Wednesday, March 30, 2016

30 Teams, 30 Haiku: My 2016 Baseball Preview


It seems hard to believe, but the 2016 baseball season starts in a few days. A particularly zany free agent season left more questions than answers; the NL West had more turnovers than a church bake sale, and who finishes last in the AL East is anyone's guess. That followed a bizarre season where Detroit and Cincinnati both finished in last place, a record number of position players pitched in relief --including the ALCS-- and the once-dormant Kansas City Royals hoisted the Commissioner's Trophy (I'm still giddy with disbelief). As I do every year, I'm going to try to make sense of all the mishegoss, 17 syllables at a time.

NOTE: asterisks for wild card picks

AL EAST
1. Blue Jays. Bats over pitching/high-scoring fun ev’ry day/short-term fireworks.
2. Red Sox*. The life of Pablo/gets easier; free agents/will turn things around.
3. Rays. Zen Archer leads arms/they’ll do the heavy lifting/as their bats struggle.
4. Yankees. A-Rod and Beltran/carry the offense; that’s great/...a decade ago.
5. Orioles. Davis, overpaid/Many questions, X-factors/Contenders? Doubtful.

AL CENTRAL
1. Royals. Unlikely world champs/are now sitting ducks; are the/starting arms enough?
2. Tigers*. Beaucoup injuries/derailed last year; weary vets/might prove effective.
3. Indians. Ignore the slow start/Brantley needs to get healthy/to boost dark horse run.
4. Twins. So many prospects/surround old backstop Mauer/expect growing pains.
5. White Sox. Spring training power/surge might not last; weak defense/got a slight upgrade.

AL WEST
1. Astros. Last year's big surprise/another year older; deep/rotation holds edge.
2. Rangers. These old cowpokes have/one more run; too bad the youth/keep getting injured.
3. Angels. Mike Trout, big tuna/superstar, carrying a/mediocre team.
4. Mariners. Ace needs run support/King Felix: "lend me your ears"/Adam Lind helps, kinda.
5. Athletics. Look over Yonder/too many bullpen questions/to avoid dead last.

NL EAST
1. Nationals. Win now or else, Bryce/DC must seize the moment/in spite of Dusty.
2. Mets*. If Wright stays healthy/and Yoenis does more than just/mash, they’ll top the Nats.
3. Marlins. Who is older, Bonds/or Ichiro? Florida/seniors stay active.
4. Phillies. Rebuild in progress/(at last); the future rests in/Nola and Franco.
5. Braves. Freddie Freeman, their/sole legitimate hitter/new ballpark awaits.

NL CENTRAL
1. Cubs. Young guns are ready/win the NLCS or/s*** their pants again?
2. Cardinals. "The Cardinal Way"/is south; don't expect hunt for/Red(bird) October.
3. Pirates. Living on ground balls/and moxie; they're the third best/in a stacked Central.
4. Brewers. Complete overhaul/just beginning; aging Braun/and little muscle.
5. Reds. Votto looks slimmer/younger guys, lighter payroll/but Price writes bad checks.

NL WEST
1. Dodgers. Slight favorites; their/surplus of outfielders will/carry them so far.
2. Giants*. This is an arms race/Cueto joins stacked rotation/in an even year.
3. D-Backs. Not much depth after/Greinke, Miller, and Corbin/more bats needed, too.
4. Padres. Cashner ain't money/healthy hitters make up for/atrocious bullpen.
5. Rockies. Great outfield squandered/can you ask Peyton Manning/if he's ever pitched?

NL MVP: Kris Bryant, Cubs
AL MVP: Mike Trout, Angels
NL Cy Young: Clayton Kershaw, Dodgers
AL Cy Young: Chris Archer, Rays
NL ROY: Corey Seager, Dodgers
AL ROY: Jose Berrios, Twins
First Manager Fired: Bryan Price, Reds
2016 World Series: Dodgers over Blue Jays in 6

Play ball!

