Somehow Shatterproof

 (Ed. note: here we go again. I wrote this before President Biden dropped out of the race. More on that in a few days.)

There is no polite, let alone cogent way to say a Donald Trump assassination attempt was inevitable. Just because something like this hasn't happened in most of our lifetimes doesn't mean something this ghastly couldn't happen. Even though his fellow conservatives will make this out like when John Hinckley shot Ronald Reagan, early reports indicate it was more like when Squeaky Fromme tried to take out Gerald Ford. (The major difference is that Fromme completely missed.) Trump has also tied himself in history with Teddy Roosevelt and Robert F. Kennedy Sr, two candidates that were targeted on the campaign trail. For that reason, the MAGA base is galvanized even more, their obsession ignoring that Trump's facial injury in the incident was the result of shattered plexiglass from the TelePrompTer, not a bullet.

Why do I insinuate that an attempt on Trump's life was inevitable? For nine years now, Trump has pandered to 2A and the NRA, a faction of conservative Americans that the GOP kept at arm's length for decades. His cult of personality has forced the Republican Party to pivot harder to the right, with a higher threshold for more extreme ideas and policies. That is not to say the now-deceased shooter was necessarily a disciple, but it's hard to deny he was encouraged. Additionally, while I would never condone murder, his agenda remains naked and concerning. 

Which brings me to his running mate and the RNC clown show. JD Vance has little in common with Trump besides being a pampered opportunist with a penchant for fabrication. He was a staunch never-Trumper conservative until it wasn't convenient to to do, then started suckling on the teat to advance his own political career. The convention itself had exactly two tolerable speeches; one was an earnest effort by Don Junior's teenage daughter, the other by a nonagenarian World War II vet (or as we call them nowadays, Antifa). Otherwise, it was recycled, exhausting vitriol in a moment when such discord was almost inappropriate.

(734)

Ridin' With Biden (Until Sundown)

(Ed. note: I wrote most of this essay before the Trump assassination attempt. That will be the subject of my next post.)

It's been a rough few weeks for left-leaning ideologies. The SCOTUS' decision to allow ex-President Trump partial immunity for instigating January 6th is concerning, especially in yet another election cycle where he's polling around 50%. Project 2025 is looking less like a fringe-right wet dream and more like a handbook for how an emboldened Trump would navigate a second term. 

The greatest concern, however is the well-being of the incumbent. President Biden's performance in the first presidential debate was weak and doddering to the point of concerning, and even he admits that. He's our oldest president ever (82 this November) running against the man who would be the oldest elected ever (Trump turned 78 in June) and arguably neither is in top form. Where the GOP is dutifully propping up their guy, a panicky mutiny of sorts is growing among Democrats. Biden's own attempts to prove his worthiness have been mixed, further fanning the flames.

In the grand scheme of things this election cycle has been a slog, as galvanizing as drywall. Progressives, the hard right, and the media know it. If Biden is being bullied, he's not going to cave. There's also no consensus on who would succeed Biden on the ticket. It's an overblown debate when Democrats should rally against the greater evil, Donald Trump. To reiterate what I've been saying for 3 1/2 years, Biden is our best hope in spite his occasional senior moments. 

(733)

A House, Still Disordered

 I've been too busy to type, so let me attempt to catch you up.

The water is out of my aunt's basement. My sister tried to DIY this with a rented pump, but she ultimately called a service. Our initial estimate was over $9,000 to drain and repair, so we only paid about $3,600 just for the water. We had a chance encounter with the neighborhood handyman, who has been very helpful. (I owe her money, but that's another story.) The basement itself is a 99% loss, and we can't pool any more of our own finances into further repairs. 

The objective now is cleaning up the top two floors for an estate sale in late July, then a short sale of the property. When all is said and done, we might make a meager profit; the house is in a nice neighborhood in upper-middle-class Naperville, but the needed repairs, estate debts, and legal fees will drain almost all of that money. The basement door remains shut, out of fear black mold could still spread.

Our other concern is the neighbors. The same family that were de facto caretakers took issue with how we were initially pumping out the water, and it's been contentious ever since. The handyman told us he's an entitled dick, and we should take his fuming and posturing with a grain of salt. 

Meanwhile... 34 counts. Forgive the delay on my comments, but in the wake of the Trump verdict four weeks ago, his base is just as galvanized as I feared. There's a 50/50 chance we'll get a president-elect under house arrest in south Florida.

