Random Notes, July 2026

 How's your summer going?

+ I wanted to be excited for the bisesquicentennial. I just wish this milestone didn't feel like a undeserved Trump victory lap, or an advertisement for his agenda. My celebration was kind of laid back; I did my usual volunteer thing in Glen Ellyn, then tried to watch fireworks at Oak Street Beach with my friend Abby. 

+ Much like the Charlie Kirk shooting, I don't want to give the impression that I'm jumping for joy over the sudden passing of Sen. Lindsey Graham. He was the successor to Strom Thurmond's seat, and spent 24 years as a sassy, sniveling lapdog to the likes of Mitch McConnell (whom, incidentally is still kicking). Graham was also a hawkish, garden-variety southern conservative who then jumped wholeheartedly into the lap of Donald Trump, in spite of ample criticism during the 2016 election cycle. 

+ He's still doing this? I guess Jon Ossoff really hit him in the sweet spot during the Blanche confirmation hearings.

+ Cags! Finally, a highlight for this continual slog of a Royals season.

Next week: marking someone's 70th birthday.

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Random Notes, June 2026

 It's summer break and I have a little down time to write:

+ Almost total capitulation. It's almost as if the old man didn't even read the document. Iran received a slap on the wrist, essentially for a war they didn't technically start, and naturally Israel is furious. Granted, when you have buffoons like JD Vance and Marco Rubio doing negotiating on your behalf, what do you expect? The Middle East is much more complex situation than just "let's bomb Iran," especially if the rationale is nubilous.

+ The annual SCOTUS decisions make me more queasy with each passing June. What should've been a clear-cut defense of the 14th amendment only passed by a 6-3 decision, while a scant handful of trans-femme prep athletes have been all but banned from playing sports. 

+ My Royals are foundering and the Vegas oddsmakers say Matt Quatraro will be the next manager fired. Our pitching struggles aren't his fault --our entire Opening Day rotation has seen IL time-- but we're not scoring runs to compensate. What worked two seasons ago isn't working now. Something has to give.

+ With no school until the third week of August, my budget is fairly limited. I took one kinda-sorta road trip to Wisconsin in mid-June and another in early July, but beyond that I can't afford to fly anywhere or do anything particularly ambitious. In the meantime, please follow Stu News and support the Patreon to at least help with some overhead.

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Through a Freshman's Eyes: "Pineapple Express" Edition

Graduation season has come and gone? This year has been a blur of sorts. 

I don't write this every year to make anyone feel old. This is a somewhat arbitrary, sideways perspective thing. I was randomly reminded during this process that most of this year's high school seniors weren't born yet when I graduated college (December 2007, FWIW) so if anything, I feel the shifting sands of time. I've been substitute teaching for 18 years; someone born the day I ran up the stairs at Glenbard West High School will start college this August. 

With that said, if you graduated high school in the last few weeks...

...you don't remember a WGA strike over DVD residuals or Conan O'Brien's first attempt at growing a beard.

...Rudy Giuliani never ran for president. 

...Sarah Palin has always been a nationally known political figure.

...DNA tests have always been available over the counter.

...Hulu, Google Play and Android phones have always existed, and Tesla has always built electric cars.

...you've never rented a DVD at Hollywood Video. 

...no NFL team has ever won 16 games in the regular season.

...you have never seen a Seattle Sonics game. 

...the Detroit Red Wings have never won a Stanley Cup. 

...Jonathan Papelbon never danced in his underwear on a baseball field.

...Luciano Pavarotti, J. Walter Weatherman, Jane Wyman, Joe Zawinul, Brett Somers, Bill Wirtz, Lois Maxwell, Deborah Kerr, Robert Goulet, Joey Bishop, The Fabulous Moolah, Evel Knievel, Ira Levin, Sean Taylor, Verity Lambert, Kevin "Lips" Dubrow, Benazir Bhutto, Oscar Peterson, Ike Turner, Dan Fogelberg, Heath Ledger, Brad Renfro, Suzanne Pleshette, Sir Edmund Hillary, Johnny Podres, Roy Scheider, Barry Morse, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, Buddy Miles, Teo Macero, William F. Buckley Jr, Arthur C. Clarke, Gary Gygax, Paul Scofield, Paul Aspinall, Richard Widmark, Charlton Heston, Danny Federici, Al Wilson, Esbjörn Svensson, Dick Martin, Sydney Pollack, Harvey Korman, Bo Diddley, George Carlin, Yves Saint Laurent, Cyd Charisse, Estelle Getty, Sen. Jesse Helms, Larry Harmon, Bernie Mac, Bernie Brillstein, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, Isaac Hayes, Jerry Wexler, and LeRoi Moore have always been dead. 

