Dispatches from Arm's Length, Part 16

 I apologize that it's been over a month; my sister and I are still in the process of cleaning out our parents' house, and between that and work I've been too distracted to write. 

The masks aren't going away anytime soon. Yes, I know the vaccinated can go without them, but there are too many intangibles. I had my second shot over two months ago, but some people *cough* evangelicals *cough* tinfoil hats *cough* are still dragging their heels. It's now very much a common courtesy thing, a necessary obligation when I shop or whenever I'm in class.

Things are trending in a positive way here in the US, but my optimism is hindered by a spike in cases in India, Nepal, and other far-flung locales. A new variant has been found in Vietnam, which isn't that far from where COVID-19 was first discovered 18 months ago. (Okay, fine, it's a 10 hour flight, but still.) As I said earlier this year, we can't pretend this is over just yet. 80% is not 100%. 

Next Week: my annual (albeit late) mindset list.

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30 Teams, 30 Haiku: My 2021 Baseball Preview

 It's haiku time!

If it feels like I just posted this seven and a half months ago, well, that's because I did. We're entering our second season of baseball with COVID, and the trepidation has evolved into something peculiar. How many people will be allowed in the stands? How much money will MLB stand to lose between the pandemic, sky-high free agents, and skepticism about the exposed Astros? I don't know to answer those questions, but I know how to break down all the teams in 17 soma: 

* note wild card teams

AL EAST

1. Yankees (98-64) Title contenders/(again) even without Judge/or Stanton healthy.

2. Rays* (97-65) Like the Yanks, without/pitching depth; bats blossom for/Arozarena.

3. Blue Jays (82-80) Like the Rays, with less/pitching still; young lineup has/Springer in their step.

4. Red Sox (76-86) Lost in the shuffle/is new-look Bosox; give them/another year, tops.

5. Orioles (72-90) The (John) Means to win/aren't there yet; Mancini will/return to form, though.

AL CENTRAL

1. Twins (86-76) Cruz, ageless bopper/in soft division, power/makes you see double.

2. White Sox (84-78) Quite overrated/there's upside, but will they grow/up? Ask Drunk Tony. 

3. Royals (81-81) Keep your Whits about/you; improved regals have a/stockade of young arms.

4. Indians (74-88) Name change soon, but these/pitchers aren't anonymous/who plays outfield, though?

5. Tigers (71-91) Outside of Miggy/no star power; young, raw, and/often rough to watch.

AL WEST

1. Astros (99-63) Cheaters, remember?/JV injury hinders/orange redemption.

2. Athletics* (93-69) Minimal changes/are concerning; offense depth?/Especially so.

3. Angels (92-70) Everyone here/Ohtani, Adell, *and* Trout/needs a rebound year.

4. Mariners (67-95) Puget Sound youngsters/competent all-around, but/expect to tread water.

5. Rangers (64-98) Newly rebuilding/good outfield... and not much else/Kiner, team leader?

NL EAST

1. Braves (96-66) After LCS/collapse, deep roster has one/goal in mind: World Champs.

2. Mets* (94-68) Hello, Steve Cohen/free agent bonanza has/fans Flushing with glee.

3. Nationals (87-75) Like '19, sleeper/team with upset potential/but must stay healthy.

4. Phillies (79-83) Big bats, no defense/any team with Bryce will be/quite overrated.

5. Marlins (77-85) These fish kinda stink/last year's Cinderella team/are wearing glass cleats.

NL CENTRAL

1. Brewers (90-72) Love the rotation/*and* the bullpen, but Yelich/must return to form.

2. Cardinals (88-74) Nolan boosts aging/core; possible last run for/Waino and Yadi? 

3. Reds (83-79) In Queen City, more/is less; top-heavy pitching/with hot-or-cold bats.

4. Cubs (80-82) '16 seems like a/distant memory; budget/cuts will continue.

5. Pirates (63-99) New Walmart wonders?/Scabs, lack of prospects, so not/much bang for your Buc.

NL WEST

1. Dodgers (100-62) No discernible/weaknesses makes a repeat/inevitable.

2. Padres* (94-68) Ooooooh, that Snell! Friars/have energy to spare; they/just need a closer. 

3. Giants (71-91) The closest thing to/a spoiler; Posey is/surrounded by youth.

4. D-Backs (70-92) Trending downward in/the desert; can MadBum find/his insanity?

5. Rockies (63-99) Forget Chuck, this whole/team is Nazty; Rox' rebuild/not a gorgeous view.

AL MVP: Mike Trout, Angels

NL MVP: Mookie Betts, Dodgers

AL Cy Young: Shane Bieber, Indians

NL Cy Young: Jacob deGrom, Mets

AL ROY: Ryan Mountcastle, Orioles

NL ROY: Ke'Bryan Hayes, Pirates

First Manager Fired: Joe Girardi, Phillies

2021 World Series: Dodgers over Astros in 6

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Dispatches from Arm's Length, Part 15

 One damn year. What was supposed to be a few weeks, maybe a couple months has now dragged on for over a year. I'm glad to see vaccinations are accelerating, but the assumption that just because the weather is warmer means relaxing certain protocols is lazy and dangerous. (Remember when people thought the summer heat would kill the virus?) I feel like we're 75% of the way there, yet we're going to be at 75% for a good while. 

