Dispatches from Arm's Length, Part 13

History will remember Trump as Thomas Hobbes gone wrong. Trump is not conceding. I doubt he ever will. But I digress.

Two of my school districts have gone all-remote, and the other three will likely follow. Once the apparent standard for handling COVID, the state of Illinois is now flooded with cases. (New York received more media attention.) Mayor Lightfoot is discouraging Chicagoans from leaving their residences outside of necessities, and it's just a matter of time before Gov. Pritzker announces another statewide lockdown. Suffice to say, we're bracing for a long winter.

In the event schools close again, I'm not totally screwed financially. I have a seasonal temp job on weekends, something that if all else fails will keep me afloat through New Year's. I have minimal retail experience, but so good so far. If that somehow falls though, then I have Lyft. In the meantime, I keep worrying; everything could shift again in a matter of minutes. 

Next Week: my 16th "thanks/no thanks" list.

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Dispatches from Arm's Length, Part 12

 Exactly as I feared, we're taking a collective step backward. COVID cases are on the rise in all 50 states and DC. Even though Illinois was getting high marks from the CDC, we're not immune in any way. The Chicago area is in a "red zone" like the rest of the state, and in Illinois' five-phase outline, we're probably going back to phase two, if not phase one. One of my districts will go back to all-remote learning starting Monday the 26th, just three weeks after they reopened the buildings (to appease annoyed parents). Local restaurants will stop offering al fresco dining on Friday, though that's partially because of cold weather. I guess that means more Lyft and Postmates for me. An unwanted third wave is here, and we need to stay the course. 

Other notes:

+ I think nine Supreme Court justices is just the right number. No more and no less. Increasing the number to 11 just feels like a power move to appease progressives. Also, even though Clarence Thomas is "only" 72, I'm sure he's contemplating retirement. 

+ Let me emphasize again that whoever wins the White House in two weeks will do so by a razor's edge. Here's why. 

+ I predict Dodgers over the Rays in seven. I haven't been following baseball as religiously as I normally do, but I anticipate a fun, back-and-forth series.

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Random Notes, August 2020

 Hot takes from the guy that was writing hot takes before people started using the phrase "hot takes":

+ I'm a little confused about something. Can someone explain how a 17-year-old boy that illegally possessed a firearm, was driven from Antioch, IL to Kenosha, WI and back, walked past cops without any issue, fired multiple rounds into a crowd, killed two unarmed protestors and wounded a third, is a hero?

+ Just to clarify: you have to be 21 to own a firearm in Illinois, and 18 in Wisconsin. This boy is an incoming high school senior.

+ JB Pritzker is probably Illinois' best governor since Jim Edgar. Considering the four governors between them were George Ryan, Rod Blagojevich, Pat Quinn, and Bruce Rauner, I'll let you determine the level of praise. Regardless, he's done a good job of handing COVID-19, in spite of how much people downstate grumble. It hasn't been perfect, but given how the governors of Florida, Georgia, and California (among others) have bungled things, I'll take it. Let's see how the Illinois GOP tries to paint a weak "violation of liberty" picture in 2022.

+ I've been writing this blog for over 15 years. (The anniversary was in June, but given everything going on, it just came and went.) Even though my politics have veered from the center left to solid liberal, I've consistently tried to understand the rationale of modern conservative politics. As many regular readers know, I spent two years working at a right-wing news/talk radio station, feeling like Jane Goodall observing the apes. Not only do I fail to comprehend today's conservative moment anymore, it's almost devoid of critical thinking and independent thought. Today's Republicans are brainwashed boot-lickers. This year's election will come down to the wire again, and if Biden loses, pray for us. 

Next Week: my 2020 NFL preview.

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Dispatches from Arm's Length, Part 8

I hate to say it, but America just can't have nice things.

There's nothing partisan here: California, Texas, and Florida all equally screwed up. A slow domino effect has started, the states that opened too quickly are facing the ramifications, and the states that opened at a more reasonable speed to slowly are gradually scaling back. Red states like Indiana and Alabama will soon have mandatory mask laws. Any doubts about a second wave have been quashed. The entire country is about to take a step backwards.

I enjoyed my summer, albeit briefly. I took a two-day road trip to Bloomington-Normal, where I visited two friends. My roommate and I made two beer runs to southeastern Wisconsin --we love our New Glarus-- just before the governor of Illinois put the Badger State on a discouraged travel list. I tried to get autographs outside Wrigley Field before last Sunday's Cubs-Brewers rubber match, to no avail. (Wrigley has grown rather strict about autograph hounds since renovations.) Otherwise, it's just six more weeks of heat, interrupted occasionally by Lyft and socially distanced baseball.

As this happens, President Trump and his lazy, deluded response to COVID-19 is impossible to ignore. Where we struggle, other nations have all but recovered. His presidency is no longer defined by Russia, Ukraine, or Stormy Daniels, but rather his narcissistic ineptitude during a pandemic. He gaslights and spreads misinformation in an effort to save face, but his lack of real accomplishments during his 3 1/2 years in office speak volumes. And yet, there's a 40% chance he could still get reelected.  Stay vigilant, friends. 

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Dispatches from Arm's Length, Part 6

Public opinion is starting to sway toward reopening. That's not to say we're ready by any means; the United States is collectively fatigued after 10 weeks at home. The threat of COVID-19 hasn't gone away --I'm going to keep repeating that-- and states that have reopened have all seen spikes in cases and deaths. People are fighting on social media and in real life over wearing masks. These bold and brazen folks are calling us fraidy-cats. We're only thinking about ourselves, not others, and especially not the immuno-compromised. Illinois still has stay in place, but the governor is buckling.

