Every year since 2005, usually just before Thanksgiving, I have posted my annual "thanks/no thanks" list. This particular year has thrown my priorities out of whack (for better or worse) and as such I'm posting this a little later than usual.
This year, a hearty "thanks" to my sister, my aunt, my family friend Barb, my two dogs, and anyone who has offered their support, whether it was tangible or not, during these tumultuous last few months. That, plus comedy and improv.
On that note, I give a firm "no thanks" to our increasingly incompetent and mismanaged government, old friends that don't communicate, dealing with back-to-back inheritances and small estate affidavits, and "adulting" in general.
If 2016 was an anal wart, then 2017 is a hemorrhoid. Let's finish this year on a positive note.
(571)
Saturday, November 25, 2017
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
Complicit in Alabama
In the Fall of 2009, TV actress Mackenzie Phillips published an autobiography titled "High on Arrival." A lot of memoirs written by former child actors follow familiar beats --lack of control, abuse, narcissism, drug and alcohol addiction-- and "Arrival" doesn't deviate too much from that narrative, but it does contain two details that turned heads at the time. Mackenzie's father, the late songwriter "Papa John" Phillips, not only raped Mackenzie in a drugged-out stupor but wanted her to be his wife. Even if Mackenzie admitted they eventually had a consensual affair, the psychological damage she suffered is unfathomable.
As brave as Phillips was to tell her story, there was still a backlash. Many people (myself included, unfortunately) wondered why Phillips waited seven years after Papa John's death to write this book. Others, including Phillips' own stepmom, had doubts that the date-rape ever happened. Mackenzie was also accused of trying to profit on her father's legacy, regardless of how tainted it was. Phillips was abused and gaslighted, and it took her over three decades to find the courage to open up about her father's monstrous behavior. The book was dismissed as salacious gossip-mongering.
I thought about Phillips' ordeal as I've read up on the Judge Roy Moore scandal. As of this writing, five women (now all in their 50s and 60s) have accused Moore of making unwarranted sexual advances when they were teenagers. One victim was as young as 14, and it was recently revealed that Moore first noticed his wife when she was 15 (and he was 30). In any other part of the country, Moore's campaign would be practically over. In crimson-red Alabama, however competitor Doug Jones holds a very narrow lead in the polls, largely because the locals simply refuse to "vote liberal."
We could debate the questionable moral compass of Alabama Republicans, and putting political agenda over human decency, but that's a discussion for another time. What bothers me is how we're questioning the timing of the accusations. Given how many celebrities have been taken off their pedestal in recent weeks, it would be easy for a critic to assume that outing a public figure as a sexual deviant is "trendy" right now. If anything, this is part of a far greater inclination, of shifting socio-cultural norms in which sexual harassment and similarly inappropriate behavior is taken seriously. A woman that was humiliated decades ago has every right to be reluctant to tell their story, and we must both laud their bravery and respect their privacy.
Mackenzie Phillips, quintessential narcissistic ex-child actor, was demonized and shamed eight years ago. Her confessional on "Oprah" (see clip in link) was dismissed as pandering for a book junket. Society as a whole is a little more enlightened now. If "High on Arrival" was released now, she could be at the forefront of meaningful systemic change.
(570)
As brave as Phillips was to tell her story, there was still a backlash. Many people (myself included, unfortunately) wondered why Phillips waited seven years after Papa John's death to write this book. Others, including Phillips' own stepmom, had doubts that the date-rape ever happened. Mackenzie was also accused of trying to profit on her father's legacy, regardless of how tainted it was. Phillips was abused and gaslighted, and it took her over three decades to find the courage to open up about her father's monstrous behavior. The book was dismissed as salacious gossip-mongering.
I thought about Phillips' ordeal as I've read up on the Judge Roy Moore scandal. As of this writing, five women (now all in their 50s and 60s) have accused Moore of making unwarranted sexual advances when they were teenagers. One victim was as young as 14, and it was recently revealed that Moore first noticed his wife when she was 15 (and he was 30). In any other part of the country, Moore's campaign would be practically over. In crimson-red Alabama, however competitor Doug Jones holds a very narrow lead in the polls, largely because the locals simply refuse to "vote liberal."
We could debate the questionable moral compass of Alabama Republicans, and putting political agenda over human decency, but that's a discussion for another time. What bothers me is how we're questioning the timing of the accusations. Given how many celebrities have been taken off their pedestal in recent weeks, it would be easy for a critic to assume that outing a public figure as a sexual deviant is "trendy" right now. If anything, this is part of a far greater inclination, of shifting socio-cultural norms in which sexual harassment and similarly inappropriate behavior is taken seriously. A woman that was humiliated decades ago has every right to be reluctant to tell their story, and we must both laud their bravery and respect their privacy.
