Last week's quasi-terrorist attack in Toronto struck a nerve in an unexpected way. In a world where these types of attacks are becoming all too frequent, I felt something oddly personal about Alek Minassian. He was a lone wolf and an angry, misguided soul. Alek was also part of an internet subculture that spoke to his frustrations with women, but in a way that was anti-social at best and morally heinous at worst. It led to a moment of self-evaluation.
Am I an incel?
Dating has not come easy for me. Social awkwardness has always put me behind an 8-ball. I can count the number of girls I asked out in high school on one hand. My first kiss was a serendipitous move by a friend during the homecoming dance my senior year. I don't think I realized until after I graduated high school how little I socialized with my peers, which likely explains the lack of strong relationships that came from that period of my life. I was semi-aware that I was being excluded, but the advent of social media pushed my FOMO out of the subconscious.
I don't do online dating much, except out of boredom. Whether it was the old Yahoo Personals, POF, or OkCupid I often struck out; private messages and "flirts" would go unanswered 95% of the time. My DMs are veer into the generic, and its not something I've put much investment in. As for face to face interaction, it took me a long time to shake off the false notion of being out of anyone's "league." On many occasions I've convinced myself out of asking out a woman because there was nothing to indicate she was interested.
I go through long dry spells. My first real relationship was in college, and I don't think there's anything to say there that hasn't already been said. After that, the next five years were a smattering of first dates and coffee meetups. Then I finally made it to a second date with an older woman, but I was driven away by her neediness; she wanted marriage and children when I simply wasn't ready. We've stayed friends, but we keep each other at arm's length.
After that experience, I went through another five-year dry spell. The Chicago improv community offered the healthy social life that I'd been seeking for years, and I felt compelled to ask out other performers. It was a double-edged sword, though; the possibility of getting rejected also meant alienating another performer and being denied opportunities. I was cautious, asking out maybe 10 improvisers over the span of 2 1/2 years, but nothing came of it. One said yes to doing dinner; it ended somewhat abruptly because whether or not it was a date was not clearly defined. That was my fault. After that, my adolescent self-consciousness reared its ugly head again.
In 2016, to my delight and surprise I found myself in not one but two relationships. I met the first women via OkCupid; we went out for four months before schedule conflicts rose and we grew bored with each other. I met the second woman at a friend's party; it was an open relationship, and in spite of my spotty history I was okay with that. We went out for 14 months, until she realized I reminded her too much of her ex-husband. We've stayed friends, though I've been giving her space of late. I've been single now for almost six months.
What does that have to do with being an incel? I have never felt a notion of being violent toward anyone that rejected me, or treated sex like a god-given right. On a couple of occasions, I will attest that I have sent tersely worded messages if someone stood me up on a date, or backed out without telling me. The messages were not threatening, but I articulated how annoyed I was. These instances, four or five in total, occurred during those aforementioned dry spells. I was last stood up on a date back in February.
I don't condone what Alek did. His actions were beyond misguided and shortsighted, an instance of misguided anger gone dangerously haywire. His inability to take a step back and self-evaluate was one thing, but to lash out at a group of unsuspecting strangers is reprehensible. It also opened a dialogue into the incel culture and how the mistreatment of women still permeates our culture. For everyone else, think about the mistakes you've made (or could make) before you act.
(586)
Sunday, April 29, 2018
Saturday, April 21, 2018
What About Bob?
Let me make the understatement of the century: this is not going well.
The centerpoint of the Russian hacking investigation has turned to Michael Cohen in the last two weeks or so. The feds' raid on Cohen's office and ensuing revelations about his clients is the latest distraction for an administration that can't stop extinguishing its own fires. The revelation that Fox News star (and Trump sycophant) Sean Hannity was a Cohen client served to add more fuel to the conspiracy coal bin.
We want to assume that there will be a Frank Capra moment where a high-ranking Republican comes to their senses or something, but in reality Trump is too much of an intangible. Trump et al. is pulling the strings and not vice versa, and one who crosses him (see "Corker, Bob") gets thrown under the bus. The GOP knows how to rally and work in lockstep; they'll fight this to the bitter end, regardless of whatever Mueller finds.