I have both of my shots, but I'm still going to wear a mask everywhere. It's common courtesy, if nothing else. People are getting sloppy and inconsistent about mask-wearing here in Chicago and the suburbs, which is as troubling now as it was 12 months ago.

My annual Spring battle with allergies came and went last year with much of an impact, and I think wearing a mask contributed to that. I get hit again in mid-October too, and I had maybe two days of sneezing and nasal drip. I hope against hope that this March and April will be the same. Otherwise, I'll stock up on Claritin.

Next week: my annual baseball preview.

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Random Notes, March 2021

 Bouncing off the (news) satellites:

+ I was fully expecting the early days of the Biden administration to be a mixed bag. The worst is gone, but our problems will not be immediately absolved. The decision to bomb Syria to intimidate Iran was concerning, but I like what Biden et al. are doing in regards to the pandemic. 

+ Meanwhile, I have both of my COVID shots!

+ It probably goes without saying I'm not flying to Texas for Spring Break. Money is too tight to travel, on top of... well, you know. I am saving my money for a couple of short, cost-effective road trips, though.

+ If I've been keeping my semi-regular dispatches short, I've been distracted or overwhelmed by other things at the moment. Cleaning out our parents' house has been just as much of a challenge as I expected. My sister and I are sifting through the belongings of not just things we inherited from our parents, but from grandparents, aunts and uncles as well. So much of our once big, sprawling Catholic brood has trickled down to the two of us.

+ I'm guardedly optimistic about my Royals this year. We made a number of good moves, and I have faith in our plethora of above-average arms in the minor leagues. I'll go more into detail when I write my baseball haikus later this month. 

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Dispatches from Arm's Length, Part 13

History will remember Trump as Thomas Hobbes gone wrong. Trump is not conceding. I doubt he ever will. But I digress.

Two of my school districts have gone all-remote, and the other three will likely follow. Once the apparent standard for handling COVID, the state of Illinois is now flooded with cases. (New York received more media attention.) Mayor Lightfoot is discouraging Chicagoans from leaving their residences outside of necessities, and it's just a matter of time before Gov. Pritzker announces another statewide lockdown. Suffice to say, we're bracing for a long winter.

In the event schools close again, I'm not totally screwed financially. I have a seasonal temp job on weekends, something that if all else fails will keep me afloat through New Year's. I have minimal retail experience, but so good so far. If that somehow falls though, then I have Lyft. In the meantime, I keep worrying; everything could shift again in a matter of minutes. 

Next Week: my 16th "thanks/no thanks" list.

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Dispatches from Arm's Length, Part 12

 Exactly as I feared, we're taking a collective step backward. COVID cases are on the rise in all 50 states and DC. Even though Illinois was getting high marks from the CDC, we're not immune in any way. The Chicago area is in a "red zone" like the rest of the state, and in Illinois' five-phase outline, we're probably going back to phase two, if not phase one. One of my districts will go back to all-remote learning starting Monday the 26th, just three weeks after they reopened the buildings (to appease annoyed parents). Local restaurants will stop offering al fresco dining on Friday, though that's partially because of cold weather. I guess that means more Lyft and Postmates for me. An unwanted third wave is here, and we need to stay the course. 

Other notes:

+ I think nine Supreme Court justices is just the right number. No more and no less. Increasing the number to 11 just feels like a power move to appease progressives. Also, even though Clarence Thomas is "only" 72, I'm sure he's contemplating retirement. 

+ Let me emphasize again that whoever wins the White House in two weeks will do so by a razor's edge. Here's why. 

+ I predict Dodgers over the Rays in seven. I haven't been following baseball as religiously as I normally do, but I anticipate a fun, back-and-forth series.

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Dispatches from Arm's Length, Part 8

I hate to say it, but America just can't have nice things.

There's nothing partisan here: California, Texas, and Florida all equally screwed up. A slow domino effect has started, the states that opened too quickly are facing the ramifications, and the states that opened at a more reasonable speed to slowly are gradually scaling back. Red states like Indiana and Alabama will soon have mandatory mask laws. Any doubts about a second wave have been quashed. The entire country is about to take a step backwards.

