Random Notes, September 2023

 I write essays when I can. In the meantime: 

+ About two weeks ago, I attended my 20-year high school reunion. I tend to get anxious about reconnecting with people I haven't seen in a long time, and this event was no exception. I went to a fairly large high school in the Chicago suburbs, and getting over 500 people to agree on a day, time, and location was a Herculean effort, so that alone made my attendance an obligation. In the end, about 125 of us had an epic reminiscence at a Loyal Order of Moose lodge, guzzling domestic beer and eating mediocre delivery pizza.

+ The first Trump-free GOP debate was a futile exercise. The second was a hot mess. The uneasy slog to an inevitable Trump-Biden rematch continues, and the race to GOP second place truly offers no winners. 

+ Not to belabor the point, but the modern GOP really *can't* get their shit together. Speaker McCarthy has done little to prevent another government shutdown; his quench for congressional power apparently means kowtowing to the fringe right. 

+ Dianne Feinstein was a liberal stalwart and one of the first LGBTQ allies on the national political stage. She'll be missed, but like Ruth Bader Ginsburg before her, she held on for far longer than she needed to and was too stubborn to just retire. 

(719)

32 Teams, 32 Haiku: My 2023 NFL Preview

 

After a remarkably wild summer here in Chicago --at least, as the weather as concerned-- football season sort of crept up on us. The Cubs are watchable but not contending, and the other city sports offerings have been a letdown, so why not get in on the Bears at entry level? As for the NFL as a whole, the AFC has a surplus of elite QBs, balanced out by an NFC that has quality wideouts to spare, and a good set of linebackers are a commodity no matter where you are. With world champion Kansas City hosting Detroit --two interesting teams, but hardly a rivalry-- to start the year, where does everyone really stand? 

Yes, I'm starting my annual pigskin delve with my boldest prediction. 

*notes wild card

NFC NORTH

1. Lions (10-7). Music in Motown/again; in Great Lakes dogfight/kitties claw to top.

2. Vikings (9-8). Close wins, lucky breaks/won’t sustain; can Flores fix/the secondary?

3. Bears (8-9). Fields is fun to watch/but wins are scant; porous D/curbs any progress.

4. Packers (7-10). No summer of Love/in Wisconsin tundra; soft/D evokes Swiss cheese.

NFC EAST

1. Eagles (13-4). Iffy holding calls/aside, vengeance is likely/so elite, it Hurts.

2. Cowboys (10-7)*. Dak says he won't throw/15 interceptions... he'll/throw 16 instead.

3. Giants (8-9). This year’s boom or bust/squad; Daboll and Jones will thrive/or fail, simply put.

4. Commanders (5-12). New owners, who dis?/Crafty D, patchwork O means/more Beltway boredom.

NFC SOUTH

1. Saints (10-7). Oil of Olave/keeps the Carr running; deep D/won’t just pump the brakes.

2. Falcons (8-9). Boo-birds’ high-flying/…ground game? Lack of wideouts eye/of the rebuild storm.

3. Buccaneers (7-10). Brady to Baker/saves some doubloons; younger squad/barely stays afloat.

4. Panthers (6-11). Young Bryce scurries as/O-line falters; low-key D/is Cats’ saving grace.

NFC WEST

1. 49ers (13-4). Purdy persuasion/regardless of who's QB/loaded O will feast.