Admittedly, I'm getting rather bold myself. At first, I was limiting driving for Lyft and Postmates to two, maybe three nights a week. With my unemployment benefits lapsing in two weeks, I'm hesitant to keep dipping into rainy day money. I'm waking up a little earlier, trying to get more stuff done around the apartment in daylight, then go out driving just in time for rush hour. Unless businesses completely reopen (that is to say, are safe to reopen) this is pretty much my life for the next three months.

My latest concern is whether I can afford to stay in my apartment. I'm 6 1/2 months into a one-year lease. Unemployment benefits from the state would help somewhat, but I don't want to face that ordeal again. My roommate is a furloughed cook; he leaves the apartment maybe once a week, and he's practically paying rent as a loan shark. (More on that later.) My sister's best friend and tenant is mostly back at her parents' house; her father died suddenly in early May, and her mother is immuno-compromised. Whether she stays at my sister's house remains to be seen. I still drive out once a week to pick up mail, see the dogs, and soldier on with our never-ending cleaning project. I feel guilty, as if making the 40-minute drive is a wasteful luxury.

Next Week: my annual mindset list.

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Dispatches from Arm's Length, Part 4

The quarantine was supposed to last a couple of weeks. Two weeks became three, then a month, then seven weeks, and now likely about three months. Each one of my optimistic predictions has come and gone, and my most recent prognostication --my aforementioned loosening of stay in place around May 22nd-- is likely to be for naught. Whatever plans I had for May, including the now postponed Omaha Comedy Festival, have been scuttled.

The rest of the 2019-20 school year in Illinois has been officially left to E-learning, which leaves me out of steady work until the third week in August. I've applied for temp jobs but haven't heard back. I had been depending on Lyft and Postmates, but the hacking of Instacart, an apparent Google Maps glitch, and an ensuing domino effect has thwarted any real source of income for the moment.

Also during week six, I accidentally stumbled into an argument with a conservative college acquaintance and a friend of his on Facebook. (Rest assured, on the rare occasion I get into a Facebook argument, you will hear about it here.) I believed that the extended stay in place order was hardly desired but necessary; we can't ease ourselves into anything remotely normal until COVID-19 is eradicated. My friend of a friend lived in a rural area in central Illinois, and was frustrated that she and her family can't go fishing. Both made a valid point about how this is destroying small businesses, though that has been a problem everywhere.  I kind of wanted to know more about she was getting by in a less densely populated part of the state, but her condescending attitude about Chicago turned me off. I failed to articulate that everyone is struggling right now. At least neither of them spit out any Trump rhetoric.

Besides unexpected petty squabbles on social media, how am I entertaining myself? I'm catching up on magazines and the Sunday papers. I downloaded a Sudoku app on my phone, something I haven't done in maybe four years. I've struck up conversations on OkCupid and participated in an online (Zoom) dating event. My barprov show is doing one hour remote (again, Zoom) shows twice a week. It may seem like a lot, but it's barely enough. I treated the first round of the NFL Draft like appointment television; otherwise, I feel too distracted to binge on any TV shows. Obviously, I'm still writing.

In the meantime, I will continue to update this blog as things progress and regress. We've all seen a lot of crazy together, and like a certain curve that has barely flattened, it's probably going to get worse. I've never had much interaction through my blog --well, not since the TV.com days-- but if you're reading this, don't be afraid to comment or drop a line. I want to make sure you're okay, too.

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The Curious Case of the Amiable Aesthete

Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy 35th birthday. I will admit that it was not my intention to drag out my birthday festivities for nearly a week. It's been a busy few days, so I've been slow to reply to messages. Suffice to say, I haven't quite harnessed the Facebook algorithm, either; any time I gave a post a thumbs up, it landed on a mutual friend's news feed. I may not always demonstrate it, but I am grateful. Emotions may not come across in DMs, but social awkwardness permeates everywhere.

Also, for those of you who haven't read my blog before-- welcome! This is where I get serious, long-winded, and discuss what's going on in my life. Social media is for the succinct and the concise; I am seldom the former and rarely the latter. I started blogging in Summer 2005 and I've been on Blogspot since December '08. Besides my FB page, I'm also on Twitter. Your friendship and support means more than any birthday present.

Next Week: my 2019 NFL preview.

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Some Final Thoughts on the 2018 Midterm Elections

Tomorrow, November 6th will be the crucial midterm election in recent memory. In fact, it might be most imperative midterm vote in American history. That might seem cliche, but between 2016 and this year I don't think I've seen democracy at a greater crossroads. This election is undeniably a moratorium on President Trump and the perceived long-term damage he is doing to the United States.

Like millions of Americans, I voted early. I was relieved not only to see so many people brag on social media about voting before November 6th, but a disproportionate number under age 40 do so. For some, who you voted for is no one's business but your own (and maybe the Russians) and you can boast about participating in the process without expressing a specific political stance. I'm sure at least one person reading this disagrees vehemently with my political views, and that's your right. Your participation in the process is what matters most.

Granted, a fair percentage of the candidates are not your cup of tea. For the umpteenth election in a row, the governor's race in my home state is an uninspiring shitshow. For the unfamiliar, a proto-Trump multimillionaire political novice is running for reelection against a bizarro Trump multimillionaire political novice. In reality, the political power in Illinois still rests in the hands of the prematurely fossilizing, Emperor Palpatine wannabe we call our Speaker of the House. Someone will win, but Illinois keeps losing.