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

The St. Patrick's Day Massacre

This March 17th marks a dubious anniversary, one that doesn’t necessarily affect me in a direct way, but summarizes the foibles of working extensively as a temp. Since my first assignment over five years ago, I’ve had positive and negative experiences, jobs that fit my skills perfectly balanced out by jobs that were total mismatches. I’ve had at least one experience that started out well and very gradually went sour.  I have seen both disarray and machine-like precision. However, nothing quite compared to a five-month assignment that I had during the spring and summer of last year:

In early March, 2015 my agency offered me an assignment with a company called RevMD Partners. As their web site succinctly explains, RevMD is a subsidiary company that handles accounts receivable for ambulance service claims. (At the time, they handled Rural Metro, but more on that later.) I would be doing billing for the company’s regional office in Westmont, IL, in a corporate suite down the street from my parents’ house. I was looking for a temp position that was both geographically closer to Chicago (one town east, close enough) and offered a temp-to-hire opportunity. I said yes, and my contact told me to show up Tuesday morning.

I arrived at the office at 8:30 sharp to meet the management in a conference room. The interior of the building looked like a fairly ordinary office: beige walls, thin carpet, a large maze of drab cubicles. After a short tour, I discovered that this wouldn’t be the building I would work in. We walked across the corporate park to an adjacent building, where the entire billing department was housed. It was recently acquired following a company expansion and it showed: computers on picnic tables, yellow “do not cross” tape over exposed wires between desks, paper placards with employees’ names taped to their monitors. There were somewhere between 80 and 90 people in one giant room, with all the desks facing a curved side of tinted panel windows.

The first thing that struck me was how diverse the department was. Of approximately 85 people, only six or seven were male. The women in the office were overwhelmingly African-American, ranging in age from 20 to 60, and mostly from the west and south sides of Chicago. With a handful of exceptions, the billing staff were temps like me; a handful of preexisting RevMD employees transferred from the one office to the other, mere weeks before I arrived. Open-ended assignment or not, there had already been some turnover in the temp ranks. Also, the company was family-owned; Joe, our manager, was nephew of the company’s founder and CFO.

Jazz (not her real name), the woman who trained me, had only been there a month. She was in her early 20s, had a bachelor's in communications (like me), but she was still looking for her first permanent gig after college. She was also a short-timer; tentatively, she was moving to LA in early April to pursue a career as an actress/model. I sat between her and Fifi (again, not her real name) a woman about 10 years my senior. Where Jazz was somewhat gregarious, Fifi was taciturn and laser-focused on her work. I struggled with certain aspects of the data entry, so I ended up sitting in with a second woman two sections over for a day or two.

I soon discovered that this office was heavy on “street smarts” and agonizingly low on “book smarts.” Joe the manager graduated (I think) from Northern Illinois University, a decent school but not exactly Northwestern or UChicago. The majority of the staff either had an associate’s or just a high school diploma. I’m this instance, I’m not necessarily saying “street smarts” in a derogatory way; imagine you had a basketball team, and your starting five were purely offensive players. They can shoot and pass the ball, but someone still has to block shots and rebound. There was a vast chasm between thinking with your gut and applying rigorous, well-reasoned solutions, one that sometimes felt insurmountable.

On my third day in the office, Joe concluded the morning announcements by mentioning that several members of the staff had been arguing with each other, and some feuds had developed in the office. Joe warned everyone to leave their drama at the door and put more focus on your work. Additionally, he mentioned that at least one person in the office refused to wash their hands after using the bathroom, and because so many people complained, he implored the staff to use proper hygiene. I was aware of an undercurrent of drama, but chose not to participate or listen to any gossip; the second complaint, however made me chortle. Unfortunately, these same two bullet points kept coming up during the morning announcements, and it got to a point where Joe threatened to bring a “hygiene instructor” that would perform a mandatory presentation. Joe only suggested dismissing temps as a last resort.

I had a pre-scheduled day off on March 17th, my two-week anniversary. I let my agency know that I had to drive my father to a doctor’s appointment, and confirmed the personal day with Joe. When I returned on March 18th, there was a new sort of tension in the air. During his morning address, Joe said that yesterday was “just a really bad day” and that it shouldn’t deter us from doing our work, and mentioned that nine people had been pulled from their assignment. I know until an hour or so later that Jazz and my second trainer were among the dismissed. Of course, Fifi didn’t feel inclined to comment.