Mackenzie Phillips, quintessential narcissistic ex-child actor, was demonized and shamed eight years ago. Her confessional on "Oprah" (see clip in link) was dismissed as pandering for a book junket. Society as a whole is a little more enlightened now. If "High on Arrival" was released now, she could be at the forefront of meaningful systemic change.
(570)
Friday, November 10, 2017
I Still Resolve...
I don't put much energy into promoting this blog, and for good reason. I market myself as a comedy writer that performs improv, and this blog is an outlet for more serious matters, an opportunity to let my guard down. In the 12 1/2 years since I started this blog, I have likely seen a complete turnover in audience. I launched this blog on TV.com, and I'm sure a scant handful of people who read my missives then still read it now on Blogspot. (Its also more accessible to non-TV.com people.)
You might think from the tone of the previous paragraph that I'm quitting this blog, but I'm not (yet). 2017 has been a rough year on a personal level, one of mourning and reevaluating, one where goals have been easier said than accomplished. My clutter, both physical and intangible, is mostly still there. My mother, father, and grandmother's belongings, however are gradually getting sifted out.
I suppose my resolution now is to end 2017 on a positive note. My long-gestating solo sketch show opened this week, and even if I'm not meeting all my goals I'm still feeling pretty accomplished. Even if I do get distracted from time to time, there simply aren't enough hours in the day. I'm goal-oriented, and I feel rudderless when I'm not pursuing a new challenge.
(569)
You might think from the tone of the previous paragraph that I'm quitting this blog, but I'm not (yet). 2017 has been a rough year on a personal level, one of mourning and reevaluating, one where goals have been easier said than accomplished. My clutter, both physical and intangible, is mostly still there. My mother, father, and grandmother's belongings, however are gradually getting sifted out.
I suppose my resolution now is to end 2017 on a positive note. My long-gestating solo sketch show opened this week, and even if I'm not meeting all my goals I'm still feeling pretty accomplished. Even if I do get distracted from time to time, there simply aren't enough hours in the day. I'm goal-oriented, and I feel rudderless when I'm not pursuing a new challenge.
(569)
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
A Crazy, Awkward Halloween Story
I have reason to believe I'm cursed when it comes to Halloween parties. Allow me to explain:
Three years ago, I went to a private party on the northwest side of Chicago. I arrived near the beginning of the event with a friend named Tracy. Maybe 90 minutes or so, after I arrived I saw a couple walk in; I don't remember what he wore, but she had Minnie Mouse ears. (For the purposes of this story, I'll refer to this woman as "Ellie.") After a few minutes, I worked up the courage to introduce myself and make small talk. She was an acquaintance of the party hosts, as was I. The conversation seemed polite and benign enough, and I went on to mingle with other people at the party. About a half-hour later, I took a dip in a hot tub (again, private party) and shortly after Ellie found a spot in the crowded tub. I don't know if it was the heat or something else, but I remember zoning out in the tub. When I came to, Ellie was gone. I looked around the party room, and it was apparent she and her plus-one left early. I drove Tracy home maybe an hour later.
I sent a friend request on Facebook shortly after I got home, and to be safe I messaged Ellie to let her know who I was. The request was rejected almost immediately; I messaged to apologize if I had offended her, and Ellie replied to say she had a corporate job and wanted to keep business and personal separate. It was an odd answer, but I accepted it and left her alone. I assumed I would never see her again.
Two years later, however I was in a similar situation with the same party hosts. This time, I arrived by myself. An hour later, Ellie walked in with three other women and a taller guy, all in matching costumes. I wasn't sure if it was her or not, so I made small talk with her friends, then I introduced myself again just to be safe. She gave her last name as her first name, and gave me a weird look. After talking for about five minutes, Ellie brought the conversation to a halt, saying something to the effect that she didn't want to talk. Taken aback, I stepped away and avoided her and her group for the duration of the party.
Then, this weekend I changed things up and went to a party hosted by some improv friends, mostly for improvisers. For the first part of the party, I watched game 4 of the World Series in one corner of the living room. After the game ended, I walked over to the refreshments table to get another beer. I saw two or three people dressed as Offred et al. from "The Handmaid's Tale." What caught me was that one of them was a burly, hirsute guy that stood about 6'1". I jokingly asked if he was "Ofdave," "Ofjose," etc. He didn't seem to find the joke amusing, but we more both momentarily distracted as the party raged on and the room grew more crowded.