I enjoyed my summer, albeit briefly. I took a two-day road trip to Bloomington-Normal, where I visited two friends. My roommate and I made two beer runs to southeastern Wisconsin --we love our New Glarus-- just before the governor of Illinois put the Badger State on a discouraged travel list. I tried to get autographs outside Wrigley Field before last Sunday's Cubs-Brewers rubber match, to no avail. (Wrigley has grown rather strict about autograph hounds since renovations.) Otherwise, it's just six more weeks of heat, interrupted occasionally by Lyft and socially distanced baseball.

As this happens, President Trump and his lazy, deluded response to COVID-19 is impossible to ignore. Where we struggle, other nations have all but recovered. His presidency is no longer defined by Russia, Ukraine, or Stormy Daniels, but rather his narcissistic ineptitude during a pandemic. He gaslights and spreads misinformation in an effort to save face, but his lack of real accomplishments during his 3 1/2 years in office speak volumes. And yet, there's a 40% chance he could still get reelected.  Stay vigilant, friends. 

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30 Teams, 30 Haiku: My 2020 Baseball Preview

This might be the first time I've ever had to write my annual baseball haikus in a t-shirt and shorts. I'm normally waiting for nicer weather, not trying to compose my thoughts in the middle of a heatwave. Let's not kid ourselves, this long-delayed and truncated 2020 baseball season is going to feel very different. Only 60 games, no fans in the stands, a number of "name" players opting out, the lingering presence of COVID-19. As far as forecasts go, this might be the trickiest baseball preview I've ever had to write. I fear that most of the rosters will be 50% Triple-A guys that wouldn't get a shot in a normal context.

Regardless, I'll try to break it down, 17 soma at a time:

NL EAST
1. Phillies (41-19) Didi? And Wheeler?/deep pockets; win-now mindset/but Bryce must rack up.
2. Nationals* (39-21) It's the Soto Show/Kieboom, a firecracker?/new Beltway bombers.
3. Braves (31-29) It's all Ronald now/will starting pitching wobble/in tough division?
4. Mets (29-31) Yoenis, stay away/from wild boars! Injuries/curb all their progress.
5. Marlins (20-40) Good, young pitching here/but run support is meager/not yet relevant.

NL CENTRAL
1. Brewers (37-23) Not as much power/bye Moose, adios Eric/but will still compete.
2. Cardinals* (35-25) A healthy Yadi/would be nice; only the 'Birds/make winning boring.
3. Reds (31-29) All bats, no defense/still improved, yet hunt for Red/October sails on.
4. Cubs (28-32) Another step back/old arms and Grandpa Rossy/can't fix leadoff woes.
5. Pirates (24-36) After bad trades, these/Bucs are frugal; for now, just/enjoy the skyline.

NL WEST
1. Dodgers (43-17) Best team, no question/Betts rides to pennant in a/Lux interior.
2. Padres* (34-26) Hoz, Manny, youngsters/Friars now have a playoff/prayer. Hail Mary!
3. Rockies* (33-27) Gifted on offense/(as usual) though Nolan/drama will distract.
4. D-Backs (25-35) MadBum and Kole were/good adds, but Marte needs to/repeat his '19.
5. Giants (21-39) A new era dawns/surplus of outfielders is/the only intrigue.

AL EAST
1. Yankees (44-16) No Aroldis? Crap!/Surplus of offense still leads/way to playoff run.
2. Rays* (33-27) No star power, no/problem! Low budget wonders/"open" up the East.
3. Red Sox (30-30) No Mookie, no Sale/proves costly; will JD have/to wait for highlights?
4. Blue Jays (28-32) Vlady, Bo, Cavan/Progeny? Nepotism?/Hope for the future.
5. Orioles (19-41) Young guns and loose parts/the disarray continues/Adley, take your time.

AL CENTRAL
1. Twins (41-19) Call the Bomba Squad/last year's sleeper got better/and doubled their fun.
2. Indians* (31-29) The young arms intrigue/Lindor trade rumors linger/a good team in flux.
3. White Sox (30-30) Resurgent... almost/they're another year away/but these kids can play.
4. Royals (25-35) Who is catching here?/Soler power not enough/to help weak pitching.
5. Tigers (22-38) Carole Baskin, save/these cats! Young arms, old Miggy/very little else.