Even if a handful of races are unsavory or a lost cause, that should not deter you or anyone else from filling out a ballot. If 2016 was undercut by progressives' inability to coelesce behind a common cause, this is our one opportunity to redeem ourselves. The notion of a liberal litmus test is ridiculous. Maybe some of the stereotypes are true: we're too sensitive, whiny, needy and anal. That by no means is meant to de-legitimize triggers and aggressors.  For one day, we have to show a united front, and check our egos at the door.

In other words, don't let the bullies win.

This is the seventh election (midterms, presidential, or otherwise) in which I've given a pre-vote pep talk to anyone willing to read my ramblings. This is the second such pep talk I've given where I've been unabashedly partisan; our president is a narcissistic, con artist buffoon who still demonstrates a remedial knowledge of how the world works after nearly two years in office. If we can't get rid of Donald Trump, then we can at least undercut him.

In short, for the love of all things good, please vote.

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Allard Across America

My year of travel continues:

Since mid-March, I've been in four states besides Illinois: Texas, Maryland, Iowa, and Nebraska. If you include a day trip I took to Janesville, WI just after Christmas, I've been in six states in the last six months. At long last, in about two weeks I am setting my sights on New York City. This has been over a decade in the making. I was promised a trip to NYC when I graduated college in December 2007, but money and other obstacles prevented the trip from happening until now. I'll be spending most of the weekend in upper Manhattan, and I am open to suggestions and recommendations.

Meanwhile, the first weekend in August my improv partner and I are heading back to Baltimore. After appearing in the Charm City Comedy Festival, the regionally renown Flower Shop Bangers are performing in the Baltimore Improv Fest. I guess Dan and I made a positive impression in their east coast debut two months ago.

Is there more travel on the horizon? Yes, but its tentative. At some point I'll drive to Indianapolis between now and late August to catch a minor league game. I also might take day trips to Beloit, WI and South Bend, IN for similar reasons. I'm flexible, as long as I can afford it and my car is in decent shape.

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A Casual Guide to the 2018 Illinois Governor's Primary

I've been so caught up in the Washington garbage fire that I've barely had a chance to discuss the Illinois gubernatorial primary. (We're still seven weeks away, but still.) Incumbent Gov. Bruce Rauner is no sure shot for reelection --the epic budget windfall will be his legacy, win or lose-- but the field is as uninspiring as its ever been. After alienating religious conservatives with his pragmatic stance on abortion, Rauner holds a narrow lead on his onetime ally, State Rep. Jeanne Ives. A self-made multi-millionaire, Rauner used his own money in 2014 and is doing so again; Ives, however has more endorsements and the state GOP's war chest. A recent debate where Rauner looked under-prepared and outmatched has further complicated things.


People have likely wised up to the idea of any candidate running the country like a business. *cough*  The Democratic gubernatorial race looks like it will be bought, not unlike Rauner four years ago. Philanthropist J.B. Pritzker has been running ads on TV since the summer, has spent more money than all his other opponents combined, and barring a scandal or fiasco will run away with the nomination come March 20th. Connections to Blago aside, the race has been a cakewalk; for lack of a better term, Chris Kennedy (son of RFK) and State Sen. Daniel Biss are splitting the anti-Pritzker vote, and Tio Hardiman (who also ran in 2014) has been a non-entity.

In short, this race is running against trends in other parts of the country. There are a greater number of female candidates for public office overall, but with the exception of Ives the women in this race are relegated to running mate status. I find none of the candidates all that inspiring, but in my home state everything could go bust in a second.

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The Dance of Despair

Ten years ago this week, I went to a strip club for the first and only time.

I went because my Uncle Jim insisted. He was a bachelor in his early 50s, in a long-term relationship with a sweet albeit docile woman. Jim started asking me around my 21st birthday, and asked a few more times over the next two years before I finally agreed. One Saturday night in July, Jim picked me up in his rusted out 1988 Firebird, we had dinner at my grandmother's house, and then we drove off to a gentlemen's club near Romeoville. In the parking lot, we were joined by a church friend of Jim's, another lifelong bachelor with a gross attitude about women.

As I sat down in the front row of the club, I noticed that one of the dancers kept giving me a weird look. She was a tall, leggy brunette with lilac-colored lingerie, awkwardly attempting to wiggle around the floor in two-inch heels with all the other dancers. Most of these women were eager to connect with any and all customers, but this particular dancer had already written me off, and I wasn't sure why. My uncle's friend noticed that she was glaring at us, too.

I figured that the best thing to do was not think about it. I had a couple of beers, and Jim paid for my one lapdance of the evening. Her stage name was Tiffani, and before she unclasped her bra she gave me a disclaimer in a squeaky, inarticulate monotone: no touching, no licking, and above all no attempting to remove the pasties. I sat uncomfortably still in the Barcalounger for five minutes as this woman gyrated half-heartedly around my head and torso. After the lapdance, I walked back downstairs, then sat around for another hour or so before Jim and I left.

As Uncle Jim drove me back to my house, he kept egging me about whether or not I had a good time; his attempt at male bonding was well-intended, but I found the whole experience to be uncomfortable. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I just nodded and said "okay" as he tried to lead the witness. Jim made it clear that he wanted to go back with me towing along, but I was non-committal. Alas, there wouldn't be a next time; our schedules kept clashing, and Jim died of pancreatic cancer less than 18 months later. I have felt little to no desire to go back to the club on my own volition.