Maybe an hour later, thinking I was talking to the other guy that dressed up as a handmaid. I made the same lame joke and he glared at me. Then I turned around to see the one woman in the group that wore a matching costume... and it was Ellie. I then realized that the guy recognized me from the second party. I mumbled "sorry," then made a beeline to the other side of the apartment. I was half-aware that Ellie is not a performer, but upon looking at the Facebook event, she had more mutual friends at the event than I did. I was more startled by the fact that I had run into this women unexpectedly on three different occasions, and all during the same holiday.
I think next year for Halloween, I'll stay home.
---
On a completely unrelated note... in some parts of the country, there are actual votes on Election Day. Where New Jersey and New York state have scheduled elections, Alabama will have a special vote for Jeff Sessions' vacated U.S. Senate seat. If you live in those three states, or if you live in another part of the country with an election, make your voice heard on November 7th. If you don't like how things are being done, this is your opportunity to steer things back in the right path.
(568)
Three years ago, I went to a private party on the northwest side of Chicago. I arrived near the beginning of the event with a friend named Tracy. Maybe 90 minutes or so, after I arrived I saw a couple walk in; I don't remember what he wore, but she had Minnie Mouse ears. (For the purposes of this story, I'll refer to this woman as "Ellie.") After a few minutes, I worked up the courage to introduce myself and make small talk. She was an acquaintance of the party hosts, as was I. The conversation seemed polite and benign enough, and I went on to mingle with other people at the party. About a half-hour later, I took a dip in a hot tub (again, private party) and shortly after Ellie found a spot in the crowded tub. I don't know if it was the heat or something else, but I remember zoning out in the tub. When I came to, Ellie was gone. I looked around the party room, and it was apparent she and her plus-one left early. I drove Tracy home maybe an hour later.
I sent a friend request on Facebook shortly after I got home, and to be safe I messaged Ellie to let her know who I was. The request was rejected almost immediately; I messaged to apologize if I had offended her, and Ellie replied to say she had a corporate job and wanted to keep business and personal separate. It was an odd answer, but I accepted it and left her alone. I assumed I would never see her again.
Two years later, however I was in a similar situation with the same party hosts. This time, I arrived by myself. An hour later, Ellie walked in with three other women and a taller guy, all in matching costumes. I wasn't sure if it was her or not, so I made small talk with her friends, then I introduced myself again just to be safe. She gave her last name as her first name, and gave me a weird look. After talking for about five minutes, Ellie brought the conversation to a halt, saying something to the effect that she didn't want to talk. Taken aback, I stepped away and avoided her and her group for the duration of the party.
Then, this weekend I changed things up and went to a party hosted by some improv friends, mostly for improvisers. For the first part of the party, I watched game 4 of the World Series in one corner of the living room. After the game ended, I walked over to the refreshments table to get another beer. I saw two or three people dressed as Offred et al. from "The Handmaid's Tale." What caught me was that one of them was a burly, hirsute guy that stood about 6'1". I jokingly asked if he was "Ofdave," "Ofjose," etc. He didn't seem to find the joke amusing, but we more both momentarily distracted as the party raged on and the room grew more crowded.
Maybe an hour later, thinking I was talking to the other guy that dressed up as a handmaid. I made the same lame joke and he glared at me. Then I turned around to see the one woman in the group that wore a matching costume... and it was Ellie. I then realized that the guy recognized me from the second party. I mumbled "sorry," then made a beeline to the other side of the apartment. I was half-aware that Ellie is not a performer, but upon looking at the Facebook event, she had more mutual friends at the event than I did. I was more startled by the fact that I had run into this women unexpectedly on three different occasions, and all during the same holiday.
I think next year for Halloween, I'll stay home.
---
On a completely unrelated note... in some parts of the country, there are actual votes on Election Day. Where New Jersey and New York state have scheduled elections, Alabama will have a special vote for Jeff Sessions' vacated U.S. Senate seat. If you live in those three states, or if you live in another part of the country with an election, make your voice heard on November 7th. If you don't like how things are being done, this is your opportunity to steer things back in the right path.
(568)
Monday, October 23, 2017
Random Notes, October 2017
My mind is going a mile a minute:
+ God bless Bob Corker. The longtime Republican U.S. senator, who announced he will not seek reelection in 2018, suggested on Twitter that the Trump White House is spiraling out of control. On top of that, Corker basically implied what most had suspected: that President Trump has hijacked the GOP. Without nothing at stake, Corker is breaking rank and cheerfully letting loose, siding with the narrow majority of Americans that think Trump is too incompetent for office.