As far as I'm concerned, let Mueller do his job. The ongoing investigation will pay off in some way, and its not impossible for Trump to be exonerated. It is highly possible that the president simply trusted the wrong people --the story of his administration thus far-- but there is a sliver of a chance that Trump was complicit. For now, give everyone the benefit of a doubt.
(585)
The centerpoint of the Russian hacking investigation has turned to Michael Cohen in the last two weeks or so. The feds' raid on Cohen's office and ensuing revelations about his clients is the latest distraction for an administration that can't stop extinguishing its own fires. The revelation that Fox News star (and Trump sycophant) Sean Hannity was a Cohen client served to add more fuel to the conspiracy coal bin.
We want to assume that there will be a Frank Capra moment where a high-ranking Republican comes to their senses or something, but in reality Trump is too much of an intangible. Trump et al. is pulling the strings and not vice versa, and one who crosses him (see "Corker, Bob") gets thrown under the bus. The GOP knows how to rally and work in lockstep; they'll fight this to the bitter end, regardless of whatever Mueller finds.
As far as I'm concerned, let Mueller do his job. The ongoing investigation will pay off in some way, and its not impossible for Trump to be exonerated. It is highly possible that the president simply trusted the wrong people --the story of his administration thus far-- but there is a sliver of a chance that Trump was complicit. For now, give everyone the benefit of a doubt.
(585)
Tuesday, April 10, 2018
Silure en Francais, Part Deux
As some of you may recall, back in late January I struck up a conversation with a woman in Belgium named Angella. We kept talking from time to time, but she was insistent that I buy her airfare to visit the US. I told her (in French) that I didn't have any money to spare; while that wasn't necessarily true, it kept Angella at bay for awhile. I still found it odd that she still didn't have any Facebook friends, so in late February I reported her profile. Even though she ended up in Facebook jail, she ended up creating a second account.
A change in location was the straw that broke the camel's back. Angella told me that she had a 10 day business trip in Mali, and that I could the money order for plane tickets to her hotel. She gave an address that didn't make sense, regardless of how I entered it in Google Maps. I told her I only had $100 to spare, but she insisted that I send at least $700; this way, she claimed, she could fly straight from Bamako to Chicago. I told her I wasn't comfortable sending a money order to a developing nation in Africa, but she kept begging me. One late evening (in the middle of the night wherever she was) I blocked her, then filed a complaint on the U.S. government identify thief page. I'm no one's fool.
Even if "Angella" had invited me to call her via Facebook, there was just too much to be suspicous about. Since I blocked her on Facebook and Google Hangout, I have not heard a word from her. For now, it seems my concerns were validated. I thought I was getting scammed, and without giving away a red cent I alleviated the situation. Perhaps there is a 34-year-old single mom in Belgium (by way to Mali) that is absolutely clueless about social media, and she was lonely enough to strike up a conversation with a random American. I chose to believe it was a likely story.
(584)
A change in location was the straw that broke the camel's back. Angella told me that she had a 10 day business trip in Mali, and that I could the money order for plane tickets to her hotel. She gave an address that didn't make sense, regardless of how I entered it in Google Maps. I told her I only had $100 to spare, but she insisted that I send at least $700; this way, she claimed, she could fly straight from Bamako to Chicago. I told her I wasn't comfortable sending a money order to a developing nation in Africa, but she kept begging me. One late evening (in the middle of the night wherever she was) I blocked her, then filed a complaint on the U.S. government identify thief page. I'm no one's fool.
Even if "Angella" had invited me to call her via Facebook, there was just too much to be suspicous about. Since I blocked her on Facebook and Google Hangout, I have not heard a word from her. For now, it seems my concerns were validated. I thought I was getting scammed, and without giving away a red cent I alleviated the situation. Perhaps there is a 34-year-old single mom in Belgium (by way to Mali) that is absolutely clueless about social media, and she was lonely enough to strike up a conversation with a random American. I chose to believe it was a likely story.
(584)
Tuesday, March 27, 2018
30 Teams, 30 Haiku: My 2018 Baseball Preview
I've been doing this for several years now. I assume knows the drill now, right?
I have guarded optimism for my Royals this year. We're easing ourselves into rebuilding; beyond the recent re-sign of Mike Moustakas, my boys will have healthy averages but struggle to drive in runs. The speedster depicted above might ease the pain as we aim for 75-80 wins again.
