30 Teams, 30 Haiku: My 2026 Baseball Preview

Yes, I know the Giants-Yankees game on Netflix was Wednesday night. For most baseball enthusiasts, the real Opening Day is Thursday, and as always I come prepared with 510 syllables of prognostication. (Asterisks note wild cards)


AL EAST

1. Yankees: Bevy of pitching/prospects; now back home, will we/watch Judge choke again?

2. Blue Jays*: Even without Bo/new winning culture accrues/with the exchange rate.

3. Red Sox: Haphazard roster/oddly built; give Breslow a/Lego set, pronto!

4. Orioles: Too many prospects/rushed up; new bats compensate/for lack of an ace.

5. Rays: Too good for last; rash/of injuries gives deep farm/system a long look.



AL CENTRAL

1. Tigers: Justin's victory/lap hopes to curb another/September collapse.

2. Royals*: Jac, one of a kind/Playoff return in the cards/with Ragans bounce-back.

3. Guardians: Status quo is not/enough; can grit and moxie/hide lack of power?

4. Twins: Fire sale, Buxton/remains; these pesky unknowns/might play spoiler.

5. White Sox: Fun, young energy/party like it's 99/...losses, minimum.



AL WEST

1. Mariners: No sea legs here; tight/young core floats way beyond this/ho-hum division.

2. Astros*: Formidable bats/...on paper; Hunter Brown will/fish for run support.

3. Rangers: Too injury-prone/to predict; Langford, lone star/to play every day.

4. Athletics: Feisty young bats rake/but with soft arms, 85/high-scoring losses.

5. Angels: Yikes! Manoah and/Greyson are their aces? Trout/further goes to waste.



NL EAST

1. Mets: Stearns' shake-up must pay/off late in the year; prospects/won't be Benge-warmers.

2. Phillies*: New Wheeze Kids? Aging/core still has fight; Bryson Stott/due for a breakthrough.

3. Braves*: Dark horse, if healthy/a full year of Acuna/is wishful thinking.

4. Marlins: Infield defense, sole/saving grace; Morel at first/a curious move.

5. Nationals: Youth is served, on and/off the field; middle relief/will get a workout.



NL CENTRAL

1. Cubs: Bregman doesn't miss/the playoffs; deep roster will/ensure streak goes on.

2. Brewers: Low-budget wonders/elite bullpen's ground ball rate/is a saving grace.

3. Reds: Over .500/if young bats support Suarez/and Greene is healthy.

4. Pirates: Konnor at short, long/on potential; can new bats/placate wary Skenes?

5. Cardinals: Whether Wetherholt/produces, Redbird rebuild/is now in full swing.



NL WEST

1. Dodgers: Sets cash ablaze like/a Socal wildfire/shrewd anti-heroes.

2. Padres*: A healthy Merrill/and nasty bullpen enough/to beat LA? Eh...

3. Giants: Vitello, the old/college try; "huge" risks must pay/off at Oracle.

4. D-Backs: Ketel, not traded/another playoff near-miss/looms if pitching wilts.

5. Rockies: Purple punching bag/Goodman anchors bad lineup/and worse rotation.




AL MVP: Cal Raleigh, Mariners

NL MVP: Shohei Ohtani, Dodgers

AL Cy Young: Tarik Skubal, Tigers

NL Cy Young: Paul Skenes, Pirates

AL ROY: Kevin McGonigle, Tigers

NL ROY: Nolan McLean, Mets

First Manager Fired: Mark Kotsay, A's

2026 World Series: Dodgers over Tigers in 5


Thoughts?

(766)

32 Teams, 32 Haiku: My 2025 NFL Preview

 

You know the drill:

