and* Parsons/both out? LaFleur says "cheese" to/green and gold gap year.

NFC EAST
1. Eagles (11-6) Feathered drama queens/deep roster on verge of boom/bust or fire sale.
2. Cowboys* (10-7) Dependable Dak/has weapons; new-look D makes/all the difference.
3. Commanders (7-10) Blame Peters, not Quinn/if Jayden struggles; roster/has too many "ifs."
4. Giants (5-12) Can Jalen Brunson/throw a football? Poor Dart won't/make many bullseyes.

NFC SOUTH
1. Bucs (9-8) Second-half capsize/must be avoided; Baker/can't be a butcher.
2. Panthers (8-9) Is Bryce good or bad?/Yes! Chuba's chops are enough/to carry the O. 
3. Saints (7-10) Shough me the second/half of last year wasn't a/fluke and I'll believe.
4. Falcons (6-11) Hawk Tua (sorry)/carried by Drake, Bijon, and/Pitts; blitz-happy D.

NFC WEST
1. Seahawks (13-4) They don't need household/names; understated talent/flies in Puget Sound.
2. Rams* (11-6) Garrett *and* Donald/insane D; sole concern is/can Puka shut up? 
3. Niners (9-8) So injury-prone/the HC was on IR/at least they have Mac.
4. Cardinals (4-13) Eight-decade 'chip drought/continues; anonymous/squad behind Brissett.

MVP: Bo Nix, Broncos
OROY: Jeremiyah Love, Cardinals 
DROY: David Bailey, Jets
First Head Coach Fired: Aaron Glenn, Jets
Super Bowl LXI: Seahawks 28, Broncos 20

Your thoughts are always welcome. 

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Reflecting at 42

 I turned 42 earlier this month. My Douglas Adams birthday, so to speak. I was overdue for a relatively quiet summer, and for the most part it was uneventful. 

As summer break winds down, I can't shake off a sense of wanderlust. I've been almost exclusively subbing for nine months of the year for some time now, but supplementing my income with Lyft, a weekly tech gig, and eBay. I'm ready to do something else or something more, but the opportunities don't seem to be there. I constantly crave to be somewhere else, that literal sense of wanderlust, but the money isn't there. My big trip was two nights in Grand Rapids, a three-hour drive from Chicago.

I spent a fair chunk of the summer helping my new-ish roommate. She started a temp job in late June, and the office is a 15 minute drive from the apartment. I either drop her off at work or pick her up, sometimes both; she's even tighter on money than I am and appreciates not having to spend anything on a rideshare. In addition, her office is a good central spot to turn the Lyft app on. 

Now I'm back to the grind. The school year hasn't been too bad so far, but that honeymoon period doesn't last. 

Next Week: my 2026 NFL preview.

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My Uncle's Nephew, Redux

July 24th would've been my Uncle Jim's 70th birthday. As I said when he passed away in 2008, there's no right way to die at 52. In all honesty, Jim's death hit harder than either of my parents, but in hindsight I have some mixed emotions. I'm also trying not to repeat what I said on the 10th anniversary of his death. In some ways, he lives vicariously through me. 

My uncle could be low-key creepy. When he inquired about school and I brought up a female classmate, without a beat he would ask "is she hot?" (I had to start using they/them pronouns whenever he asked.) In Summer 2006, I attended a pool party at my friend Brittany's house. I put a photo of us on Facebook and Myspace; I'm in an olive polo shirt, she's in a green bikini. When we were cleaning out my uncle's office 2 1/2 years later, I found a printout of that photo, except I was cropped out.

My uncle put family first, but in hindsight he couldn't get out of his own way. In the early 2000s, he was too proud to admit that his parents (my grandparents) needed more help than he could offer. We put Grandpa in a home and eventually hired Visiting Angels for Grandma, pretty much at his protest. Three years after his death, Visiting Angels became insufficient and we put her in a home; he would've fought that, too. 

As I've stated in past blogs, my only living family are my sister and some cousins. The majority of my relatives died in old age; Jim obviously didn't. I have a "found family" of friends that I can fall back on, and Barb (his girlfriend in the 2000s) is still a presence in our lives. In spite of my struggles, I can only hope he's proud.

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Random Notes, July 2026

 How's your summer going?

+ I wanted to be excited for the bisesquicentennial. I just wish this milestone didn't feel like a undeserved Trump victory lap, or an advertisement for his agenda. My celebration was kind of laid back; I did my usual volunteer thing in Glen Ellyn, then tried to watch fireworks at Oak Street Beach with my friend Abby. 