A week or so after my strip club experience, I realized why that tall brunette kept staring at me: she was a high school classmate. All I remember is that her first name started with a "B," we had a political science class together at North, and she graduated the year before me. Out of embarrassment as well as her privacy, I have made no effort to reach out to her or find out her current whereabouts. On that one Saturday night in July 2007, we were both a little mortified.

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The New Springfield Stalemate

Is Bruce Rauner a failure?

This loaded question was raised by an op-ed the Chicago Tribune, who suggested that the current Governor of Illinois was ineffectual beyond redemption, a mere 15 months into his first term. Succeeding the doddering Pat Quinn was one thing; to make Illinois forget their two immediate predecessors, George Ryan and Rod Blagojevich, is another. And yet, Rauner's strategy of running the state into the ground in order to build it from the ground up might be too daring a strategy to work.

Let's start with Rauner's alleged "turnaround agenda." In order to bring business back to Illinois, it seems that he wants to make companies that are already in-state even richer, while also filling the coffers of the super wealthy. Unfortunately, in order to justify this late-arriving attempt at trickle-down economics, Rauner has blocked any reasonable state budget, holding hostage contractors and state universities that rely on public money. Rauner conjures images of people (and businesses) bolting Illinois for greener pastures, but statistics say that's utterly false. It would be easy to blame the dictatorial State Speaker Michael Madigan, but in this case the fiscal crisis is not the fault of a calculating career politician.

In an election year where a shrewd, eccentric businessman is turning the GOP upside down, a multi-millionaire in Illinois is proving you can't run government like a business. Bruce Rauner could be a case example of putting hubris over responsibility, but the Republicans (and the country) are distracted by a primary race gone haywire. The word "failure" may linger over Rauner's head, but the window of opportunity to prove his brinkmanship right is shutting fast.

Some Final Thoughts on the 2014 Midterm Elections

With less than three weeks until Election Day, two conclusions are taking hold. First, early estimates of low turnout suggest that voter apathy is alive and well. Secondly, the polarized state of American politics, especially as President Obama enters his last two years in office, is more shrill and viable than ever. As with any election, the well-financed men and women that are jockeying for position are a melange of dolts and schemers, liars and dreamers. Even the most idealistic candidate can be worn down by the meat grinder of our legislative branch.

If you're an Illinoisan, you have plenty to be exasperated about. In fact, for as long as I've been a registered voter I don't think our state has had a major party candidate for governor that was worth voting for. The license-for-bribes scandal that ended George Ryan's political career gave way to six ignoble years of Rod Blagojevich, which begat six years of incumbent Pat Quinn. Of this sorry bunch Quinn was probably the least embarrassing. Accusations of corruption have been unfounded --right-wing conspiracy theorists have tried to connect Blago to his reluctant second in command and vice versa, with limited success-- but Quinn's doddering, in-over-his-head performance as governor should offer limited hope for a second full term. The Republican's answer, multimillionaire Bruce Rauner, would have a commanding lead over Quinn if not for several character flaws: he's been perceived as alternately out-of-touch, bullying, and coasting. Rauner is a pro-choice, pragmatic Republican in a state where moderate "collar county" conservatives have more sway than any other right-wing faction. (I thank my lucky stars that the Tea Party has never found a foothold in Illinois, Joe Walsh notwithstanding.) Just being "the other guy" is not enough, so it seems.

Where the governor's race is saturated with schadenfreude, the Illinois U.S. Senate race almost plays like satire. The incumbent is the prominent (read: powerful) Democrat Dick Durbin, and his challenger is ice cream magnate and perennial candidate Jim Oberweis. It's essentially a battle between a candidate who's out of touch with voters versus a candidate who's out of touch with reality. Nevertheless, Durbin is the #2 Democrat in the higher chamber, and CPACs will keep pumping money into the Oberweis campaign to oust a Washington top dog, no matter how lousy or delusional a candidate like Oberweis might be.

The problems that face my home state will not be fixed overnight. The Land of Lincoln has made social progress in recent years (yay, marriage equality!) but seems stagnant in every other aspect. In a way, Illinois is a microcosm of what ails the United States as a whole: partisan bickering, extreme ideologies, shortsighted ideas. What happens in the last two years of Obama's administration likely won't change much; the GOP is expected to reinforce their control of Congress, and though they will gain seats in the U.S. Senate they won't seize the majority. Basically, another two years of gridlock.
In summation, I'm writing this year's election rundown slightly earlier than usual to implore anyone reading this to register to vote and express your voice on November 4th.  A voter turnout of 3.5% percent means 96.5% of the population will lose their right to complain about the next two years. If you have a problem with what's going on this country, then put pen to hand and speak your mind.

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A Non-Illinoisan's Guide to the 2014 Illinois Primary (Written by an Illinoisan)

This Tuesday is the Illinois primary, that biennial exercise of democracy --er, vote-- that reminds us of the sorry state of gubernatorial politics in the Land of Lincoln. Here's a quick breakdown:

Governor: To the disappointment of some state Democrats, Pat Quinn should cruise through his party's nomination --his fourth straight on the gubernatorial ticket-- aspiring for a second full term as Illinois' top official. What was expected to be a wide-open race for this vulnerable incumbent was all but settled by last September. Attorney General Lisa Madigan was forced to bow out because of a potential scandal involving her father, State Speaker of the House Michael Madigan. Former White House Chief of Staff Bill Daley (son of Richard J, brother of Richard M) made a halfhearted sprint before quitting for personal reasons. Anti-violence activist Tio Hardiman, Quinn's sole remaining competitor, was never a factor in the race.

