Thursday, September 5, 2019

32 Teams, 32 Haiku: My 2019 NFL Preview


If you recall from last year, my 2018 preview nailed it. Don't underestimate the brevity of my pigskin forecast. Regardless, its a new season and a clean slate, and I'm breaking it down 17 soma at a time.

NFC NORTH
1. Bears (11-5). A slight regression/expected; young, dangerous/D will still stifle.
2. Packers (9-7). More Rodgers drama?/Darnell Savage can't be kind/on so-so defense.
3. Vikings (7-9). Underachievers/abound; stud receivers are/stymied by Cousins.
4. Lions (6-10). "Patty Ball," year two/secondary improvements/and same old Stafford.
NFC EAST
1. Cowboys (11-5). Dak, Zeke, Gallup, and/Coop hit their stride; playoff wins/are still elusive. 
2. Eagles* (10-6). A full year of Wentz/is crucial; just enough depth/on O to contend.
3. Redskins (6-10). It won't be Keenum/for long; solid D is not/enough in DC.
4. Giants (5-11). Eli mentors Jones/Big Blue now looks very green/a struggle to score.
NFC SOUTH
1. Saints (12-4). New faces: "Who Dat?"/one more great year from Brees might/be enough to reign.
2. Falcons (8-8). These birds are stable/don't fix what isn't broken/Ryan's pass game thrives.
3. Panthers (8-8). Pass-rush improvement/needed; the offense is too/dependant on Cam.
4. Buccaneers (3-13). Not boring to watch/patience for Jameis wears thin/young, raw team struggles.
NFC WEST
1. Rams (12-4). A tough sked, spread out/"go Gurley go, Gurley go"/no doubt on rush game.
2. Seahawks* (10-6). No Clowney around/this front seven is unreal/Jarran? Badly missed.
3. 49ers (7-9). Jimmy G's fine but/MacKinnon can't stay healthy/improved on paper.
4. Cardinals (4-12). Once a baseball stud/Kyler must learn that pro snaps/aren't easy fly outs.

AFC NORTH
1. Browns (10-6). Relevance? What's that?/Even if these Dawgs fall short/they'll be fun to watch.
2. Ravens* (9-7). A defense in flux/no rush to admit Lamar/Jackson is for real.
3. Steelers (8-8). A strong running game/offsets Big Ben's age; could be/a playoff sleeper.
4. Bengals (5-11). Dalton, red bullseye/no one to protect him as/rebuilding looms near.
AFC EAST
1. Patriots (13-3). TB12, ageless/the dominance continues/in cupcake division.
2. Bills (7-9). A discrepancy/a wobbly O, stifling D/low-scoring mayhem!
3. Jets (6-10). Le'veon was an/upgrade, but I'm not convinced/Darnold is legit.
4. Dolphins (4-12). After fire sale/Fins' QB controversy/only thing to watch.
AFC SOUTH
1. Texans (10-6). Best of a weak bunch/healthy receivers will make/Deshaun look supreme.
2. Colts (8-8). These Luckless fellows/loaded offense carried by/...Jacoby Brissett?
3. Jaguars (7-9). Will Foles pony up?/A healthy O-line would help/nix '18 hiccup.
4. Titans (6-10). Make or break, Marcus!/New coach, more physical play/and modest results.
AFC WEST
1. Chiefs (13-3). A bolstered defense/Pat, beat Brady and we'll talk/but you came close twice.
2. Chargers* (10-6). Philip Rivers is/underappreciated/can't say it enough.
3. Broncos (7-9). Delaware Joe is/an upgrade ...kinda; the D/will force turnovers.
4. Raiders (5-11). AB's helmet woes/distract; I doubt Oakland will/miss this dumb drama.

NFL MVP: Drew Brees, Saints
Offensive ROY: David Montgomery, Bears
Defensive ROY: Josh Allen, Jaguars
First Head Coach Fired: Jay Gruden, Redskins
Super Bowl LIV: Saints 24, Patriots 17

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