Wednesday, September 30, 2026

*sigh*

To my handful of non-American readers, I want to be transparent with you: living in a kakistocracy is not fun. I'd call it the Dunning-Kruger effect, but that would insinuate more competence than this.

Early projections suggest that in spite of gerrymandering and President Trump's machinations, Democrats will take back the House and Senate in November. (I'm not holding my breath for that $5,000.) Vice President Vance has been forced to beg for patience. Don't get cocky or assumptive-- vote out the bums.

During the 2016 election cycle and into Trump's first term, I kept convincing myself that the aberration would wear down, that people would wise up. It's been over a decade now, and the brainwashing has barely worn off. At least a third of the population is still enamored with this old, bloated, vindictive a-hole. It's a cult of personality that I still can't comprehend.

I'll be less succinct in another post.


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Tuesday, September 8, 2026

32 Teams, 32 Haiku: My 2026 NFL Preview



If you're a semi-regular reader of my blog, you know I do this every September. Enjoy and Bear Down!

*notes wild card

AFC NORTH
1. Ravens (11-6) Minter knows less is/more; peak Lamar curbed by soft/wideouts, weak pass rush.
2. Bengals* (10-7) Will a competent/D be enough? Mid passing/game also concerns.
3. Steelers (8-9) Oh god, Aaron is/still here? Head coach reunion/won't turn back the clock.
4. Browns (4-13) QB room? Clown show/Bad Watson contract casts pall/on fun young talents.

AFC EAST
1. Bills (12-5) Elite squad... until/New Year's; new coaches, new field/must curb same results.
2. Patriots* (11-6) Who rushes faster/Rhamondre, or Mike Vrabel/from his estranged wife?
3. Jets (6-11) Good O-line squandered/on Geno; beefy D-line/secret saving grace.
4. Dolphins (5-12) Fins down, canned tuna/nascent rebuild wastes Achane/slightly built workhorse.

AFC SOUTH
1. Colts (11-6) Tough September sked/but healthy Jones-Taylor-Pierce/aren't horsing around.
2. Jaguars (9-8) Losing Etienne/replacing him with... Bhayshul?/At least there's Hunter.
3. Texans (8-9) Which CJ shows up/hinges on new O-line; league/best D is stingy.
4. Titans (5-12) Ex-Jets and Giants/"volunteer" for Cam; breakout/year under center?

AFC WEST
1. Broncos (12-5) We can't quit you, Vance/Joseph; well-rounded roster/now runs with Waddle.
2. Chiefs* (11-6) Was last year a fluke?/New, younger D more suspect/than aging Kelce.
3. Chargers (8-9) Beat good teams, and we'll/talk Lombardi; new tackles/should let Herbert cook.
4. Raiders (5-12) Mendoza knows how/to win; for now, he's holding/a clipboard for Kirk.

NFC NORTH
1. Bears (11-6) Behind Sweat, pass rush/toils; Ben-Caleb tandem/keeps winning close games.
2. Lions* (10-7) Can kitties land on/their feet? Lack of good corners/makes rebound tricky.
3. Vikings (9-8) Deep wideout room helps/wee Kyler; great special teams/makes them Norse sleepers.
4. Packers (8-9) Jacobs *and* Parsons/both out? LaFleur says "cheese" to/green and gold gap year.

NFC EAST
1. Eagles (11-6) Feathered drama queens/deep roster on verge of boom/bust or fire sale.
2. Cowboys* (10-7) Dependable Dak/has weapons; new-look D makes/all the difference.
3. Commanders (7-10) Blame Peters, not Quinn/if Jayden struggles; roster/has too many "ifs."
4. Giants (5-12) Can Jalen Brunson/throw a football? Poor Dart won't/make many bullseyes.

NFC SOUTH
1. Bucs (9-8) Second-half capsize/must be avoided; Baker/can't be a butcher.
2. Panthers (8-9) Is Bryce good or bad?/Yes! Chuba's chops are enough/to carry the O. 
3. Saints (7-10) Shough me the second/half of last year wasn't a/fluke and I'll believe.
4. Falcons (6-11) Hawk Tua (sorry)/carried by Drake, Bijon, and/Pitts; blitz-happy D.

NFC WEST
1. Seahawks (13-4) They don't need household/names; understated talent/flies in Puget Sound.
2. Rams* (11-6) Garrett *and* Donald/insane D; sole concern is/can Puka shut up? 
3. Niners (9-8) So injury-prone/the HC was on IR/at least they have Mac.
4. Cardinals (4-13) Eight-decade 'chip drought/continues; anonymous/squad behind Brissett.

MVP: Bo Nix, Broncos
OROY: Jeremiyah Love, Cardinals 
DROY: David Bailey, Jets
First Head Coach Fired: Aaron Glenn, Jets
Super Bowl LXI: Seahawks 28, Broncos 20

Your thoughts are always welcome. 

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