Here's to 19 years of blogging. Let's see what awaits for year 20.

(732)

Through a Freshman's Eyes: "Snakes on a Plane" Edition

 It's graduation season yet again. Another batch of high school seniors have achieved the minimum requirement of being a U.S. representative from Colorado. All joking aside, it's time for my annual "mindset list," as Beloit College used to publish every summer. This year's high school grads and incoming college kids were mostly born between late 2005 and mid-2006, and I try to explore their viewpoint of the world so far in their young lives.

With that said, if you are matriculating this year...

...New Orleans has never flooded.

...it has always been possible for a woman to be Chancellor of Germany. 

...Vicente Fox was never President of Mexico.

...the Vice President of the United States never shot a guy in the face.

...you've never shopped at Marshall Field's.

...you never found a severed finger in your Wendy's chili.

...it has always been possible to get a face transplant.

...Twitter (or X) has always existed.

...the Playstation 3 has always existed.

...Google has always owned YouTube.

..."sexting" has always been a thing.

...the Chicago White Sox have never won, or played in, a World Series.

...everyone knows Magnolia Cupcakes are crazy delicious. 

...you might run into Tina Fey and Maya Rudolph on a campus visit.*

...you might also run into a girl who claims Enrique Iglesias is her nephew.

...Britney Spears and Kevin Federline were never married.

...Bob Denver, Justice William Rehnquist, Clarence "Gatemouth" Brown, Robert Wise, Sid Luft, Donn Clendenon, Simon Wiesenthal, Don Adams, Hamilton Camp, Nipsey Russell, August Wilson, Charles Rocket, Rosa Parks, Geoffrey Keen, Link Wray, Eddie Guerrero, Pat Morita, Vic Power, Richard Pryor, Eugene McCarthy, Michael Vale, Vincent Schiavelli, Patrick "Blue" Cranshaw, Lou Rawls, Jim Zulevic, Shelley Winters, Wilson Pickett, Chris Penn, Coretta Scott King, Wendy Wasserstein, Moira Shearer, Grandpa Al Lewis, Betty Friedan, Franklin Cover, Elton Dean, Peter Benchley, Ray Barretto, Harold Hunter, Curt Gowdy, Don Knotts, Dennis Weaver, Darrin McGavin, Harry Browne, Jack Wild, Kirby Puckett, Dana Reeve, Gordon Parks, John Profumo, Boom Boom Geoffrion, Slobodan Milošević, Maureen Stapleton, Oleg Cassini, Ray Meyer, Buck Owens, Jackie McLean, Gene Pitney, Proof, Muriel Spark, Steve Howe, John Kenneth Galbraith, Louis Rukeyser, Floyd Patterson, Jim Lemon, Lloyd Bentsen, Desmond Dekker, Craig "Ironhead" Heyward, Billy Preston, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the dog from "Frasier," Randy Walker, Kenneth Lay, Syd Barrett, June Allyson, Red Buttons, Mickey Spillane, Jack Warden, and Carl Brashear have always been dead.

*both had babies in Fall 2005

(731)

Confessional Epilogue

In 2013 and 2017, I blogged about my fractious relationship with "Sandra." Even though she iced me out years ago, I attempted two or three times to reach out by email, the last time in Summer 2020. I thought the story was over until a recent development. 

A mutual high school acquaintance tipped me that Sandra was getting a divorce. I went to her Facebook --we're still friends, though we don't interact-- and noticed that any mention of her husband had disappeared. Then I went to her husband's FB and found what my confirmation: over a year ago, she started a Bumble account on the down low, met a guy and moved in with him. She essentially walked out on her two daughters and husband of almost nine years. 

I've never met Sandra's husband; they met in 2012, and he was babysitting when Sandra and I (among others) did dinner in July 2017. We've had one brief social media interaction. All he said was that Sandra posted a flowery response for shanking her marriage, but without a doubt, he was cucked. I heard from another mutual friend he has severe anxiety and wasn't handling this well. Without context, I hope he gets full custody of their two daughters.