So what is at stake for the GOP? Is it time to panic? On one hand, they risk alienating an entire generation of potential voters. Entire demographics and voting blocks could vote Democratic by default. On the other, Republican candidates typically benefit from elections with low turnout (like, say, midterm elections). In short, 2018 is still up for grabs.
+ Since late August, I've been a certified Lyft driver. I haven't taken my first ride yet; the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet.
+ I'm proud to announce that after nearly two years of fits and starts, and I am premiering my very first solo sketch show. "Handsome Under Certain Lighting" opens at the One Group Mind Comedy Clubhouse in Wicker Park on Thursday, November 9th. You can find ticket info here.
(567)
+ God bless Bob Corker. The longtime Republican U.S. senator, who announced he will not seek reelection in 2018, suggested on Twitter that the Trump White House is spiraling out of control. On top of that, Corker basically implied what most had suspected: that President Trump has hijacked the GOP. Without nothing at stake, Corker is breaking rank and cheerfully letting loose, siding with the narrow majority of Americans that think Trump is too incompetent for office.
So what is at stake for the GOP? Is it time to panic? On one hand, they risk alienating an entire generation of potential voters. Entire demographics and voting blocks could vote Democratic by default. On the other, Republican candidates typically benefit from elections with low turnout (like, say, midterm elections). In short, 2018 is still up for grabs.
+ Since late August, I've been a certified Lyft driver. I haven't taken my first ride yet; the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet.
+ I'm proud to announce that after nearly two years of fits and starts, and I am premiering my very first solo sketch show. "Handsome Under Certain Lighting" opens at the One Group Mind Comedy Clubhouse in Wicker Park on Thursday, November 9th. You can find ticket info here.
(567)
Saturday, October 7, 2017
On Mansplaining
I attest to being a know-it-all. At varying points in my life, I've either embraced that facet of my personality or struggled mightily to reign it in. If you have a career in education, I lean more toward being helpful than condescending, though I can see how that might get misinterpreted. My first impression can be scattershot, the pitfall of a life of social awkwardness, and when I make a positive impression its an uphill battle to sustain that.
Last weekend, an old acquaintance called me out for mansplaining on Twitter. In a tweet, she openly pondered about how Spotify developed their new yearbook playlist option, and I replied with a facetious "Um, a calendar?" Her response was vexed and not without justification; it was a lazy response. When she replied on Twitter, I DM'd her on Facebook as soon as possible to apologize. I had lost her follow, and she called me out for being condescending in the past. I couldn't remember any specific details our last Twitter interaction (I want to say it was two years prior) but I wasn't going to fight her accusation. We're still Facebook friends, at least for now.
I spent the next day or two trying to remember past instances of mansplaining, both with this woman and others. Part of me was trying to break this down from an individual standpoint, while also acknowledging my own shortcomings. Was she just in a bad place, did she confuse me for someone else, a personality clash, or was this part of a greater problem? I had met this woman through improv, and even though I try to treat collaborators, friends and acquiantances as equals, I can slip. Mansplaining, rooted in sexism, is pandemic in our community and only gradually getting resolved.
Regardless, whether or not a similar incident happens on Twitter, I will make a more conscious effort to change. For now, I'll leave her alone, and pretend the altercation never happened.
(566)
Last weekend, an old acquaintance called me out for mansplaining on Twitter. In a tweet, she openly pondered about how Spotify developed their new yearbook playlist option, and I replied with a facetious "Um, a calendar?" Her response was vexed and not without justification; it was a lazy response. When she replied on Twitter, I DM'd her on Facebook as soon as possible to apologize. I had lost her follow, and she called me out for being condescending in the past. I couldn't remember any specific details our last Twitter interaction (I want to say it was two years prior) but I wasn't going to fight her accusation. We're still Facebook friends, at least for now.
I spent the next day or two trying to remember past instances of mansplaining, both with this woman and others. Part of me was trying to break this down from an individual standpoint, while also acknowledging my own shortcomings. Was she just in a bad place, did she confuse me for someone else, a personality clash, or was this part of a greater problem? I had met this woman through improv, and even though I try to treat collaborators, friends and acquiantances as equals, I can slip. Mansplaining, rooted in sexism, is pandemic in our community and only gradually getting resolved.
Regardless, whether or not a similar incident happens on Twitter, I will make a more conscious effort to change. For now, I'll leave her alone, and pretend the altercation never happened.
(566)
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