*notes wild card

AFC NORTH

1. Ravens (12-5) Elite... until the/playoffs; rookie kicker is/only glaring concern.

2. Bengals* (10-7) Al Golden, new Vic/Fangio? Burrow-led O/can't win ten alone.

3. Steelers (8-9) Mister Rodgers' new/neighborhood; new O faces/contrast steady D.

4. Browns (5-12) Crowded QB room/among other issues; good/D-line stops pass rush.

AFC EAST

1. Bills (11-6) Allen to Kincaid/alone could carry the O/that new look D, though...

2. Dolphins (9-8) Locker room drama/makes Tua's head spin; can they/(Storm) Duck the friction?

3. Patriots (8-9) Vrabel is able/but to get this O going/it's gonna be... Maye.

4. Jets (4-13) Post-Aaron, Woody/is Field-ing a low risk bet/at QB ...for now.

AFC SOUTH

1. Texans (11-6) Low-key contender/if Stroud regains rookie form/and D-line still cooks. 

2. Jaguars (9-8) By-the-book Cats shake/it up with Hunter; patience/for Trevor wears thin.

3. Colts (5-12) Danny Dimes ponies/up; Taylor, Pittman, Warren/all stuck in first gear.

4. Titans (4-13) Stud O-line, Ward of/gifted young QB; Barton/sole vet linebacker.

AFC WEST

1. Chiefs (13-4) Mahomes isn't done/explosive plays needed to/make Worthy worthy.

2. Broncos* (10-7) Nix plays it safe as/top-tier secondary grinds/first downs to a halt.

3. Chargers* (10-7) Justin's pass stats mean/nothing without an O-line/Safety surplus helps.

4. Raiders (7-10) Geno inherits/gobs of weapons; will old Pete/right this motley ship?

NFC NORTH

1. Lions (13-4) New coaches, same Goff/Sonic & Knuckles tag-team/for elusive rings.

2. Packers* (10-7) Trading for Parsons/overshadows weak back end/like (not Love) the O.

3. Vikings (9-8) Recent draft picks aren't/impacting; heat on healthy/JJ, other kids.

4. Bears (8-9) On paper, new look/O could be entertaining/if Caleb makes strides.

NFC EAST

1. Eagles (14-3) High flying O keeps/soaring; Moro Ojomo/low-key sack leader?

2. Commanders* (12-5) Daniels, two-way threat/immediately elite/but old D might fade.

3. Cowboys (8-9) Parsons parses all/trade options; "all in" squad sure/looks like status quo.

4. Giants (5-11) Throwing (Jaxson) Darts/to see what sticks; good D-line/carries Blue burden.

NFC SOUTH

1. Bucs (10-7) Butchered Baker needs/playmakers; no edge pressure/means short playoff run.

2. Falcons (7-10) Young edges carry/patchwork D; Bijan and Drake/go hard for Penix.

3. Panthers (6-11) Which Bryce will show up/anxious ankle-biter, cool/mite or small wonder?

4. Saints (3-14) Bring back the paper/bag "hats," young Tyler isn't/ready for Shough-time.

NFC WEST

1. Niners (12-5) Brock needs receivers/Jauan wants a raise; question/marks on solid squad.

2. Rams* (11-6) McVay props up old/Stafford for another year/with bright young wideouts.

3. Seahawks (8-9) Gallant gulls, frugal/yet bold; Charbonnet becomes/Darnold's fave target.

4. Cardinals (7-10) Marvin is starvin'/to break out; healthy Kyler/makes Redbirds dark horse?

MVP: Jalen Hurts, Eagles

OROY: Ashton Jeanty, Raiders

DROY: Mykel Williams, Niners

First head coach fired: Brian Daboll, Giants

Super Bowl LX: Eagles 27, Bills 20

(756)

30 Teams, 30 Haiku: My 2025 Baseball Preview

Spring has sprung! Granted, the Cubs and Dodgers already kicked off the '25 regular season in Japan on St. Patrick's Day, but really everything begins in earnest on March 27th (which is still too early). I'm guardedly optimistic about my Royals after a surprise playoff run last year, but after only three playoff appearances since Reagan was president, any October ball is frosting on the cake. Regardless, I intend to catch a bunch of minor league games this year, both out of state and at 35th and Shields. 