To some extent, I'm not surprised. It took me a long time to realize Sandra's narcissism, but I knew her pattern of poor communication and acting on impulse. She didn't apologize for avoiding me in 2010, she simply justified why. When I thought we were going to reconnect in 2017, she was mostly avoidant all night. Perhaps my act of self-sabotage was, without reasoning mistakes, a blessing in disguise. I am unlikely to interact with Sandra or her estranged husband again, there's no need to. Weirdly, I feel almost validated in retrospect.

(730)

30 Teams, 30 Haiku: My 2024 MLB Preview

 

Is it late March already? Spring training has closed shop, the lawns are cut, the dirt is pristine, and I already smell the $10 hot dogs and $12 beers. Baseball has started anew, and again I'm guardedly optimistic about my Royals. The AL Central is the weakest in baseball, and even last year's best team (the Twinkies) aren't necessarily striking the iron while it's hot. This division is wide open, and if the stars align KC might crack .500 and sneak into October ball. (Let me dream.)

As always, I cover all 30 teams, 17 syllables at a time. Asterisks note wild cards.

NL EAST

1. Braves. Can’t break their Stride(r)/barely anyone beats them/…except the Phillies.

2. Phillies.* Is Schwarber the next/Rob Deer, Frank Howard, or one/pudgy unicorn?

3. Marlins. Without Sandy, the/pitching still shines; injured Jazz/gives offense the blues. 

4. Mets. A healthy Edwin/ensures eight inning games; in/Flushing, they stand pat.

5. Nationals. Still, still rebuilding/patience on the Potomac/Wood, Crews not ready.

NL CENTRAL

1. Cubs. Third base needs Morel/support; enough talent to/put Taillon first place.

2. Reds. Young, deep, and feisty/once Elly figures out big/league pitching, watch out!

3. Cardinals. Last year? Rock bottom/the “Redbird Way” still needs a/GPS, pronto.

4. Brewers. Youthful rotation/suggests a rebuild, yet their/bats still foment runs.

5. Pirates. This frigate might win/70; Keller captains/soggy staff of arms.

NL WEST

1. Dodgers. Ohtani was a/sure bet; deep pockets, too big/to fail, boom or bust.

2. D-Backs.* Snakes alive, they’re still/a dark horse; rotation depth/remains an issue.

3. Padres.* Preller the seller/pared-back Friars must make more/with less; King must reign.

4. Giants. Webb of deception/was Kapler the issue, or/are they just middling?

5. Rockies. Thin air, thin talent/Rocky Mountain wayward can’t/trade injured Bryant.

AL EAST

1. Orioles. Early birds score the/runs; adios, Angelos/good morn, Baltimore!

2. Yankees.* Soto might give Judge/Juan shot at a title; Boone’s/hot seat is charring.

3. Rays.* Wander no more, this/team is focused on winning/now (they bargain well).

4. Blue Jays. Can anyone hit/besides Bo? Good rotation/begs for run support.

5. Red Sox. Strange mix of young, old/defense issues still linger/Cora tweaks the core.

AL CENTRAL

1. Guardians. The best by default/power outage, outfield woes/persist, yet still tops.

2. Twins. Playoff monkey off/their backs, slashed payroll boosts youth/Not enough lefties.

3. Royals. Bolstered bullpen hopes/Ragans is economic/amid well-paid arms.

4. Tigers. Detroit Mercy, health/is concerning here; young arms/counter greenhorn bats.

5. White Sox. Hired ex-Royals/aren’t needed; Reinsdorf wrecks this/club all by himself.

AL WEST

1. Astros. Victor, upgrade at/backstop; soft bullpen hinders/a constant lineup.

2. Rangers*. Early DL woes/raise concerns; Wyatt won’t be/quiet for too long.

3. Mariners. Middle of the road/O (besides J-Rod); arms must/rally ‘round Raleigh. 

4. Angels. Trout, Rendon, Detmers/need rebound years; leap (O’Hoppe?)/over .500?

5. Athletics. Mount Davis, old slum/Vegas move, complicated/Sad situation.

NL ROY: Yoshinobu Yamamoto, Dodgers

AL ROY: Wyatt Langford, Rangers

NL Cy Young: Zach Wheeler, Phillies

AL Cy Young: Kevin Gausman, Blue Jays

NL MVP: Ronald Acuna, Braves

AL MVP: Julio Rodriguez, Mariners

First Manager Fired: Bud Black, Rockies

2024 World Series: Dodgers over Rangers in 7

(729)