Dispatches from Arm's Length, Part 14

Nearly half a million Americans are dead. A population the size of Kansas City has been wiped out by COVID. The rise of numerous variants has complicated most forms of treatment. For some, we're beyond pandemic fatigue. For others, we hope for the best, even without an end in sight.

I am now one of the few and lucky to have been vaccinated. One of the districts I sub for offered, and I accepted. I drove to a local high school gym on a Saturday morning, took my sweater off, and there it went. I felt groggy the rest of the day, but otherwise I'm fine. I'll get my second Moderna shot in early March.

Other notes:

+ Former President Trump getting acquitted a second time was disappointing, though hardly surprising. You can blame the Democrat higher-ups or weak-willed Republicans, but to me they're apples and oranges. The prosecution was excellent, but the decision to not call witnesses made the lack of punishment a foregone conclusion. 

+ It took a year, but the epic Minor League Baseball realignment happened. I was half-right about the outcome; the Burlington Bees were shut out, but the Beloit Snappers were spared. On the flip side, the Kane County Cougars didn't make the cut, but now they're joining an "MLB partnership" league that's basically independent ball. Alas, I'm still a season-ticker holder, so I guess I'll witness first-hand whether this works out.

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Still Hiding in Plain Sight

Sorry for the delay, everyone. I had a hard time writing this one without going too much into detail:

Two weeks ago, I had to block a former improv teammate on all social media. I described my situation with his person and a non-for-profit improv organization 15 months ago. I was participating in a goofy contest for the organization via Facebook, and they commented that Funny Bones is transphobic. (This is the same person that threatened to sue and lead a boycott of a children's charity.) I deleted the comment, then they rewrote it 10 minutes later. They did the same thing on Instagram. This was my first direct interaction with this person since they were kicked out in November 2019.

I don't feel great about doing it, especially with how complicated the situation was, but it was probably the best course of action. This person was looking for a confrontation, and I know that no matter what I was going to say, they weren't going to budge. A mutual friend --a woman they dated briefly last year-- was willing to hear me out. She suggested it was argumentum ad lapidem, or "appeal to the stone." This person in question is too festering with anger from this and other situations to hear a counter-argument. The problem is them, not me. 

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These Last Four Years (Which Felt Like a Decade)

 Much like my late December music blog, it's become a tradition of sorts to letter-grade an outgoing U.S. president. I've been writing this blog for almost 16 years, and I summed up the Bush 43 and Obama administrations in lengthier than usual pieces. Given who our latest outgoing president is, I don't think I'll be nearly as verbose.

I don't think there's really anything I can say that hasn't already been analyzed or scrutinized in regard to Donald John Trump. He is by far the most polarizing president of our time, a man no one has no opinion about. No one used (or abused) social media quite like he did, and certainly no one flirted with abusing their power like Trump, either. History will remember him for running laps around Nixon's misdeeds. To paraphrase the man himself, he grabbed democracy by the pussy. 

Trump is a man of contradictions, if you consider his love for attention and disregard for the media contradictory. He is man who loves attention, a category 5 narcissist, who can't handle any negative news directed at him. He persuaded his base, already socially conservative and disdainful of the social media, to make "fake news" his mantra of choice both on the campaign trail and in office. He lives for flattery and bombast. 

I could just rattle off his various crises and scandals: the Russia hack, the sloppy attempt to cover up the Russia hack, Ivanka plugging her handbags, Stormy Daniels, myriad deregulations, a mountain of sexual misconduct allegations, and of course the situation in Ukraine that led to impeachment. His failure to address COVID --at least, until he tested positive himself-- was a stain on his final year in office. Now, just days after a bunch of Trump's most rabid supporters raided the U.S. Capitol building, a second impeachment is not beyond possibility. (Forgive the brevity, but frankly I'm sick of writing about the man.)