*notes wild card

NL EAST

1. Braves. Keep Sale away from/the scissors; if healthy, look/out; depth is crucial.

2. Mets.* Juan puzzle piece from/contention; Kodai moments/few and far between.

3. Phillies. High-paid vets rack up/K's; Trea's summer fade hinders/consistent roster.

4. Nationals. Lack of impact guys/curbs youngsters' growth spurt; will Gore/ever be an ace?

5. Marlins. Another fishy/fire sale; Sandy, Weathers/squandered; sixty wins.

NL CENTRAL

1. Cubs. Talent on paper/hasn't done much; Tucker must/rake or Hoyer's toast.

2. Brewers. Good farm system fuels/Crew; lack of power, bullpen/questions still persist.

3. Reds. Tito's handmade crew/new faces takes burden off/Jeimer and Elly.

4. Pirates. Skenes leads sneaky-good/rotation; offense too soft/to really threaten.

5. Cardinals. Expect another/slog; transition to Chaim/won't start with "mazel!"

NL WEST

1. Dodgers. Too rich, too gifted/to fail; stud rotation can/withstand injuries.

2. Padres*. Ownership dispute/is slightly more compelling/than this good roster.

3. D-Backs*. Yet another west/team with great pitching; maybe/move to the Central?

4. Giants. No one is hitting/30 jacks here; another/pitching-first lineup.

5. Rockies. High altitude, low/bar to clear; the sole Victor/is pitcher Vodnik.

AL EAST

1. Yankees. Low ERA arms/cover Cole's absence; Volpe/breakout, overdue.

2. Orioles*. Potent young bats cool/off in the fall; with Burnes gone/who is the ace here?

3. Red Sox*. Bregman seizes hot/corner; Roman (Anthony)/empire rises.

4. Rays. Minor league park means/short fence dingers; too bad their/bats are Triple-A.

5. Blue Jays. Vlad Junior can't score/by himself; aged rotation/stopgap for rebuild.

AL CENTRAL

1. Guardians. Kwan, Jose set the/offense tone; if Williams/stays healthy, watch out!

2. Royals*. Witt, Pasquatch, Salvy/...then a drop-off. India/inked to upgrade bats.

3. Tigers. Can Gleyber adjust/to deep new digs? Young SPs/make these kitties purr.

4. Twins. On paper, righties/fear this lineup; injuries/give fans deja vu.

5. White Sox. Fifty wins is not/impossible; low Rate of/sudden turnaround.

AL WEST

1. Rangers. Texas-size IL/looks all clear (for now); will we/ever see deGrom?

2. Astros. More with less, again/good young arms hope Alvarez/stays healthy all year.

3. Mariners. J-Rod must find his/sea legs after down year; can/other bats Raleigh?

4. Angels. Another so-so/rotation abrades weary/Trout's move to DH.

5. Athletics. Unhomed pachyderms/Rooker, Butler will score runs/in... Sacramento?

AL MVP: Bobby Witt Jr, Royals

NL MVP: Shohei Ohtani, Dodgers

AL Cy Young: Tarik Skubal, Tigers

NL Cy Young: Zack Wheeler, Phillies

AL ROY: Roman Anthony, Red Sox

NL ROY: Roki Sasaki, Dodgers

First Manager Fired: Ron Washington, Angels

2025 World Series: Dodgers over Guardians in 5

(748)

32 Teams, 32 Haiku: My 2023 NFL Preview

 

After a remarkably wild summer here in Chicago --at least, as the weather as concerned-- football season sort of crept up on us. The Cubs are watchable but not contending, and the other city sports offerings have been a letdown, so why not get in on the Bears at entry level? As for the NFL as a whole, the AFC has a surplus of elite QBs, balanced out by an NFC that has quality wideouts to spare, and a good set of linebackers are a commodity no matter where you are. With world champion Kansas City hosting Detroit --two interesting teams, but hardly a rivalry-- to start the year, where does everyone really stand? 

Yes, I'm starting my annual pigskin delve with my boldest prediction. 

*notes wild card

NFC NORTH

1. Lions (10-7). Music in Motown/again; in Great Lakes dogfight/kitties claw to top.

2. Vikings (9-8). Close wins, lucky breaks/won’t sustain; can Flores fix/the secondary?

3. Bears (8-9). Fields is fun to watch/but wins are scant; porous D/curbs any progress.

4. Packers (7-10). No summer of Love/in Wisconsin tundra; soft/D evokes Swiss cheese.

NFC EAST

1. Eagles (13-4). Iffy holding calls/aside, vengeance is likely/so elite, it Hurts.

2. Cowboys (10-7)*. Dak says he won't throw/15 interceptions... he'll/throw 16 instead.

3. Giants (8-9). This year’s boom or bust/squad; Daboll and Jones will thrive/or fail, simply put.

4. Commanders (5-12). New owners, who dis?/Crafty D, patchwork O means/more Beltway boredom.

NFC SOUTH

1. Saints (10-7). Oil of Olave/keeps the Carr running; deep D/won’t just pump the brakes.

2. Falcons (8-9). Boo-birds’ high-flying/…ground game? Lack of wideouts eye/of the rebuild storm.

3. Buccaneers (7-10). Brady to Baker/saves some doubloons; younger squad/barely stays afloat.

4. Panthers (6-11). Young Bryce scurries as/O-line falters; low-key D/is Cats’ saving grace.

NFC WEST

1. 49ers (13-4). Purdy persuasion/regardless of who's QB/loaded O will feast.