2. Seahawks (10-7)*. I was wrong about/Geno; offbeat Gulls win with/excess receivers.

3. Rams (7-10). Absurd dead cap space/aging Stafford and Donald/not bad… but a mess.

4. Cardinals (3-14). Marquise attraction/wideout carries O while/Kyler recovers. 

AFC NORTH

1. Bengals (12-5). No average Joes/here; win-now mindset gives Chase/but windows can close.

2. Ravens (11-6)*. Receiver upgrade/(finally) lets Lamar throw/outside the numbers.

3. Steelers (9-8). Rarely bad, that’s not/news; how wicked will Pickett/be in season two?

4. Browns (7-10). D upgrades help, but/Watson rubs us the wrong way/even with a Chubb.

AFC EAST

1. Bills (14-3). If Hyde, Poyer, and/Von can stay healthy, they’ll break/records (and tables).

2. Dolphins (12-5)*. Tua is ready/assuming he’s healthy, or/he’ll die on his Hill.

3. Jets (10-7)*. Does Rodgers play out/of pocket… or a cave? There’s/something in the Sauce.

4. Patriots (7-10). How the tables turn/Mac must attack, or Kraft will/Jones for a rebuild.

AFC SOUTH

1. Jaguars (10-7). Lawrence won’t welk; new/targets burnish his Pro Bowl/case. Cue the bubbles!

2. Titans (8-9). Levis better learn/quick; solid D can’t cover/atrocious O-line.

3. Colts (6-11). It’s Tony Dimes’ time/run-happy O obscures young/buck under center.

4. Texans (5-12). Young with upside, yet/briskly cowed by injuries/new O-line might stun. 

AFC WEST

1. Chiefs (14-3). Youthful D is boom/or bust; with Mahomes, they’ll romp/the West anyway.

2. Chargers (11-6)*. Color me shocked if/they win a playoff game for/once; Horse Knob Herbert?

3. Broncos (8-9). Forget the diva/treatment, Peyton will force Russ/to earn his paycheck.

4. Raiders (5-12). Too many Pats’ hand/me downs (Jimmy G, Hoyer)/hold back Josh Jacobs.

NFL MVP: Patrick Mahomes, Chiefs

Offensive POY: Christian McCaffrey, Niners

Defensive POY: Ahmad “Sauce” Gardner, Jets

Offensive ROY: Bijan Robinson, Falcons

Defensive ROY: Jalen Carter, Eagles

First Head Coach Fired: Josh McDaniels, Raiders

Super Bowl LVIII: Niners 30, Bills 26

(718)

Georgia On My Mind

 Warren G. Harding, our 29th president, died 100 years ago this month. At the time of his sudden passing, he had high approval ratings and was expected win reelection in 1924. His connections to the Teapot Dome scandal, a bribery investigation that dragged on for two years, overshadowed all of Harding's accomplishments posthumously. 

There are some neat parallels between this and our 45th president, who is on his fourth indictment and counting. Had Harding lived to see Teapot Dome play out, he almost certainly would've been indicted as well. The end result of Teapot Dome was a member of Harding's cabinet and a few presidential aides going to prison. This latest Trump indictment corralled 19 collaborators, including disgraced former NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani; for a pioneer of RICO laws, getting charged with racketeering is a sad irony. Naturally, all parties are pleading innocence. 

The very idea of an elected US president standing trial for anything seems absurd. That was true in 1923 and it remains preposterous now, but Donald Trump is a special case. He's still running the GOP table (so to speak) and his base has hardly wavered. I assumed six years ago that if the crap hit the fan, most of Trump's lackeys and brown-nosers would take the fall while their vainglorious boss got off relatively scot-free. Seeing that Trump mugshot offers hope for a long-awaited reckoning, but it's only surface-level assuagement. 

Next time: my annual NFL preview.

(717)

Kay Allard, 1945-2023

My aunt, Kay Allard died on May 25th, one week after her 78th birthday. A memorial was held on June 21st.

My sister and I didn't know she passed until Tuesday.

We were equally livid and confused as we stumbled upon the news. I had not heard from Aunt Kay since late March; I last texted her in mid-June to share an old photo we'd found. My sister had commented that we hadn't heard from her in awhile, and we noticed over the weekend that our calls were disconnected and texts were bouncing back. My sister called the Naperville Police Department to do a welfare check; they called back to inform us that she'd passed two months ago. A memorial service was held and attended by "family and friends," and this vague phrase also appears in her obituary. 

We had to get to the bottom of this communication breakdown. Eventually, my sister got a hold of the hospice service that Kay hired (and assisted in the service). Aunt Kay had mentioned earlier in the year that she was going to have pacemaker surgery, but she didn't specify when. The procedure was just before her birthday; after the surgery, a number of complications arose, including a series of strokes. It left her incapable of speaking or operating her iPhone, and no one knew how to unlock it. For a self-described ambassadorial extrovert, it feels awful knowing she essentially died alone and in silence. 

I had a stronger relationship with Kay than my sister. I would attribute any issue between Kay, my mother and my sister to personality clashes, and I’ll leave it at that. We texted about monthly, but I hadn't seen Kay in person since my mother's burial in June 2017.