I remember reading something in Entertainment Weekly 15 years ago (I want to attribute this to Alynda Wheat, but I'm probably wrong) about the pitfalls of giving anything an "F" review. Wheat or someone else said that if you give something the lowest possible grade, it implies that the film, TV show, etc. has a train wreck quality that will still intrigue and attract people. An F makes one think it's so bad it's good, like "The Room." Almost for that reason alone, I'm giving Trump a D-, which is marginally better but far less savory. Trump had a few scant positive achievements, but they were minor and offer little long-term impact. 

In short, a new voice can't come soon enough. Former Vice President Joe Biden, our oldest elected U.S. President, has a tall order ahead of him. He's not perfect, but in many ways he's already an improvement over his volatile predecessor. Things can only get better. 

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That Wonderful Year in Music... 2020

 Arts and culture frequently mirrors its time and surroundings, and this massive kidney stone we call 2020 demonstrated that in spades. (I know I said pretty much the same thing about brilliance under duress in 2016, but it still applies.) Even though most of us couldn't go to a movie theater or attend a music festival, there were artistic achievements to celebrate. A uniquely weird year certainly wasn't a bad one, and if visiting the record store wasn't an option, then we all knelt at the throne of Spotify in 2020.

BEST ALBUMS 

1. Fetch the Bolt Cutters, Fiona Apple. In a year where up was down, left and right, and nothing could be taken for granted, the most outstanding release of the year was a literal shaggy dog story. Apple recorded this album with a tight quartet, on and off for five years, in between her rescue pets barking at her home studio in Venice Beach. Neither prolific (her third album since 2000) nor predictable, Apple takes any assumptions you make about her work --sometimes radically shifting a song at mid-course-- and throws it out the window. Bolt Cutters is jarring, cathartic, disarming, but above all very human. Odds are, Apple will disappear for another six or seven years, assume everyone forgot about her, then release another album that's even more astounding than this one.

2. Saint Cloud, Waxahatchee. Trading the defiant alt-rock of her fourth solo album for a contemplative, country sound, Katie Crutchfield turned inward to fight off getting complacent. Newly sober and in a state of introspection, Crutchfield's Alabama twang sounds wry and effortless. She's in a new chapter in her life, she insists, but the story is still being written. 

3. RTJ4, Run The Jewels. In a word, searing. Always killer with minimal filler, RTJ's beefy revolution anthems were both a harbinger and soundtrack to a tense and violent summer. Police brutality, systemic racism, and class injustice are not new problems, as Killer Mike and El-P reminded us, and it's not going away anytime soon. It's a vicious cycle, and without any systemic change it will keep popping up in the news over and over again. 

4. Set My Heart On Fire Immediately, Perfume Genius 

5. Heaven to a Tortured Mind, Yves Tumor

6. Women In Music Pt. III, HAIM 

7. It Is What It Is, Thundercat

8. The New Abnormal, The Strokes 

9. The Slow Rush, Tame Impala 

10. Rough And Rowdy Ways, Bob Dylan. If 2020 was about expecting the unexpected, how about a nearly 80-year-old Nobel Prize winner putting out yet another outstanding album? Old Man Zimmerman was probably thrilled that he didn't have to tour for this latest release, where he locks horns with his legacy as well as his own mortality. As ever, Dylan speaks directly but remains elusive; he says he's weary, but has energy to spare. The last half-hour of this album (maybe his last, but who knows) has only two songs, both rambling in nature yet compelling to listen to and decipher. 

Honorable Mentions: Miss Anthropocene, Grimes; Letter to You, Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band; All Thoughts Fly, Anna von Hausswolff.

BEST JAZZ ALBUMS:

1. Lianne La Havas, Lianne La Havas. Genre-bending (I debated putting on the above list) and overwhelmingly peaceful, La Havas' self-titled third album was written in the span of half a decade. Unlike Fiona Apple, however La Havas chose chill over catharsis. Detailing her split with her former creative and romantic partner, La Havas sings like a woman reborn, blending R&B, soul, and acid jazz while barely breaking a sweat.

2. Hero Trio, Rudresh Mahanthappa

3. All Rise, Gregory Porter

4. Canvas, Robert Glasper

5. Originations, Ryan Cohan

Honorable Mentions: Purple Dark Opal, Kuzu; Fearless, Sharel Cassity.