The GOP race is not as crowded as 2010's logjam --seven candidates in the running, with Bill Brady winning by less than 200 votes-- but there's a few familiar faces. The brash, polarizing Brady is running a second time against Bruce Rauner (a millionaire political novice), Kirk Dillard (a state senator and perennial bridesmaid), and state treasurer Dan Rutherford. Also unlike 2010, where a cluster of candidates from the same geographical area cancelled each other out, the four GOP hopefuls represent disparate parts of the state: Rauner is a Chicago native, Brady from Bloomington-Normal, Dillard from the west suburbs of Chicago, and Rutherford from small-town Pontiac. Recent polls suggest that Rauner will edge out Dillard to face the doddering Quinn.

U.S. Senate: Three-term incumbent and DC power-broker Dick Durbin is not facing any serious competition for the Democratic nomination. For the first time, however reelection is no sure thing; growing dissatisfaction by moderates and centrists toward the Obama administration will result in a tight race, regardless of who wins the GOP nomination.

On the Republican side, dairy magnate Jim Oberweis is by far the most recognizable name on the ballot. Also known as a politically active investment manager, Oberweis had lost five state elections at various levels before finally winning a Illinois Senate seat in 2012. Polls suggest that the fractured Illinois GOP will likely tilt toward Oberweis, as rival Doug Truax is in third place behind "undecided." In spite of endorsements from former Rep. Newt Gingrich and the Chicago Tribune, Truax's first run for public office will likely falter to Oberweis' deep coffers.

Congress: All 18 of Illinois' seats in the House of Representatives are on the ballot (duh) and though there are a few close races here and there, the state in general is likely to keep leaning Democrat. In the 13th District, GOP incumbent Rodney Davis is facing little opposition from challenger Erika Harold, though he might face a close race against Democratic frontrunner Ann Callis. The recently rearranged 17th District pits incumbent Democrat Cheri Bustos against her predecessor and 2012 opponent, Republican Bobby Schilling. Even if the House as a whole keeps leaning toward the right, the Land of Lincoln will help buffer a potential GOP blowout.

In spite of my cynical words, I encourage anyone reading this to please vote in your local primary this year, and most crucially in the midterm election this November. Even when the White House isn't at stake, there's a lot of issues on the docket and the future of American democracy is constantly shifting. Don't wait until the next presidential election to make your voice heard.

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Illinois' Rainbow Connection

For once, I feel proud to be an Illinoisan.

When I heard that the state house would vote to legalize gay marriage again, I was anxious. Unlike other states, the bill had support and opposition within both parties.  When they first voted earlier this year, a coalition of Democrats and moderate "collar county" Republicans were narrowly defeated by both Christian conservatives and African-American Democrats (also on religious grounds). This time around, a handful of black representatives were persuaded to change their minds, and same-sex marriage was legalized by the same narrow margin. Governor Pat Quinn, a career Democrat who has waffled on the sanctity of marriage in the past, agreed to sign the bill when it lands on his desk. Effective next Spring, the Land of Lincoln will be the 15th state to pass such a law. Today in Illinois, logic and freedom trumped bigotry.

Besides the obvious, I'm feeling a new sense of state pride because for once, Springfield actually passed some legislation. Our state government can't approve a budget, but we passed this. Most other issues are just as divided along party lines as anything else in the country. With the GOP assuming control of the state senate last year --the Illinois Republicans' first semblance of moving forward since George Ryan left the governor's office nearly 11 years ago-- nothing is in lockstep. Ineffectual legislating and infighting among state Democrats resulted in losing seats in both houses last November, and Quinn is no sure shot to be reelected next November.

Since assuming the governor's seat after Rod Blagojevich's impeachment, Pat Quinn has been a stable but underwhelming leader.  On multiple occasions I've accused Quinn of being indecisive and doddering, as if Illinois was a dysfunctional family and Quinn is the hapless old uncle who has final say on everything. Despite the infighting, Quinn is the state Democrats' only hope in 2014; early contention from Attorney General Lisa Madigan (daughter of State Speaker/svengali Mike) and former Commerce Secretary Bill Daley (son and brother of former Chicago mayors) both flamed out early. Where Madigan was undone by her father's myriad controversies, Daley didn't feel equipped to run for office.

It's a shame of sorts, because there's a group of seven or eight Republican challengers ready to rip Quinn to shreds next year; whether this turns into Obama vs. Romney in miniature remains to be seen. The state of Illinois has taken a more liberal turn in recent years, something that Quinn can only take half credit for; after legalizing medicinal marijuana and allowing non-U.S. citizens to get driver's licenses, gay marriage was the next logical step. At the same time, Quinn's indecisiveness and unsteady hand of leadership are his undoing, and he is understandably vulnerable to lose his job one year from now. Quinn's best hope is that the wide stable of GOP candidates nearly cancel each other out, just like they did in 2010.

Drama aside, it's a great day to be an Illinoisan.