During my afternoon break, I asked some of the other women in the office what had happened. With great trepidation, and in no particular order, they explained what happened on March 17th. A fistfight broke out between at least four women in the lunchroom, including my second trainer. The woman who was accused (or at least, thought she was accused) of poor hygiene trashed one of the ladies’ washrooms and may or may have smeared feces on the mirrors. Jazz called out Joe for not being more proactive about the various conflicts in the office, had a meltdown on the floor, called half the women in the office a cunt, and was escorted out of the building by security.  After all that, a woman in the office who was seven months pregnant went into false labor, forcing Joe to call 911.

Upon getting the whole story, my representative and her associate came into the office and held a closed-door meeting with other temps from my agency. They wanted to assure everyone that yesterday was an anomaly, and that if we felt our work space as at risk again for any reason that we should reach out. The next few days went by without much incident. The pregnant woman came back to the office on Thursday the 19th, went on maternity leave a month later, then decided to stay at home with child. By the end of the next week, about a half-dozen people quit, partially because of the hostile work environment, and also likely due to the feckless management. A week after that, Fifi left work early and never came back.

A handful of people were either brought aboard permanently or promoted to team leader positions. Some worked hard to earn the extra responsibility, while others were thrust into the position because because certain tasks had to be delineated (myself included). The inexperience was often transparent, and the people that knew what to do were overwhelmed. Another round of new people came in, and by mid-May there had been at least 50% turnover from when I started. In mid-June that was another round of firings triggered by a new wave of drama, mostly petty squabbles. There were trainees in the office almost every Monday. By early August there had been 90% turnover since March.

At about that time, we found out that RevMD and Rural Metro had been bought out by a larger, more prominent ambulance service. They promised that the entire staff would be made into permanent employees, and that they would move the office to larger, much nicer location. I perceived it as the latest in a long line of empty promises, but for the sake of my own job, I kept my mouth shut. A few days later, after my shift had ended I got a phone call from my agency; they were pulling me from the assignment. It confirmed what I had suspected: the management liked me, but didn’t necessarily “love” me. After staying in touch with a handful of other RevMD temps and employees, I found that the near-constant hiring and firings continued, and that there was a massive layoff in January 2016. To the best of my knowledge, Joe is still there.

In the interim, I’ve had other temp positions, all short-term. I feel more content substitute teaching, a field that I stumbled into after college. It wasn’t the field I pursued, but I find it far more fulfilling than in a lowly temp position. When summer break starts, I’ll likely find another short-term temp opportunity, something to keep me afloat until mid-August. Temping offers consistency, but the room for achievement and advancement is minuscule. And yet, I still can’t quite live down those five crazy months at RevMD (and I’m only telling you part of the story). Some things just aren’t worth a good paycheck.

Saturday, March 5, 2016

What's the Frequency, Stuart?

First of all, my belated thanks to everyone who extended their condolences a few weeks ago. My family is moving on, and we appreciate the positive thoughts.

Secondly, I really haven't had a chance to explain what I've been doing or working on recently. At the moment, I'm focusing on substitute teaching; I'm considering going back to school for a secondary education degree. Right now I'm eligible to sub in about 40% of the districts in my area; a full teaching license on top of a sub license would give me full eligibility. A full-time teaching position wouldn't be bad, either.

Thirdly, I'm in a bunch of shows this month. My improv duo Flower Shop Bangers is playing the Second City in Chicago for the first time tonight at 10pm, and again next Saturday. Additionally, I'm still writing and producing; I'm hosting another "Power Couples of Improv" show on March 21, and I'm working on a solo sketch revue. If you're in or near Chicago, I hope you check out at least one of these shows.

Next Week: the story of the St. Patrick's Day Massacre.