BEST SONGS: (in no order)

"All In My Head," Whethan & Grandson

"You Need Me," Nathanial Rateliff

"Blinding Lights," The Weeknd

"Hell and Back," Bakar

"Be Afraid," Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit

"I Will Run," Dawes

"Shangri-La," EOB

"I'm Alive," Norah Jones

"What's The Matter," Twin Peaks

"Savage," Megan Thee Stallion

"Boss Bitch," Doja Cat

"Aries," Gorillaz feat. Peter Hook

"Sorceress," Jess Williamson

"My Game," Zella Day

"You're Not Alone," Semisonic

"Fake," Lauv feat. Conan Grey

"Together," beabadoobee

"Get Weird," North By North

"See Monkey," Elvis Perkins

"Pienso En Ti," Levitation Room

Outstanding Achievement by a Song That Was Preceded by a 13 Minute Dirge About The Titanic, and Soon to Be Followed By a 20 Minute Ballad About the Hindenburg Explosion: "Murder Most Foul," Bob Dylan 

Best Song From 2019 That I Discovered in 2020: "I'm Ready," Black Pumas

BEST VIDEOS

1. "WAP," Cardi B feat. Megan Thee Stallion. Well great, the basement's flooded...

2. "Therefore I Am," Billie Eilish. The mall *looks* abandoned, but this clip was probably shot during regular business hours.

3. "Sickeningly Teeth," Melkbelly. A small army of Chicago-turned-NYC improvisers (including, ahem, some acquaintances of mine) remind you of the importance of flossing.

4. "3 Segundos," Melenas. A goofy green-screen pastiche of classic American TV shows, featuring Pamplona's modern-day riot grrls.

5. "Blind Youth Industrial Park," METZ. My annual heady, surreal, sci-fi/fantasy pick.

Honorable Mention: "Bad Decisions," The Strokes. Supplies are limited! Order now!

See you all in '21.

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Random Notes, December 2020

 Hot takes, fresh from the microwave:

+ I'm burning the candle on both ends. I'm subbing, doing Lyft, and working a temp job on weekends to pay bills, among other things. I couldn't imagine 2016 me working seven days a week, but these are tough circumstances. Between December 1st and the 20th, I worked 19 days. Winter break couldn't come soon enough. 

+ President Trump allegedly wants to pardon his three oldest children and son-in-law for unclear reasons. He's already handed out Get Out of Jail cards to some cronies, as well as some war criminals. Gee, that's not fishy.

+ Without going too much into context, I've recently arrived at the conclusion that I'm a lot better at fantasy baseball than football. 

+ This year has not been easy on any of us. Even if the last few weeks (Biden's election, the COVID-19 vaccine) offers guarded optimism, we still have to hang tight and take things one day at a time. May you and yours have a wonderful holiday. 

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Next Week: the year in music, 2020.

My 16th Annual Thanks/No Thanks List

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. With five weeks remaining, very little could change the fact that 2020 has been a massive annus horribilis.  I've personally had worse years (longtime readers will remember my issues in 2009 and 2010) but I don't want to take away from anyone reading this that is struggling during the pandemic. Nearly everyone has had their lives upended this year, to the extent that we can't even enjoy ourselves with family. It's hard to feel thankful this year.

This year, I'm thankful for friends that may not be physically anywhere near me, but can be contacted on social media, as well as by phone or email. I joined Facebook 15 years ago this month, and for all its flaws it remains my primary means of communication. I'm also thankful to be working, even though I'm just as far from a real career as I was a decade ago.

Also, on this most unusual Thanksgiving I give a hearty "no thanks" to Qanon, anti-maskers, gaslighting (still), people in general that conflate minor inconveniences with liberty, and Sen. Mitch McConnell. I guess you can tell what's often on my mind. Yes, I know some of those things overlap.

To you, my loyal readers, onward and upward as we navigate the rest of the year together.

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