+ Much like the Charlie Kirk shooting, I don't want to give the impression that I'm jumping for joy over the sudden passing of Sen. Lindsey Graham. He was the successor to Strom Thurmond's seat, and spent 24 years as a sassy, sniveling lapdog to the likes of Mitch McConnell (whom, incidentally is still kicking). Graham was also a hawkish, garden-variety southern conservative who then jumped wholeheartedly into the lap of Donald Trump, in spite of ample criticism during the 2016 election cycle. 

+ He's still doing this? I guess Jon Ossoff really hit him in the sweet spot during the Blanche confirmation hearings.

+ Cags! Finally, a highlight for this continual slog of a Royals season.

Next week: marking someone's 70th birthday.

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Random Notes, June 2026

 It's summer break and I have a little down time to write:

+ Almost total capitulation. It's almost as if the old man didn't even read the document. Iran received a slap on the wrist, essentially for a war they didn't technically start, and naturally Israel is furious. Granted, when you have buffoons like JD Vance and Marco Rubio doing negotiating on your behalf, what do you expect? The Middle East is much more complex situation than just "let's bomb Iran," especially if the rationale is nubilous.

+ The annual SCOTUS decisions make me more queasy with each passing June. What should've been a clear-cut defense of the 14th amendment only passed by a 6-3 decision, while a scant handful of trans-femme prep athletes have been all but banned from playing sports. 

+ My Royals are foundering and the Vegas oddsmakers say Matt Quatraro will be the next manager fired. Our pitching struggles aren't his fault --our entire Opening Day rotation has seen IL time-- but we're not scoring runs to compensate. What worked two seasons ago isn't working now. Something has to give.

+ With no school until the third week of August, my budget is fairly limited. I took one kinda-sorta road trip to Wisconsin in mid-June and another in early July, but beyond that I can't afford to fly anywhere or do anything particularly ambitious. In the meantime, please follow Stu News and support the Patreon to at least help with some overhead.

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Through a Freshman's Eyes: "Pineapple Express" Edition

Graduation season has come and gone? This year has been a blur of sorts. 

I don't write this every year to make anyone feel old. This is a somewhat arbitrary, sideways perspective thing. I was randomly reminded during this process that most of this year's high school seniors weren't born yet when I graduated college (December 2007, FWIW) so if anything, I feel the shifting sands of time. I've been substitute teaching for 18 years; someone born the day I ran up the stairs at Glenbard West High School will start college this August. 

With that said, if you graduated high school in the last few weeks...

...you don't remember a WGA strike over DVD residuals or Conan O'Brien's first attempt at growing a beard.

...Rudy Giuliani never ran for president. 

...Sarah Palin has always been a nationally known political figure.

...DNA tests have always been available over the counter.

...Hulu, Google Play and Android phones have always existed, and Tesla has always built electric cars.

...you've never rented a DVD at Hollywood Video. 

...no NFL team has ever won 16 games in the regular season.

...you have never seen a Seattle Sonics game. 

...the Detroit Red Wings have never won a Stanley Cup. 

...Jonathan Papelbon never danced in his underwear on a baseball field.

...Luciano Pavarotti, J. Walter Weatherman, Jane Wyman, Joe Zawinul, Brett Somers, Bill Wirtz, Lois Maxwell, Deborah Kerr, Robert Goulet, Joey Bishop, The Fabulous Moolah, Evel Knievel, Ira Levin, Sean Taylor, Verity Lambert, Kevin "Lips" Dubrow, Benazir Bhutto, Oscar Peterson, Ike Turner, Dan Fogelberg, Heath Ledger, Brad Renfro, Suzanne Pleshette, Sir Edmund Hillary, Johnny Podres, Roy Scheider, Barry Morse, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, Buddy Miles, Teo Macero, William F. Buckley Jr, Arthur C. Clarke, Gary Gygax, Paul Scofield, Paul Aspinall, Richard Widmark, Charlton Heston, Danny Federici, Al Wilson, Esbjörn Svensson, Dick Martin, Sydney Pollack, Harvey Korman, Bo Diddley, George Carlin, Yves Saint Laurent, Cyd Charisse, Estelle Getty, Sen. Jesse Helms, Larry Harmon, Bernie Mac, Bernie Brillstein, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, Isaac Hayes, Jerry Wexler, and LeRoi Moore have always been dead. 

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