2. Seahawks (10-7)*. I was wrong about/Geno; offbeat Gulls win with/excess receivers.

3. Rams (7-10). Absurd dead cap space/aging Stafford and Donald/not bad… but a mess.

4. Cardinals (3-14). Marquise attraction/wideout carries O while/Kyler recovers. 

AFC NORTH

1. Bengals (12-5). No average Joes/here; win-now mindset gives Chase/but windows can close.

2. Ravens (11-6)*. Receiver upgrade/(finally) lets Lamar throw/outside the numbers.

3. Steelers (9-8). Rarely bad, that’s not/news; how wicked will Pickett/be in season two?

4. Browns (7-10). D upgrades help, but/Watson rubs us the wrong way/even with a Chubb.

AFC EAST

1. Bills (14-3). If Hyde, Poyer, and/Von can stay healthy, they’ll break/records (and tables).

2. Dolphins (12-5)*. Tua is ready/assuming he’s healthy, or/he’ll die on his Hill.

3. Jets (10-7)*. Does Rodgers play out/of pocket… or a cave? There’s/something in the Sauce.

4. Patriots (7-10). How the tables turn/Mac must attack, or Kraft will/Jones for a rebuild.

AFC SOUTH

1. Jaguars (10-7). Lawrence won’t welk; new/targets burnish his Pro Bowl/case. Cue the bubbles!

2. Titans (8-9). Levis better learn/quick; solid D can’t cover/atrocious O-line.

3. Colts (6-11). It’s Tony Dimes’ time/run-happy O obscures young/buck under center.

4. Texans (5-12). Young with upside, yet/briskly cowed by injuries/new O-line might stun. 

AFC WEST

1. Chiefs (14-3). Youthful D is boom/or bust; with Mahomes, they’ll romp/the West anyway.

2. Chargers (11-6)*. Color me shocked if/they win a playoff game for/once; Horse Knob Herbert?

3. Broncos (8-9). Forget the diva/treatment, Peyton will force Russ/to earn his paycheck.

4. Raiders (5-12). Too many Pats’ hand/me downs (Jimmy G, Hoyer)/hold back Josh Jacobs.

NFL MVP: Patrick Mahomes, Chiefs

Offensive POY: Christian McCaffrey, Niners

Defensive POY: Ahmad “Sauce” Gardner, Jets

Offensive ROY: Bijan Robinson, Falcons

Defensive ROY: Jalen Carter, Eagles

First Head Coach Fired: Josh McDaniels, Raiders

Super Bowl LVIII: Niners 30, Bills 26

(718)

30 Teams, 30 Haiku: My 2023 Baseball Preview

After a wobbly start to the 2022 season, 2023 brought tremendous momentum to baseball, courtesy of a much-watched international tournament. With all due respect to the Czech team and their grounder-shagging prowess, the real show is here.