Kay was the last direct connection to the Kansas City side of the family, even though the Allards moved to LaGrange, IL in 1951, not long after her sixth birthday. With her gone, my living family is now down to my sister and some scattered cousins. 

Kay did not live alone. Even though she was widowed in 2004, she was the primary caretaker for her husband's sister Delores. She is developmentally disabled and was shuffled around most of her life until landing with Kay and my late Uncle Ray in 1995. My sister and I were told that Delores was moved to a dementia facility in Tampa. 

There is still some mystery to this. My sister and I have cousins in southern Illinois that we are not close to; they apparently organized the memorial service. I don't believe we have their contact info. On top of that, we don't know what will happen to Kay's belongings; we believe her will cites our father (who died 7 1/2 years ago) and Delores as getting the majority of her inheritance. 

Given how abruptly we found out our aunt's passing, I'm still processing my thoughts. Had things going according to plan, the onus of writing a eulogy would have rested on my shoulders. Though Kay was not the reason I went into education (a long story in itself) I inherited her passion for teaching writing and helping students generate ideas. She was an English teacher at Glenbard East High School in Lombard, IL from 1981 to 2001 and taught at College of DuPage in some capacity from 1973 to 2022. 

I feel some guilt about this. Even though I last texted Kay in mid-June, she hadn’t texted me since late March. I wanted to do lunch or brunch or something to that effect, but couldn’t find the right time to ask. COVID compounded the perceived distance. Until I can fully embrace her passing, all I can say beyond this is that I hope she’s at peace.

(716)

Random Notes, July 2023

 Four hot takes for a happy Fourth:

+ If any one person is at fault for the WGA strike (and a possible SAG strike) it's Warner Brothers Discovery head honcho David Zaslav. WB is desperate to hide his buffoonery, though GQ magazine may have potentially flubbed an expose of Zaslav. To call him unpopular in the entertainment industry is generous. 

+ I really want to care about this submarine thing. Schadenfreude is oversimplifying most people's reactions; it was a doomed joy trip by the idle rich, augmented by mistakes that would've been satirical 20 years ago. Somehow, though it was a better financial decision than Elon Musk buying Twitter. 

+ I am disappointed but not surprised by the recent SCOTUS decisions on college debt and affirmative action. Nothing will change will Clarence Thomas retires, and he'll likely hold out until after Biden leaves office. Even then, our best shot is still a 5-4 conservative majority, and Chief Justice Edwards has not been a reliable swing vote. 

+ Stu News is turning 10 next month! That's about 3,100 total jokes, published six or seven times a week without stopping since mid-2013. How will I celebrate? More details soon. 

(715)

File This!

On paper, Trump looks screwed. Alas, I doubt his punishment (assuming he really does get punished) won't fit the crime. After a presidency that was more scandal-plagued than Nixon and Clinton put together, we watched one Trump lackey after another get thrown under the bus while the boss remained relatively unscathed. On top of that, Trump has no intention of dropping out of the 2024 GOP primary, where he's polling better than all the other declared candidates combined. At least 51% of the party is sticking with their guy, prison or not.

At least one conservative pundit has compared Trump's unfair treatment to how George W. Bush was scrutinized by the "liberal media" in the 2000s. Was Bush 43 a trust fund bumbler? Yes. Was he too trusting in the wrong people? Often. Was he corrupt? No. Trump is not being prosecuted for being a Republican, nor is being prosecuted by cable news. Trump is being prosecuted because he is likely a criminal.

Then there's the Trump lackeys, his homers, his ride-or-dies. The sizable chunk of the GOP he hasn't alienated. Naturally, they're pretending the overwhelming evidence against Trump isn't real, that this a politically motivated witch hunt or exaggerated by partisan vitriol. In other words, they're incorporating their two favorite tactics, gaslighting and whatabout-ism. Either they're saddled by unconditional support or they're lying to themselves, it's often hard to tell.

Let's play that GOP tactic right now: what about Joe Biden? Yes, he did have confidential documents stacked in the garage. However, there weren't nearly as many as Trump hoarded, Biden cooperated with authorities, and Biden apologized. Mike Pence, the stoic Christian, committed the same sin. Even so, the 2024 race is shaping up to be Biden against... something, and for all of Biden's flaws he is the only palatable option. In other words, vote blue... or until Mark Levin is blue in the face.

(714)