(509)

Friday, February 26, 2016

Stick a Fork in the Silver Spoon

I wrote my previous blog just before the South Carolina primary, where former Florida Governor (and early front-runner) Jeb Bush finally suspended his campaign. In a free-for-all primary season where big egos and bluster have eclipsed insight and experience, the son and brother of former presidents might have been the greatest punchline of all. In a party gradually being taken over by reactionaries, Bush run as a moderate. In a race of populists and first-time candidates, Bush was a seasoned pro. Where the aforementioned neophytes lead the polls, Bush proved a hapless and undesirable candidate. Asking for his brother's help was a desperate last resort. I would take pity on him, but as a pro-gun, pro-life oligarch that waffled on marriage equality, it's kind of hard to see what Bush's appeal was, even as an underdog. In a sad sort of way, he was like the mirror image of Democratic also-ran Martin O'Malley; he had some good ideas, but his campaign was doomed almost from the beginning.

For those of you reading this that are moderate conservatives and hate Donald Trump just as much as I do, this is your best hope.

Other notes:

+ Speaking of the GOP, can someone please explain to me why Dr. Ben Carson is still running?

+ For those of you in the Chicago area, I have a number of shows up coming up in March. My improv duo Flower Shop Bangers are playing the deMaat Theater at Second City (1608 N. Wells) at 10pm on March 5th and 12th. Additionally, I'm hosting a couples-themed improv show on Monday, March 21st at MCL Chicago in Lakeview. This is on top of my every-other-week gig with Kelly Machiavelli at One Group Mind; they play March 4th and 18th at 8pm. See you there!

+ If anyone was wondering, my Oscar picks are: The Revenent, Alejandro G. Inarritu, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brie Larson, Tom Hardy, Alicia Vikander, "Inside Out."

(508)

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Down The Stretch They Come

They finally started dropping like flies. At one point late last summer, there were 23 official candidates (six Democrats and 17 Republicans) vying for their party's nomination; by mid-February, the dogfight had been whittled down to two Democrats and six Republicans. With the possible exception of the ever-optimistic Gov. John Kasich, nearly all the candidates that didn't make an splash in the early going never gained momentum. Bottom-feeders and underfunded candidates like Lindsay Graham and Jim Gilmore couldn't find any substantial momentum; however, where Graham was out of the race by Christmas, Gilmore somehow lingered around until after the New Hampshire primary.

So who's left? The race for the Democratic party was going to be Hillary Clinton vs. Bernie Sanders all along. Even if Clinton (and most analysts) thought she was a sure shot last summer, there is a faction of her own party that doesn't think she's liberal enough to represent a party that is shifting further to the left. Secretary Clinton might be more qualified than the grass roots, rough at the seems Senator Sanders, but her flip-flopping and checkered history might be her undoing. Sanders is too much of an idealist (sound familiar?) but he's a worthy alternative.

Meanwhile, the Republicans and its remaining challengers represent a Grand Old Party on the cusp of a schism. Where the seemingly unstoppable Trump circus leads the pack, a fair number of Republicans would rather have a mainline conservative (Jeb Bush), an eager moderate (Kasich), a young, feisty Tea Party candidate (Marco Rubio), a literal interpretor of the Constitution (Ted Cruz), or an Christian-conservative outsider (Ben Carson) lead the way. In all likelihood, the upcoming South Carolina primary will determine who will land the nomination in August, as well as the soul of the GOP. Even if 30% of Republicans would rather have the brash billionaire, that means 70% of the party --and if I have my math right, 85% of the general populace-- would rather vote for anyone but Trump come November.

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Sunday, February 14, 2016

Radio Dazed

From 1999 to 2010, I worked at a radio station in some capacity. This ultimately fruitless pursuit of a life's dream could be broken down into four chapters. Chapter one would be my 3 1/2 years with WDGC-FM, my high school station. Chapter two (and to some extent, the epilogue) took place at 90.9 FM WDCB, my first paying job and as well as my first taste of professional radio. The final chapter was my two tumultuous years at Salem Communications' Chicago branch. The third chapter, however was relatively short but carried the longest-term consequences.

I was persuaded into going to community college after graduating high school. I was dead set upon attending North Central College in nearby Naperville, but the cost of tuition for a four-year private school forced my hand. As I was wrapping up my associates degree, I did some research on other schools, partially out of curiosity. I discovered that not only did Illinois State University's radio station (and school of communications) offer a higher quality program, but it was more cost-effective. After a short discussion with my parents, I set my sights on transferring to ISU in January 2006.