*notes wild card

AL EAST

1. Yankees. Early injuries/are concerning; with deep cast/who am I to Judge?

2. Blue Jays*. Young, hot talent at/ev’ry position; bullpen/woes might prove fatal.

3. Rays*. Creative lineup/and stud rotation will keep/The Trop a hot spot.

4. Orioles. Feisty young birds shocked/us all last year; lackluster/SPs won’t keep up.

5. Red Sox. Here’s the Story: all/their pitchers are injured, with/two big infield gaps. 

AL CENTRAL

1. Guardians. Best of sorry bunch/stacked farm system lurks behind/84-win club.

2. Twins. Victors, somehow of/the Correa war; beyond/that, not much to boast.

3. White Sox. Besides Benny, key/issues weren’t addressed; time for/summer of Bummer?

4. Royals. Keep your Witts about/you; subpar SPs hinder/young, regal offense.

5. Tigers. Assuming Baez/rebounds and young arms adjust/these kitties have claws.

AL WEST

1. Astros. Wheeling and dealing/suits the champs; new faces keep/fans banging on cans.

2. Mariners*. Above water at/last; young, dangerous seamen/need a switch hitter.

3. Rangers. Free agent pitchers/must stay healthy; lack of left/fielder is glaring.

4. Angels. Give up thinking Trout/and Ohtani will ever/reign in Anaheim.

5. A’s. Bolts-out rebuild yet/again; budget pachyderms/seek move to Vegas.

NL EAST

1. Phillies. Losing Bryce wasn't/nice; after surprise run, wins/won't come on a Trea. 

2. Mets*. Big Citi spenders/can high-risk old arms curb next/October collapse?

3. Braves*. Beyond Acuna/and Albies, one hopes patchwork/left field has Wright stuff.

4. Marlins. Alcantara can’t/carry this team– think fourteenth/straight losing season.

5. Nationals. Strasburg is injured/(shocker!) so DC, go watch/Ovechkin instead.

NL CENTRAL

1. Cardinals. Contreras, traidor/with so-so arms, productive/bats set the (Noot)baar.

2. Brewers. Small ball, Cream City/top tier rotation offset/by lack of power.

3. Cubs. For whom Bellinger/tolls; infinite (Pat) wisdom/says new faces thrive.

4. Reds. Time to trade Votto/this machine needs rebuilding/don’t waste the old man!

5. Pirates. These Bucs won’t compete/weird mix of young and old, but/Cruz stands tall at short.

NL WEST

1. Dodgers. 100 wins for/sure; place your Betts now for big/budget, elite squad.

2. Padres*. SoCal high drama/gutted farm system won’t help/if things go sour.

3. Giants. After ‘22/thud, who knows what to expect/Webb of mystery.

4. D-Backs. A Gallen of hope/for young bats; rotation depth/curbs upward progress.

5. Rockies. Thin air haplessness/behind Bryant and McMahon/…meh. Rebuild awaits!

AL MVP: Shohei Ohtani, Angels

NL MVP: Mookie Betts, Dodgers 

AL Cy Young: Alek Manoah, Blue Jays

NL Cy Young: Max Fried, Braves

AL Rookie of the Year: Triston Casas, Red Sox

NL Rookie of the Year: Corbin Carroll, D-Backs

First Manager Fired: Derek Shelton, Pirates

2023 World Series: Dodgers over Astros in 6

Your thoughts?

(710)

30 Teams, 30 Haiku: My 2021 Baseball Preview

 It's haiku time!

If it feels like I just posted this seven and a half months ago, well, that's because I did. We're entering our second season of baseball with COVID, and the trepidation has evolved into something peculiar. How many people will be allowed in the stands? How much money will MLB stand to lose between the pandemic, sky-high free agents, and skepticism about the exposed Astros? I don't know to answer those questions, but I know how to break down all the teams in 17 soma: 