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Weekly Update #400

Here we are, number 400. My baseball preview is still a work in progress, but because I refuse to let down my regular readers, enjoy these random notes:

+ I'm not sure what to make of Pope Francis. On one hand, being the first South American pope (Italian heritage be damned) in an indicator that the Catholic church is budging itself into the 21st century. He was not considered a favorite for the papacy by the media, either. On the other hand, his political beliefs indicate he's just as reactionary as Pope Benedict XVI, if not more. What's most puzzling is that the former Cardinal Bergoglio seems to have a wildly varying stance on social issues, especially gay rights and same-sex marriage. Francis was quoted in a 2008 interview as saying "gays are the devil's spawn," but there's now evidence that suggests he's wavered on that opinion. (As far as other issues go, I doubt he's pro-choice or a tree-hugger.) Benedict XVI was a hardliner from the get-go, but Francis seems a tad more ambiguous.

+ Over in Illinois, the wheels are already turning on what might be a wide-open race for governor in 2014. Incumbent Pat Quinn has proven too ineffectual and doddering, especially with the state budget crisis, and he is no sure shot for the Democratic nomination. With Rod Blagojevich finally out of the picture, the future of Illinois really is now. The question now is, will the next leader of the state represent a Democratic Party whose leadership that teeter-totters between tolerable and reckless, or a Republican Party that has been splintered and unfocused since the George Ryan era?

+ Finally, as some of you may have noticed, my blog-writing has been a tad erratic of late. I promise weekly updates, but I've been posting about three times a month. Admittedly, these last few months have been very hectic; since October I've been juggling a 35 hour-per-week temp job, improv classes and the accompanying lengthy commute, and three family members with health issues. I don't want to make it sound like an excuse, but it has been time-consuming; I've been averaging six hours of sleep per night for the last six months, and whatever time I spend online is to check e-mail and test material. Things will get back to normal soon enough.

Next week will be the 30 teams, 30 haiku, I swear. Thank you for your patience.

When Brady Got Bunched

This should probably be my last straight political blog for awhile:

In a highly-contested race pitting two candidates nobody liked against each other, Illinois Governor Pat Quinn was elected to a full term on Thursday. The announcement couldn't make me feel any more lethargic. Some of you will recall that I had a glimmer of hope for Pat Quinn when he was first sworn in two years ago; with one former governor in the pokey and another awaiting trial at the time, Quinn symbolized a clean break. If Rod Blagojevich was our Nixon, than Quinn was our Gerald Ford. Sadly, that comparison turned out to be somewhat ironic during Quinn's two years in office thus far. A man who built his reputation as a pro-union, anti-corruption rabble-rouser, Quinn has been a doddering and indecisive leader. He's still not corrupt, thank goodness, but he has a tendency to declare platforms without ever acting upon them. Quinn spent his younger days irking and hectoring the establishment, and now that he is the establishment, he doesn't know what to do with himself. What Illinois needs is a Superman, a savior, a mensch. What we have now is somebody's meshuggah old uncle.

As much as I disliked Bill Brady, I will give him credit for one thing: he broke the "collar county" chokehold. A Bloomington native, Brady had no connection to the strong moderate-GOP base within the Chicago suburbs. Since the Chicagoland area is far and away the most densely populated part of the state, and the collar counties house nearly half of Illinois' registered Republicans, the majority of their candidates have been natives of the suburbs or had strong political ties there. Jim Ryan and Judy Baar Topinka, the two cherry-picked candidates that lost to Rod Blagojevich, hail from Elmhurst and Riverside respectively. This year, when the suburbanites couldn't agree upon Kirk Dillard or Andy McKenna in the state primary, the two candidates cancelled each other out and Brady squeaked by with a mere 193-vote lead. This is not necessarily the fault of the candidates, but it's evident that the Illinois GOP as a whole is still struggling to get on the same page; the wedge that divided the collar county Republicans with the rest of the state during George Ryan's scandal-plagued term as governor has not been bridged yet. Brady dutifully served the interests of central and southern Illinois --or at least tried to-- but for northern and Chicagoan Republicans, he was their only legitimate option against Quinn.

When I discuss current events on this blog, I usually come off sounding cynical and exasperated. However, I'd like to think that Illinois' darkest days are behind us. From the bottom of my heart, I hope in spite of his narrow victory that Pat Quinn gets his act together. He's taken his licks from the demanding Chicago media and rightfully so. When two major newspapers that endorsed Barack Obama two years ago give the thumbs-up to your Republican opponent in a heated race, you might want to tweak your game plan. Stop putting your words before your actions, stop whining about potential tax increases, and above all work for your constituents. Even if Quinn sounds like somebody you wouldn't like, the Land of Lincoln could do a lot worse... and trust us, we have.

On a semi-related note, I want to apologize for my "teabagger" remark from last week's blog. Even though I had used the phrase in past entries --with tongue firmly planted in cheek-- certain people took offense to what some might perceive as a crude slang term. My facecious attempt at wordplay completely contradicted and negated a moment of serious political discourse, and I will be more cautious in the future.

Land of Stinkin': The State of My State

Normally I'm not this unctuous, but I think I'm overdue for a political rant:

Even though it was a month ago, I'm still irked by the Blagojevich verdict. The only that could've been worse than this was if he was completely acquitted. It's one thing to have a serious mistrust in the powers that be here in Illinois, but now I'm especially discouraged by the people that vote for them as well (or sit on their juries, anyway). The one holdout juror claimed that she "voted from her heart" and wasn't convinced that Blago was entirely guilty of most of the charges --even though the other jurors thought this was an open and shut case-- which either says she's an incredibly patient women or just gullible to the ex-governor's charms. Regardless, because of this woman the jury spent two weeks in gridlock, and the state of Illinois is facing an expensive retrial that is A) wholly unnecessary and B) even less likely to bring Blagojevich to justice.