AL WEST
1. Astros (40-20) After "Banghazi"/expect a few HBPs/and villain status.
2. Athletics* (34-26) Healthy pitching would/help topple cheaters; good bats/only do so much.
3. Angels* (32-28) Fishing without Trout/Halos still have depth and arms/to at least compete.
4. Rangers (29-31) Monster rotation/burdened by weak run support/spurs lots of strikeouts.
5. Mariners (23-37) Major FOMO now/King Felix is gone, and the/serfs are not up yet.

(asterisks note wild cards, not cheating)

AL MVP: Anthony Rendon, Angels
NL MVP: Mookie Betts, Dodgers
AL Cy Young: Gerrit Cole, Yankees
NL Cy Young: Jacob deGrom, Mets
AL ROY: Luis Robert, White Sox
NL ROY: Dylan Carlson, Cardinals
First Manager Fired: Torey Lovullo, D-Backs
2020 World Series: Dodgers over Yankees in 6

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Dispatches from Arm's Length, Part 7

In case you hadn't noticed, there's still a pandemic going on.

I had no doubt in my mind that most states opened too early. Scientific experts warned of a second wave, and it's already hit the deep south (incidentally, the first states to open) and states with shrinking COVID cases are easing into opening with wariness. Governors that put the economy over their constituents are eating their words. The Gallants to these Goofuses (Goofi?) treaded lightly from the get-go, fully knowing the federal government wouldn't be much help.

Before you call me out for posting "old news," I am sharing this article from early March to remind everyone that Trump administration's response to COVID-19 was embarrassingly weak even before the entire country shuttered. Trump's legacy is now forever tainted by a crisis he refused to respond to until it was too late. If you still don't believe there's a pandemic, you're a godforsaken fool, and the Venn diagram between you and President Trump's most ardent supporters is practically one circle.

I wanted this post to be strictly about the pandemic, but it played an indirect part in the upheaval of the Chicago comedy community. Last week, iO Chicago co-founder and owner Charna Halpern shut down the improv institution after 39 years, claiming it as a COVID casualty. Perhaps, but that was only one reason: Charna was put on blast for decades of mistreatment of women, people of color, and the LGBTQ+ community. A number of talented performers refused to do business with iO and not without reason.

In the aftermath of iO's demise, a private Facebook group was launched called Chicago Improv Rebuild. I was added in the first 24 hours of its creation, but I had to put the group on mute within a day or so. The intent was noble, and some good ideas were expressed and exchanged, but this forum was dragged down in quick procession by interpersonal drama. Racism, sexism, and transphobia permeate through our comedy community, but the dialogue is dominated by people who are in love with the sound of their own voice. One person in question (long story) made me feel uncomfortable on a couple of occasions, but played the victim and resorted to character assassination. There are now at least six admins/moderators, but it still doesn't feel like there are enough adults in the room. The narcissism is too unyielding.

How am I handling things otherwise? I'm going to safely assume that any ambitious plans for the remainder of 2020 are shot. I might take a day trip to northwest Indiana, maybe to central Illinois too, but any chance of more travel will have to wait awhile. I'm receiving state unemployment benefits, while still supplementing my income with Lyft. Substitute teaching at the start of the 2020-21 school year is looking unlikely. Hosting remote comedy shows has been a nice relief, but I'm still restless and bored.

More dispatches soon. It feels good to be writing on a semi-regular basis again. Happy Fourth.

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Dispatches from Arm's Length, Part 1

I am an ambivert. For the unfamiliar, an ambivert is someone who shares traits with introverts and extroverts but doesn't really qualify as either. I find balance in alone time and human interaction, but do neither in excess. On Tuesday the 17th, I only interacted with my roommate and a six-month-old kitten. I did something similar on Thursday the 19th. With all due respect to them, this is gonna suck.

The government has to take most of the blame for failing to address COVID-19 until it was too late. As a society, we also have to take some accountability for not taking this seriously. Shutting down society as we know it is straight out of some young adult novel about a farmgirl who's also an above-average archer. Desperation moves are already happening.

I am mainly a substitute teacher, which have been mostly furloughed as regular educators are forced to teach online. I'm a Lyft driver over the summer, so my backup plan has faltered because no one is traveling or commuting. (Hooray for bailout money?) That's not to say I've been doing the best job at quarantining, either. During the first full week of staying at home, I made three trips back to the west suburbs to get mail, buy supplies, and see the dogs.

The experts say the United States needs to quarantine for at least another month. President Trump, someone who has repeatedly demonstrated a lack of empathy, wants businesses to reopen around Easter (April 12th, for the heathens). People are still getting sick, and efforts to "flatten the curve" are right now in a losing fight. In the meantime, I'm going to try and update everyone on my well-being on this blog three, maybe four times a month until things settle. Wash your hands, and take care.

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