*notes wild card picks
AL East
1. Yankees. Dominant again/but don't Judge; mashers evoke/Bombers of years past.
2. Red Sox*. These new Killer B's/(Benintendi, Bradley, Betts)/could be fun to watch.
3. Blue Jays. Young hitting prospects/aren't ready yet; pitching health/makes hosers skittish.
4. Orioles. Boom-Boom Mancini/can't power-hit alone; Crush/and Trumbo must smash.
5. Rays. Less sting in Tampa/Kiermaier has a hot glove/...that's the one highlight.
AL Central
1. Indians. A healthy Brantley/would be nice, but depth and weak/rivals won't hurt Tribe.
2. Twins. These Cinderellas/need more consistent SPs/and fewer pumpkins.
3. White Sox. So much turnover/reminds me of '13 Cubs/youth might rule quite soon.
4. Royals. Not unwatchable/slow rebuild, offense struggles/regal fire sale?
5. Tigers. Odd mix of young, old/aging Miggy's huge contract/leaves Bengals toothless.
AL West
1. Astros. Youthful core remains/they won't win 100, but/they'll feast on the West.
2. Angels*. Ohtani, a rare/double threat; I love his arm/but where is his bat?
3. Rangers. Not much pitching depth/beyond Hamels; with hard hits/this offense intrigues.
4. Mariners. Farm system, gutted/ancient Felix, Ichiro/lead a motley crew.
5. Athletics. Fresh Piscotty takes/a baby elephant walk/with rebuilding club.
NL East
1. Nationals. A hundred-plus wins/aside, playoff glory now/or next year's Marlins.
2. Mets*. Vargas paints the strikes/but after lat tear, they can't/let Thor get hammered.
3. Phillies. Fat Odubel whiffs/Arrieta carries this/hodgepodge of youngsters.
4. Braves. Not a playoff team/yet; Acuna and Albies/must get their chops first.
5. Marlins. These fish are dinner/like '98, but way worse/Jeter is too vague.
NL Central
1. Cubs. Yu better, you bet/Maddon must care for pitchers/or '16? A fluke.
2. Brewers*. All bats, no pitching/85 high-scoring wins/quite realistic.
3. Cardinals. Weaver is a dream/if K's pile up. Who is/Miles Mikolas?
4. Reds. Hamilton must learn/to bunt; history has its/eyes on you, Billy.
5. Pirates. These faceless Buccos/have their work cut out for them/grievances abound!
NL West
1. Dodgers. Chokehold on first place/Matt Kemp is back? Good, I guess/on league's deepest team.
2. D-Backs. A small step backward/all that glitters is Goldy/bullpen needs more bite.
3. Rockies. No shade on Jon Gray/at last, an ace bolsters new/Baker Street Bombers.
4. Giants. Offense upgrades? Nice/but MadBum can't catch a break/and old guys must rake.
5. Padres. Very deep farm teams/will pay off by '21/Now? Say a prayer.
AL MVP: Mike Trout, Angels
NL MVP: Nolan Arenado, Rockies
AL Cy Young: Chris Sale, Red Sox
NL Cy Young: Max Scherzer, Nationals
AL ROY: Franklin Barreto, A's
NL ROY: Ronald Acuna, Braves
First Manager Fired: Mike Matheny, Cardinals
2018 World Series: Dodgers over Yankees in 6
Friday, March 16, 2018
Random Notes, March 2018
Russians hackers tampered with the 2016 presidential election.
The above sentence is an undeniable fact. What could not be proven, however was the curious but ultimately unconfirmed theory that President Trump's campaign worked with said Russian hackers to alter the course of the 2016 election, essentially performing a massive act of collusion. When it seemed like more time, money, and energy was needed to connect the dots, the GOP pulled the plug on their investigation. Robert Mueller et al. will continue to soldier on, dauntless albeit impartial, sending subpoenas were needed.
Other notes:
+ Next week, I leave for Austin! It'll be my second trip by airplane since 2005 and longest trip out of state since high school. Of course I'll be doing the tourist thing, but I'm going down to Texas first and forement for "The Bob Zula." This is a feature film produced, written, and directed by my friend Brandon Reich. He's crowdsourcing the film's budget, and even though there's enough to start filming, I want to make sure Brandon completes the project. I strongly encourage anyone reading this to donate ASAP. Even a $5 donation gets a "thank you" in the closing credits.