* note wild card teams

AL EAST

1. Yankees (98-64) Title contenders/(again) even without Judge/or Stanton healthy.

2. Rays* (97-65) Like the Yanks, without/pitching depth; bats blossom for/Arozarena.

3. Blue Jays (82-80) Like the Rays, with less/pitching still; young lineup has/Springer in their step.

4. Red Sox (76-86) Lost in the shuffle/is new-look Bosox; give them/another year, tops.

5. Orioles (72-90) The (John) Means to win/aren't there yet; Mancini will/return to form, though.

AL CENTRAL

1. Twins (86-76) Cruz, ageless bopper/in soft division, power/makes you see double.

2. White Sox (84-78) Quite overrated/there's upside, but will they grow/up? Ask Drunk Tony. 

3. Royals (81-81) Keep your Whits about/you; improved regals have a/stockade of young arms.

4. Indians (74-88) Name change soon, but these/pitchers aren't anonymous/who plays outfield, though?

5. Tigers (71-91) Outside of Miggy/no star power; young, raw, and/often rough to watch.

AL WEST

1. Astros (99-63) Cheaters, remember?/JV injury hinders/orange redemption.

2. Athletics* (93-69) Minimal changes/are concerning; offense depth?/Especially so.

3. Angels (92-70) Everyone here/Ohtani, Adell, *and* Trout/needs a rebound year.

4. Mariners (67-95) Puget Sound youngsters/competent all-around, but/expect to tread water.

5. Rangers (64-98) Newly rebuilding/good outfield... and not much else/Kiner, team leader?

NL EAST

1. Braves (96-66) After LCS/collapse, deep roster has one/goal in mind: World Champs.

2. Mets* (94-68) Hello, Steve Cohen/free agent bonanza has/fans Flushing with glee.

3. Nationals (87-75) Like '19, sleeper/team with upset potential/but must stay healthy.

4. Phillies (79-83) Big bats, no defense/any team with Bryce will be/quite overrated.

5. Marlins (77-85) These fish kinda stink/last year's Cinderella team/are wearing glass cleats.

NL CENTRAL

1. Brewers (90-72) Love the rotation/*and* the bullpen, but Yelich/must return to form.

2. Cardinals (88-74) Nolan boosts aging/core; possible last run for/Waino and Yadi? 

3. Reds (83-79) In Queen City, more/is less; top-heavy pitching/with hot-or-cold bats.

4. Cubs (80-82) '16 seems like a/distant memory; budget/cuts will continue.

5. Pirates (63-99) New Walmart wonders?/Scabs, lack of prospects, so not/much bang for your Buc.

NL WEST

1. Dodgers (100-62) No discernible/weaknesses makes a repeat/inevitable.

2. Padres* (94-68) Ooooooh, that Snell! Friars/have energy to spare; they/just need a closer. 

3. Giants (71-91) The closest thing to/a spoiler; Posey is/surrounded by youth.

4. D-Backs (70-92) Trending downward in/the desert; can MadBum find/his insanity?

5. Rockies (63-99) Forget Chuck, this whole/team is Nazty; Rox' rebuild/not a gorgeous view.

AL MVP: Mike Trout, Angels

NL MVP: Mookie Betts, Dodgers

AL Cy Young: Shane Bieber, Indians

NL Cy Young: Jacob deGrom, Mets

AL ROY: Ryan Mountcastle, Orioles

NL ROY: Ke'Bryan Hayes, Pirates

First Manager Fired: Joe Girardi, Phillies

2021 World Series: Dodgers over Astros in 6

(674)

30 Teams, 30 Haiku: My 2020 Baseball Preview

This might be the first time I've ever had to write my annual baseball haikus in a t-shirt and shorts. I'm normally waiting for nicer weather, not trying to compose my thoughts in the middle of a heatwave. Let's not kid ourselves, this long-delayed and truncated 2020 baseball season is going to feel very different. Only 60 games, no fans in the stands, a number of "name" players opting out, the lingering presence of COVID-19. As far as forecasts go, this might be the trickiest baseball preview I've ever had to write. I fear that most of the rosters will be 50% Triple-A guys that wouldn't get a shot in a normal context.

Regardless, I'll try to break it down, 17 soma at a time:

NL EAST
1. Phillies (41-19) Didi? And Wheeler?/deep pockets; win-now mindset/but Bryce must rack up.
2. Nationals* (39-21) It's the Soto Show/Kieboom, a firecracker?/new Beltway bombers.
3. Braves (31-29) It's all Ronald now/will starting pitching wobble/in tough division?
4. Mets (29-31) Yoenis, stay away/from wild boars! Injuries/curb all their progress.
5. Marlins (20-40) Good, young pitching here/but run support is meager/not yet relevant.

NL CENTRAL
1. Brewers (37-23) Not as much power/bye Moose, adios Eric/but will still compete.
2. Cardinals* (35-25) A healthy Yadi/would be nice; only the 'Birds/make winning boring.
3. Reds (31-29) All bats, no defense/still improved, yet hunt for Red/October sails on.
4. Cubs (28-32) Another step back/old arms and Grandpa Rossy/can't fix leadoff woes.
5. Pirates (24-36) After bad trades, these/Bucs are frugal; for now, just/enjoy the skyline.

NL WEST
1. Dodgers (43-17) Best team, no question/Betts rides to pennant in a/Lux interior.
2. Padres* (34-26) Hoz, Manny, youngsters/Friars now have a playoff/prayer. Hail Mary!
3. Rockies* (33-27) Gifted on offense/(as usual) though Nolan/drama will distract.
4. D-Backs (25-35) MadBum and Kole were/good adds, but Marte needs to/repeat his '19.
5. Giants (21-39) A new era dawns/surplus of outfielders is/the only intrigue.

AL EAST
1. Yankees (44-16) No Aroldis? Crap!/Surplus of offense still leads/way to playoff run.
2. Rays* (33-27) No star power, no/problem! Low budget wonders/"open" up the East.
3. Red Sox (30-30) No Mookie, no Sale/proves costly; will JD have/to wait for highlights?
4. Blue Jays (28-32) Vlady, Bo, Cavan/Progeny? Nepotism?/Hope for the future.
5. Orioles (19-41) Young guns and loose parts/the disarray continues/Adley, take your time.

AL CENTRAL
1. Twins (41-19) Call the Bomba Squad/last year's sleeper got better/and doubled their fun.
2. Indians* (31-29) The young arms intrigue/Lindor trade rumors linger/a good team in flux.
3. White Sox (30-30) Resurgent... almost/they're another year away/but these kids can play.
4. Royals (25-35) Who is catching here?/Soler power not enough/to help weak pitching.
5. Tigers (22-38) Carole Baskin, save/these cats! Young arms, old Miggy/very little else.