While Blago's retrial looms, our previous corrupt governor is making another attempt at early release. For the unitiated, George Ryan was Blago's immediate predecessor; he was probably just as corrupt but not even remotely as charismatic or media-friendly. Where the metropolitian Blago mugged for the cameras, Ryan was ornery, homespun, humorless, and as transparent as pea soup. Ryan is currently serving out a 6 1/2 year sentence in Indiana for selling driver's licenses to unqualified truck drivers in exchange for "contributions" during his stint as Secretary of State. Past attempts to delay jail time or shorten his sentence in the U.S. Court of Appeals have failed, citing "overwhelming guilt." His complex and far-reaching license-for-bribes scheme tattered and gutted the Illinois GOP to a degree that some still wonder if the party will ever recover. A third ex-governor of ours, James Thompson, has led a pro bono legal crusade to get his friend and onetime second-in-command paroled, which may lead to another date with Court of Appeals. Thompson has gone so far as to dangle Ryan's sickly wife around in a feeble stab at garnering sympathy for a feckless political insider. Suffice to say, I have been less sympathy for Ryan than I do Blagojevich, and anything short of finishing his full sentence would be a slap in the face to the state that he conned and betrayed.

On a semi-related note, Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley dropped a bombshell last week when he announced that he would not run for a seventh term. This is a tragedy of sorts, as there was so much of the city that he never got around to selling. (But seriously...) Daley claimed that he'd been mulling retirement after 22 years in office, though one would argue that his plummeting approval rating --38% as of last week-- made it clear that his time had come and gone. In the eyes of his critics, Hizzoner Jr's downfall was the 2016 Olympics debacle, a big money flush for a city and state that obviously can't afford risky and/or frivolous expendatures. I won't deny that he's done some good for the city these past two decades, though he seldom stepped out of his father's long shadow.

Is the Land of Lincoln in a state of flux? Oh God, yes. The next year will be (more likely than not) an all-around changing of the guard within the most powerful houses in Illinois politics. That's not to say, however, that these new options bear much promise. In the governor's race, we have our doddering, indecisive Lt. Governor running against a dog-killing white trash millionaire, a wife-beating pawn shop owner, and a far left-leaning civil rights attorney that wants to raise taxes and legalize marijuana. That's not a roster of candidates so much as its a list of characters on a bad sitcom. If you go on Wikipedia, all four of their entries have mostly negative or unsavory character traits. To sum up: Election Day in Illinois will be like going to the candy store and discovering all they sell is Zagnuts, Nut Milks, Smarties, and Whoppers. The Chicago mayor's office is officially up for grabs, though U.S. Rep. Danny Davis has expressed interest in running and seems to be a local favorite (sorry, Rahm). There's a taste for change in Illinois, but the only aroma we smell is gas.

It's (Still) In The Cards

As a sports card collector, I'm feeling some trepidation about the coming year. Last week, Topps began their first year since 1980 as the sole manufacturer of MLB-liscensed baseball cards. It won't be a flashy start to the year, it's merely Series 1 of their base brand release, though it's the first harbinger of all the sweeping changes that rocked the card industry last year. For those of you who don't follow trading cards anymore, here's a short recap:

In March, the Panini sticker company was granted an exclusive licensing deal by the NBA, and shortly afterward they bought out Donruss so they wouldn't have to start their trading card operations from scratch. In August, the MLBPA announced that because of the shrinking market only one company would produce baseball cards for the 2010 season; after a contested battle, Topps got the nod over Upper Deck. Three months later, the tables were turned when the NFL denied Topps' offer to produce football cards in 2010, leaving UD and the newly christened Panini America as the sole manufacturers in that category. Later this year, the NHLPA's exclusive deal with Upper Deck will expire, leading many to suggest that Topps might re-enter the hockey fold after a six-year hiatus.

While all this tightened licensing will result in fewer options on the market, I won't have as many headaches keeping track of the myriad number of brands that come out every year. Nevertheless, the jilted parties are improvising; Upper Deck may no longer have full MLB licensing, yet they're still releasing a handful of baseball products this year, albeit with no mention of team names (i.e. "Matt Kemp - Los Angeles (NL)") and obstructed logos in lieu of chintzy airbrushing (see above). In reality though, it's hard to tell who the real winners and losers are; every major company has whittled their product line down to one or two sports (to stay afloat, Topps also makes UFC trading cards). I wouldn't call it the death of a hobby, though I can't imagine anyone is benefitting from all this consolidation, either.

Other notes:

+ Very few things can make me shout "What the hell?!?!" in a public setting. This would be one of them. Luckily, I was in a crowded bar at the time, so my rare outburst barely even registered.

+ Was it a mistake to not mention the Lt. Governor's race in my Illinois Primary blog last week? I didn't vote for Scott Lee Cohen, yet I still feel blindsided by these shocking allegations. His press conference Sunday night was held in a pizzeria, evidently symbolic of the level of class and grace he showed while he tried to salvage his campaign. Good luck to the Illinois Democratic Party as they find a running mate for Governor Quinn that doesn't wear their checkered past on their sleeve.

+ Just a friendly reminder that pitchers and catchers report in one week.