After settling into my dorm room at Watterson Towers and purchasing my textbooks, my first order of business was to get acquainted with the student radio station. I had first visited Z106 when I was on campus the previous October; I was impressed by the quality of the station's aesthetic and the various IBA accolades it had received over the years. I attended an open meeting where each department director (music, promotions, news and sports, etc.) introduced themselves and explained what they were seeking in a staff member. I ended up applying for four departments: rock music staff, rock DJ, traffic/billing, and sales. I eventually worked in three of these departments, but was only hired for the rock music staff.

For my first semester at Z106, I largely kept a low profile. I was happy to be there, but I didn't want to make waves. I tried out as a rock DJ again in May 2006, with a new programming director proctoring the auditions. Because of a miscommunication, I didn't know I made the cut until two weeks before Fall Semester started. After that, my presence around the office grew incrementally. By my third semester, I had been assigned to a special project reorganizing the station's manager handbook (the station bible, so to speak) and held two on-air shifts. After spending the Summer of 2007 interning at the station, I was on rock music staff, a rock DJ, an undergraduate teaching assistant, and working in the station's traffic/accounts receivable department. I had made a plethora of friends and contacts, and graduated in December 2007 thinking the impact I had made at Z106 would transition into a long career in the radio industry.

I soon discovered, however that staying in touch was easier said than done. Of the three people that made the greatest impact for me during my time at Z106, there's one person I've only run into twice since graduating (both in the same weekend in 2011), one I last saw the month after I graduated, and one right before I graduated. Social media helps, but the opportunity to have lunch or even grab a beer is scant to physically impossible. I blame part of that on geography, but also on a mountain of miscommunication.

Sometime in late 2009, I noticed that I was unfriended on Facebook by a fourth Z106 cohort. This particular girl was short in stature but big in personality; she was an aspiring comedian of sorts, and had created a persona of being bubbly and vapid. (Her signature bit of sorts was asking "what's a Porter Moser?" after our men's basketball coach was sacked.) At the same time, the station could be a hornet's nest of drama, and her cliquish and entitled mindset sometimes drove that undercurrent of tension. At the same time, I was on good terms with her (so I thought) and never had a personal issue with her.

After realizing I was unfriended, I waited a few days to message this girl and talk things out, but I never got a straight answer. I sent a friend request, which over six years later is still pending. When the station held its 30th anniversary reunion at Homecoming 2011, I approached a group of people that I was cordial with, with the girl in question somewhere in the middle of the cluster. Since I really hadn't discussed the situation with anyone, and didn't want to look squirrelly, I approached everyone in the group with a handshake and a hug. When it was this girl's turn, I embraced her gingerly and moved on to the next person; as I did so, she clenched a teeth for a split-second and muttered "well fuck, he's a hugger."

I don't think we spoke for the remainder of the evening.

Though this girl is not the only former co-worker to unfriend me on Facebook, she might have been the most astonishing. A couple of my old peers simply weren't that close, and as near as I can tell there's no tension between us. Another co-worker, the assistant traffic director during my one semester in that department, unfriended virtually everyone in our office and has totally fallen off the grid. One girl that I nominated for Staffer of the Semester (and ended up sharing the honor) proved to be humorless and easily offended. Granted, she wasn't that easygoing to begin with, but she was reliable and I admired her work ethic. In a way, her unfriending me in late 2012 felt like looking the gift horse in the mouth.

Admittedly, I am driving down to Normal in early April with some trepidation. The visit will be succinct; I'm attending a wedding in Texas the same weekend, so my time back at Z106 (now just WZND) will be somewhat abbreviated. There are a few people that I know will be happy to see me and vice versa, but it will be tricky to navigate around some of the drama and unresolved tension that lingers on after all this time. My career in radio didn't work out, and for most of the Z106 staff in the mid-to-late 2000s, they also saw their broadcasting pursuits sputter out a few years after graduation. We were a group of disparate college kids with a common goal. And we're gonna celebrate.

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