AL WEST
1. Astros (40-20) After "Banghazi"/expect a few HBPs/and villain status.
2. Athletics* (34-26) Healthy pitching would/help topple cheaters; good bats/only do so much.
3. Angels* (32-28) Fishing without Trout/Halos still have depth and arms/to at least compete.
4. Rangers (29-31) Monster rotation/burdened by weak run support/spurs lots of strikeouts.
5. Mariners (23-37) Major FOMO now/King Felix is gone, and the/serfs are not up yet.

(asterisks note wild cards, not cheating)

AL MVP: Anthony Rendon, Angels
NL MVP: Mookie Betts, Dodgers
AL Cy Young: Gerrit Cole, Yankees
NL Cy Young: Jacob deGrom, Mets
AL ROY: Luis Robert, White Sox
NL ROY: Dylan Carlson, Cardinals
First Manager Fired: Torey Lovullo, D-Backs
2020 World Series: Dodgers over Yankees in 6

(654)

32 Teams, 32 Haiku: My 2019 NFL Preview

If you recall from last year, my 2018 preview nailed it. Don't underestimate the brevity of my pigskin forecast. Regardless, its a new season and a clean slate, and I'm breaking it down 17 soma at a time.

NFC NORTH

1. Bears (11-5). A slight regression/expected; young, dangerous/D will still stifle.

2. Packers (9-7). More Rodgers drama?/Darnell Savage can't be kind/on so-so defense.

3. Vikings (7-9). Underachievers/abound; stud receivers are/stymied by Cousins.

4. Lions (6-10). "Patty Ball," year two/secondary improvements/and same old Stafford.

NFC EAST

1. Cowboys (11-5). Dak, Zeke, Gallup, and/Coop hit their stride; playoff wins/are still elusive. 

2. Eagles* (10-6). A full year of Wentz/is crucial; just enough depth/on O to contend.

3. Redskins (6-10). It won't be Keenum/for long; solid D is not/enough in DC.

4. Giants (5-11). Eli mentors Jones/Big Blue now looks very green/a struggle to score.

NFC SOUTH

1. Saints (12-4). New faces: "Who Dat?"/one more great year from Brees might/be enough to reign.

2. Falcons (8-8). These birds are stable/don't fix what isn't broken/Ryan's pass game thrives.

3. Panthers (8-8). Pass-rush improvement/needed; the offense is too/dependant on Cam.

4. Buccaneers (3-13). Not boring to watch/patience for Jameis wears thin/young, raw team struggles.

NFC WEST

1. Rams (12-4). A tough sked, spread out/"go Gurley go, Gurley go"/no doubt on rush game.

2. Seahawks* (10-6). No Clowney around/this front seven is unreal/Jarran? Badly missed.

3. 49ers (7-9). Jimmy G's fine but/MacKinnon can't stay healthy/improved on paper.

4. Cardinals (4-12). Once a baseball stud/Kyler must learn that pro snaps/aren't easy fly outs.

AFC NORTH

1. Browns (10-6). Relevance? What's that?/Even if these Dawgs fall short/they'll be fun to watch.

2. Ravens* (9-7). A defense in flux/no rush to admit Lamar/Jackson is for real.

3. Steelers (8-8). A strong running game/offsets Big Ben's age; could be/a playoff sleeper.

4. Bengals (5-11). Dalton, red bullseye/no one to protect him as/rebuilding looms near.

AFC EAST

1. Patriots (13-3). TB12, ageless/the dominance continues/in cupcake division.

2. Bills (7-9). A discrepancy/a wobbly O, stifling D/low-scoring mayhem!

3. Jets (6-10). Le'veon was an/upgrade, but I'm not convinced/Darnold is legit.

4. Dolphins (4-12). After fire sale/Fins' QB controversy/only thing to watch.

AFC SOUTH

1. Texans (10-6). Best of a weak bunch/healthy receivers will make/Deshaun look supreme.

2. Colts (8-8). These Luckless fellows/loaded offense carried by/...Jacoby Brissett?

3. Jaguars (7-9). Will Foles pony up?/A healthy O-line would help/nix '18 hiccup.

4. Titans (6-10). Make or break, Marcus!/New coach, more physical play/and modest results.

AFC WEST

1. Chiefs (13-3). A bolstered defense/Pat, beat Brady and we'll talk/but you came close twice.

2. Chargers* (10-6). Philip Rivers is/underappreciated/can't say it enough.

3. Broncos (7-9). Delaware Joe is/an upgrade ...kinda; the D/will force turnovers.

4. Raiders (5-11). AB's helmet woes/distract; I doubt Oakland will/miss this dumb drama.

NFL MVP: Drew Brees, Saints

Offensive ROY: David Montgomery, Bears

Defensive ROY: Josh Allen, Jaguars

First Head Coach Fired: Jay Gruden, Redskins

Super Bowl LIV: Saints 24, Patriots 17

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32 Teams, 32 Haiku: My 2018 NFL Preview