+ Wanna buy some late 60s/early 70s baseball cards? Message me for details.
Next week: my annual baseball preview.
(582)
The above sentence is an undeniable fact. What could not be proven, however was the curious but ultimately unconfirmed theory that President Trump's campaign worked with said Russian hackers to alter the course of the 2016 election, essentially performing a massive act of collusion. When it seemed like more time, money, and energy was needed to connect the dots, the GOP pulled the plug on their investigation. Robert Mueller et al. will continue to soldier on, dauntless albeit impartial, sending subpoenas were needed.
Other notes:
+ Next week, I leave for Austin! It'll be my second trip by airplane since 2005 and longest trip out of state since high school. Of course I'll be doing the tourist thing, but I'm going down to Texas first and forement for "The Bob Zula." This is a feature film produced, written, and directed by my friend Brandon Reich. He's crowdsourcing the film's budget, and even though there's enough to start filming, I want to make sure Brandon completes the project. I strongly encourage anyone reading this to donate ASAP. Even a $5 donation gets a "thank you" in the closing credits.
+ Wanna buy some late 60s/early 70s baseball cards? Message me for details.
Next week: my annual baseball preview.
(582)
Friday, March 9, 2018
Silure en Français
I'm very cautious with my Facebook profile, but at the same time I'm not inclined to make assumptions. If I get a friend request from a face or name that I don't recognize, I message that person (or bot) with a simple "hello, have we met?" If I don't receive a response in due time, or a response that makes sense, I either delete the request or report them.
About a month ago, I received a messenger request that landed in my "other" DM inbox. Her name was Angella, and I replied with my usual ice breaker. Everything about this looked fishy. Angella had zero Facebook friends and only a handful of pics on her profile, which was created in December 2017. She replied no, and in broken English she said my profile pic was cute. She said she was from Belgium by way of France. I asked a series of short but direct questions, and she answered all of them promptly.
As the conversation went on, it became harder to tell if Angella was fake or just had an extremely awkward social media presence. The conversation eventually transitioned from English to French; I'm not fluent, but it was easier for her if I used Google Translate. Angella is 34 (turning 35 this Spring), a part-time model working at a PR firm in Liege. She was a single mom, but her grammar school-age daughter lived with her parents in the Paris suburbs. She had always wanted to visit the US, but money prevented that from happening. Angella did not bring that up immediately, but for all intents and purposes I consider that a red flag.
As of right now, I'm mostly humoring my alleged penpal. We've swapped photos, and with one or two exceptions they all look like the same woman. She is still adamant about visiting Chicago (she spells it "Chicargo") but I am very hesitant to spend any money on air fare. I keep telling her that I don't have much expendable income (which is true) and doing my best to save up money (which I'm not). The conversation has transitioned from Facebook Messenger to Google Hangout. I'll keep you guys posted as this weird "love story" develops.
(581)
About a month ago, I received a messenger request that landed in my "other" DM inbox. Her name was Angella, and I replied with my usual ice breaker. Everything about this looked fishy. Angella had zero Facebook friends and only a handful of pics on her profile, which was created in December 2017. She replied no, and in broken English she said my profile pic was cute. She said she was from Belgium by way of France. I asked a series of short but direct questions, and she answered all of them promptly.
As the conversation went on, it became harder to tell if Angella was fake or just had an extremely awkward social media presence. The conversation eventually transitioned from English to French; I'm not fluent, but it was easier for her if I used Google Translate. Angella is 34 (turning 35 this Spring), a part-time model working at a PR firm in Liege. She was a single mom, but her grammar school-age daughter lived with her parents in the Paris suburbs. She had always wanted to visit the US, but money prevented that from happening. Angella did not bring that up immediately, but for all intents and purposes I consider that a red flag.
As of right now, I'm mostly humoring my alleged penpal. We've swapped photos, and with one or two exceptions they all look like the same woman. She is still adamant about visiting Chicago (she spells it "Chicargo") but I am very hesitant to spend any money on air fare. I keep telling her that I don't have much expendable income (which is true) and doing my best to save up money (which I'm not). The conversation has transitioned from Facebook Messenger to Google Hangout. I'll keep you guys posted as this weird "love story" develops.
(581)
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