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(Almost) Summertime Sadness

Happy Memorial Day. I've been trying to post twice a month, though lately it's been easier said than done. Inflation has caught up to me as well, and I'm essentially working three jobs. The school year wraps in a few days, so I'm seeking out summer temp/seasonal work. I don't know if Lyft will sustain me for the summer, so any leads in the Chicago area are welcome. 

This has been a particularly challenging year as a substitute teacher. The junior high where I work most has seen behavior issues increase tenfold. (Naturally, I'm getting the brunt of their antics.) My teacher friends and the school admins are doing their best, but it seems like whatever they're doing isn't working. I almost have to fault the parents; they've had sit-downs with the principal and assistant principal, and either everything is going in one ear and out the other, or these parents are just feckless.

In world news: the Iran war that President Trump says we won handily now drags into a fourth month. The Russian "annexation" of Ukraine that was supposed to take three days is comfortably in year five. The Epstein files still haven't been fully unredacted. My friends and acquaintances at "Late Show with Stephen Colbert" are glancing at LinkedIn and CareerBuilder, just like me. 

If I've been dwelling on a particular news topic, it's the GOP's attempt to tip the scales in the 2026 midterms. Trump's approval ratings are in the toilet, and in any other circumstance, Republicans would lose their footing in the House and Senate. Alas, they're up to old tricks. Gerrymandering --or as one savvy person on social media called it, whitemaxxing-- was reinforced in several states by a recent Supreme Court decision. By arguing that districts can't be realigned largely by race, Louisiana v. Callais defanged a key part of the Civil Rights Act. Democrats still have a narrow advantage come November, but the uphill battle just got steeper. 

Next week: the annual mindset list.

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Random Notes, April 2026

There's so much that's happened in the first third of the year that I've barely discussed here:

+ Impeachment is still wishful thinking. We've done this twice before in the last decade and it didn't work. Someone in Congress can write articles, but it'll go nowhere. Trump has too many loyalists and bootlickers. Assuming voter rights aren't completely gutted by November, the best short-term option is a blue wave in the midterm elections in six months. 

+ I'm not buying into conspiracy theories about the latest assassination attempt --yes, his third in less than two years-- because there's too many holes in the logic. It also only serves to embolden both brainwashed Trump supporters and right-wing conspiracy theories against his critics. 

+ I feel like I'm making a down payment on unleaded now. These gas prices are absurd. 

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Writer's Blocked

 What's going on? I mean, besides all the dumb stuff? Plenty:

I'm still having battles with Meta over Stu News; Meta really likes to parse when it comes to promoting. There's an exemption for politics and civics, but it applies to candidates, non-profits, and action groups, and not comedy or satire. I've been able to promote content, but I can't use a sitting politician's name or mention specific political parties. Typing "T***p" or "B***n" dulls the edge, so to speak. This annoying crap has been going on for a few years.

Two weeks ago, however I found this new red flag. FB won't suggest Stu News to friends of friends anymore because of my content. I've been mistaken for a bot (here and IRL) before, I understand that. In nearly 13 years, those "other sensitive subjects" have become Stu News' bread and butter. I'm not interpreting this as censorship so much as AI-fueled gatekeeping. 

If this limits my page's reach long- or short-term, I'm at peace with that. I'll still be posting new jokes and fresh "reports" six days a week. That's where you come in, friend; Stu News has over 2,800 followers largely by word of mouth, and I hope that you continue to read and share the content I post. If you're weening yourself off FB, I'm also on Twitter/X, Threads, and BlueSky; just look up the #StuNews hashtag. I also set up a Patreon to help pay for some of that promotion overhead. What started as an opportunity to potentially land a comedy writing gig morphed into something else entirely, and I hope it's one of the reasons you're still on this flawed site.

Meanwhile, one of my best friends had a baby! Congrats to Dan and his wife on their son, born March 2nd. That also means Flower Shop Bangers is still, still on hiatus. If you're a comedy friend reading this, I'm still seeking out a collaborator; I had a couple projects in the last year that were dead-ends.

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