I meant to post this before the Falcons-Iggles game tonight, so I apologize for the delay:

Another NFL season is upon us. Much like the Western Conference in the NBA, its clear the NFC has an overall edge on the AFC. Where the NFC North and West expect to be extremely competitive, the AFC North and South are a motley crew of uninspiring, so-so squads. Even with the Eagles boasting two elite, proven quarterbacks the competition in their own conference took a step up. The AFC has the Pats, Steelers, Texans, maybe the Bolts... and everyone else.

With that said, here is my 2018 NFL forecast, 17 syllables at a time:

NOTE: asterisks indicate wild cards

NFC North
1. Vikings. (10-6) Yum, a healthy Cook/makes rushing game savory/balance is the key.
2. Packers*. (10-6) Rodgers, China doll/weak O-line fails at their job/a legend is cheesed.
3. Bears. (7-9) The Monsters are back/D upgrades overshadow/raw, feral offense.
4. Lions. (7-9) Time for "Patty Ball"/Stafford finally has help/young D still growing.

NFC East
1. Eagles. (11-5) Foles the folk hero/must not lay an egg; repeat/depends on tough sked.
2. Giants. (9-7) Saquon, savior/finally, a rushing game/but no scoring D.
3. Cowboys. (8-8) O-line injuries/flattens the Dak; all eyes on/young secondary.
4. Redskins. (4-12) Their play-action game/doesn't fit Smith; on defense/more taters than Hogs.

NFC South
1. Saints. (11-5) Williams' gaffe aside/a team with this much bench depth/should be canonized.
2. Falcons*. (10-6) 28 to 3/still lingers; Ridley can run/believe it or not!
3. Panthers. (7-9) Beyond Cam, the O/is more kitten than cat; watch/the superb D-line.
4. Bucs. (5-11) A pure zone D can/only do so much; Jameis/needs to mature, stat!

NFC West
1. Rams. (12-4) Simply dynamic/don't scoff at Goff's weapons/One flaw? LB depth.
2. 49ers. (9-7) High-end defense picks/must earn their paychecks; Jimmy/G. can't do it all.
3. Seahawks. (7-9) Drama, now rebuild/Wilson needs a running back/new guys must produce.
4. Cardinals. (6-10) Suspect new head coach/inherits rare QB depth/birds fly if healthy.

AFC North
1. Steelers. (11-5) Big Ben clangs along/young edge rushers carry D/makes high-scoring thrills.
2. Ravens. (8-8) The "Wolf Pack" is back/a healthy Flacco still rolls/my playoff sleeper.
3. Bengals. (7-9) New O-line, who dey?/that Burfict situation/leaves hole at LB.
4. Browns. (4-12) A slow crawl back up/no new Hue, they're still orange/but upgrades intrigue.

AFC East
1. Patriots. (11-5) Brady, immortal?/Don't let yards allowed fool you/the machine rolls on.
2. Bills. (7-9) After fluke playoff/run, lack of receivers send/bison back to earth.
3. Dolphins. (6-10) Murphy's Law season/has passed; head coach must prove his/Gase or be fired.
4. Jets. (4-12) No clear-cut QB/top notch D wasted by green/faces on offense.

AFC South
1. Texans. (10-6) Bounce-back quite likely/a (healthy) dear Watson is/elementary.
2. Titans*. (9-7) Everything weighs/on Mariota's health; good/depth is not enough.
3. Jaguars. (8-8) This defense has claws/underappreciated/Bortles runs the ball.
4. Colts. (5-11) Luck is running out/Hilton aside, the whole South/has passed these ponies.

AFC West
1. Chargers. (10-6) The sacks keep coming/and underrated Rivers/keeps offense floating.
2. Chiefs*. (9-7) Young Mahomes has toys/but porous D persists; will/the hotshot grow up?
3. Broncos. (6-10) No horsing around/at QB, a puzzling Case/fans might get a Chubb.
4. Raiders. (5-11) Davis and Chucky/wheel and deal without mercy/Vegas move distracts.

NFL MVP: Todd Gurley, Rams
Offensive ROY: Saquon Barkley, Giants
Defensive ROY: Roquan Smith, Bears
First Head Coach Fired: Hue Jackson, Browns
Super Bowl LIII: Patriots 25, Rams 20

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