My Unofficial Guide to the 2010 Illinois Primary

February 2nd is election day in Illinois, as the Land of Lincoln determines their candidates for governor, U.S. Senate, and House of Representatives, not to mention various state offices. This is not something I've been following as much as it's been thrown in my face; if you turn on nearly any local TV or radio station in Chicago, you're only a few minutes away from watching an attack ad. The candidates mentioned below have volunteered themselves to lead and represent one of the most debt-burdoned states in the nation, and each of these races have some type of national implications. For all you non-Illinoisans, let me break down this whole mess:

U.S. Senate: The seat that Barack Obama abdicated 15 months ago is up for grabs again, and sorry folks, it's no longer up for sale. The current holder of that seat, Roland Burris, did not have the money or the public support to attempt running a full term, leaving the junior senator's seat wide open come 2011. The Democratic frontrunner is state treasurer Alexi Giannoulias, a 33-year-old bachelor from Chicago. A lawyer that majored in ecomonics at Boston University, Giannoulias has been deemed an Obama carbon copy by some because of his youth, unusual last name, and yen for basketball (he played one year of pro ball in Europe in the late '90s). A hardliner on immigration, Giannoulias' status as a moderate has been hindered somewhat by being pro-choice and a supporter of same-sex marriage. He also endorses an overhaul of NAFTA and No Child Left Behind. As it stands Giannoulias has a pretty good lead in the polls, as most of his competition, including Chicago Urban League CEO/ex-Blagojevich crony Cheryle Jackson, have proven too far-left or too polarizing to gain any momentum with moderates and centrists.

Over in the GOP, Rep. Mark Kirk has a commanding lead in the latest Chicago Tribune poll, though undecideds will be a huge swing factor. Kirk has by far the most experience in Washington; he was an aide to Rep. John Porter in the mid-80s and served two years in the Bush 41 administration before being elected to five terms in the House of Representatives. Kirk's nearest competitor is Andy Martin, a conservative news pundit who has spent more time making unfounded attacks on the frontrunner than establishing his own platform. Martin has accused his opponent of being a military poseur (Kirk is a commander in the U.S. Navy Reserve) and in an infamous campaign ad, Martin implied that Kirk "pals around with gays and pedophiles." Where Kirk supports the Marriage Amendment, minor adjustments to No Child Left Behind, and more border security, Martin has no official stance on any of those issues and just keeps attacking and mudslinging.

Governor: This whole race is a logjam, as neither party has a clear favorite. Pat Quinn, the incumbent who replaced Rod Blagojevich 12 months ago, is a longtime political outsider who is clearly still adjusting to running as a mainline Democrat. Though Quinn had a sizeable lead in the polls five weeks ago, his primary opponent Dan Hynes has picked up steam after being endorsed by nearly major newspaper in the state. Both candidates seem to have the same stance on wide variety of issues, though they draw the line at gun control (Hynes is a FOID card-holder, Quinn has railed against concealed-carry handguns) and the death penalty (Hynes supports it, Quinn doesn't). Where Hynes has been on the offense, citing Quinn's reputation as a rabblerouser, the governor has largely played defense, emphasizing his platform and not stuping down to any character assassination. I can't tell which strategy is going to work, though.

If the Democrat Governor race is tight, the GOP contest is practically a free-for-all. Of the six remaining candidates --DuPage County board chairman Bob Schillerstrom dropped out of the race on January 22nd-- the three top frontrunners are within five percentage points of each other in the latest polls and none of them have 20% of their party's support. On Tuesday, this campaign will most likely come down to: Andy McKenna, the former chairman of the Illinois Republicans; State Senator Kirk Dillard; and former attorney general Jim Ryan, the man who lost to Blagojevich in the 2002 governor's race. Three weeks ago, McKenna nabbed the endorsement of the Chicago Tribune, citing his straightforward demeanor and his reputation as an idea man. Nevertheless, the Illinois GOP is still lacking focus following the George Ryan mess from nearly ten years ago. Even though they selected Ryan (no relation) as their candidate in '02 and Judy Baar Topinka in '06, neither candidate never really enamored the majority of the party.

Congress: This is arguably the most predictable arena, as Illinois is topheavy with incumbents running for reelection. My congresswoman, Rep. Judy Biggert, has represented the 13th district since 1999 and doesn't seem to be facing any serious competition from Democrats or from within the GOP. Her seat on the Congressional Committee on Education and Labor is more or less safe. Bobby Rush and Dan Lipinski, both Democrats, and Republican Pete Roskam will also likely coast to another two-year term.

Cook County Board President: I'm throwing this last one in for my own amusement, though I shouldn't downplay the fact that Cook is the most populous (and therefore, weightiest) county in the state. You may recall that a few months ago, I wrote a fairly scathing editorial about Todd Stroger, the sitting president of the board. His 4 1/2 years in charge have been marred by scandal, and he failed to live up to any of his campaign promises from 2006. If anyone in Cook County has any common sense this man will not nab the Democratic nomination, yet it still appears that he still has a sliver of a chance. I'll gladly take any of the three challengers over "The Toddler."

I don't know if Illinois is still the most corrupt state in the country, though politically it's certainly the most dysfunctional. In making their endorsements, the Tribune has called for "The Revolution of 2010," a call to arms for voters that are fed up with the greasy palms, cronyism and reckless spending that has swallowed my home state whole. This is not a Democratic or Republican issue, but a full-on assault aimed towards the career politicians in Illinois that seem to be more concerned with lining their pockets than serving their state's needs. Rep. Phil Crane, George Ryan, and Blagojevich are ancient history, with Stroger and Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley likely to follow. I'll admit that none of these candidates are perfect, but this state needs an infusion of fresh blood, and fast.