Through a Freshman's Eyes: Millennium Edition

[Ed. note: I'm doing this a little earlier than usual this year. You'll see why in my next post.]

Another graduation season looms. For the eighth year in a row, and as the time gap between my high school graduation and this year's class widens, I am reminded not only of my lurching obsolescence, but also the variance in perspective. The scary part, and something to bear in mind as you read this year's list, is that the current crop of high school seniors have no recollection of the 20th century. In fact, about two-thirds of them were born after Saturday, January 1st, 2000.

With that said, if you are a graduating senior...

...Bashar al-Assad has always been President of Syria.
...Vladimir Putin has always been "President" of Russia.
...Elián González has always lived in Cuba.
...Hillary Clinton has always been the politician in the family.
...your parents' PC has never had issues with being "compliant."
...you have vague childhood memories of a phone-like device called a Blackberry.
...music has always been downloadable, and with relative ease.
...Amazon has always been eating away at brick-and-mortar retail stores.
...there have always been internet-only movies. (click here)
...online dating, blogging, flash drives and GPS have always been a thing.
...they have never read LIFE magazine.
...the Pyrenean ibex has always been extinct.
...the comic strip "Peanuts" has always been in repeats (applies only to anyone under age 18 that has ever read a newspaper).
...you've never seen the original lineup of Smashing Pumpkins or Screaming Trees play live.
...Prince has never been referred to as "The Artist" or by an incomprehensible symbol.
...there have always been Latin Grammys.
...Madonna has always been faking a British accent.
...reality shows have always dominated network television.
...its always been okay for two men to kiss on network television.
...you have never watched TGIF.
...Regis Philbin and Kathie Lee Gifford have never hosted a talk show together.
...David Letterman has always been the survivor of quintuple-bypass surgery.
...Vince Carter, Dirk Nowitski, and Manu Ginóbili have always played in the NBA.
...Tom Brady, Adam Vinatieri, Phil Dawson, and Sebastian Janikowski have always played in the NFL.
...Matt Cullen and Zdeno Chara have always played in the NHL.
...Adrian Beltre has always played third base in the majors.
...Bartolo Colon has not only always been a Major League pitcher, but he's always been on the chunky side.
...speaking of MLB, the National and American Leagues have never been seperate legal entities.
...Catfish Hunter, Allen Funt, Wilt Chamberlain, Payne Stewart, Walter Payton, Madeline Kahn, Mary Kay Bergman, Rick Danko, Curtis Mayfield, "Q" from the James Bond movies, Clayton Moore, Nat Adderley, Don Martin, Bob Lemon, Hedy Lamarr, Doug Henning, Charles M. Schulz, Sid Abel, Derrick Thomas, the guy from the Ernest movies, Lee Petty, Adam Petty, Larry Linville, Douglas Fairbanks Jr, Sir John Gielgud, Johnnie Taylor, Nancy Marchand, David Tomlinson, Walter Matthau, Sir Alec Guinness, and Carl Barks have always been dead.

(588)

That Wonderful Year in Music... 2000

When I was growing up, the year 2000 was subconciously associated with the future and all that it entailed: progress, maturity, technology, uncertainty. This especially makes it hard to fathom that such a mystical year was a whole decade ago. I think it's fair to say that all the space-age sturm und drang that science fiction writers first envisioned in the mid-20th century is not going to happen --especially if said story took place in the first decade of the millennium, like so many did-- yet the myriad technological advances of the past decade are a blunt reminder that perhaps the future is now and that we undoubtly control our own destiny.

On a personal level, 2000 was my first full year as a high school disk jockey. Where my peers were playing bubblegum pop, unintelligible death metal, or "hits" from bands on the local scene, I ensconced myself into a classic rock comfort zone. If the song was recorded somewhere between 1966 and 1981, more likely than not I played it. Though current musical trends didn't interest me at the time, most of the artists mentioned below were in my peripheral and received regular airplay at the station. Like my 1999 list, I didn't discover most of these acts until after high school, when I finally tired of mimicking '70s AOR and searched for a new challenge.

BEST ALBUMS

1. Kid A, Radiohead. When you think about it, Radiohead had no right to record three straight masterpiece albums. They already proved their mettle on The Bends and OK Computer, so where would they go from there? Maybe Kid A succeeds because it moves in the opposite direction of its two predecessors. Upon first listen it's hard to pin down a distinct musical shape or hook; on top of that, there's no obvious single and the newfound electronic swirls are especially cold and detached. After the second and third listens the mystique dissipates, and you slowly realize that this difficult and alienating disc is a statement, a genius effort to say the least.

2. The Marshall Mathers LP, Eminem. It would be pretty hard to paint Eminem as a sympathetic character if he weren't such a talented musician (or was, anyway). The Mathers persona would be ungainly in less delicate hands; why would anyone bother to listen to a tempermental, wifebeating homophobe? Where most of the mainstream rap scene was regressing towards insipid songs about bling and booty, Enimem kept it real in the most visceral and outrageous manner possible. Paired with mentor Dr. Dre and a small army of special guest stars, Marshall Mathers spotlights a gifted artist at a creative peak he couldn't possibly match or eclipse.

3. Veni Vidi Vicious, The Hives. Not released in the US until 2002, this sophomore effort launched the short-lived "Swedish invasion" as well as the garage rock/DIY revival that is still simmering to this day. I fell in love with "Hate To Say I Told You" the first time I heard the song, and I was floored that the album from which the song was culled was just as raucous and energetic. At their best, Vicious is like early-period Kinks, only without the tact.

4. Since I Left You, The Avalanches

5. Mass Romantic, The New Pornographers

6. Stankonia, OutKast

7. White Pony, Deftones

8. All That You Can't Leave Behind, U2

9. Stories From The City, Stories From The Sea, PJ Harvey

10. Parachutes, Coldplay. Though I listed three debut albums in this top ten (see #4 and #5), you can't deny Coldplay had the widest-reaching impact of the three rookies. Initially written off as imitators of fellow British piano-rockers Travis, the success and critical acclaim of Parachutes and its four follow-up studio albums made people forget Travis even existed. "Yellow" was the ace-in-the-hole hit, though "Trouble" and "Shiver" are fine songs in their own right.

Honorable Mentions: Figure 8, Elliot Smith; The Moon and Antarctica, Modest Mouse; Furnace Room Lullaby, Neko Case & Her Boyfriends; Rated R, Queens of the Stone Age; Lost Souls, Doves.

BEST SINGLES

"Pardon Me," Incubus

"Teenage Dirtbag," Wheatus

"Little Black Backpack," Stroke 9

"One-Armed Scissor," At The Drive-In

"Testify," Rage Against The Machine

"Outside," Aaron Lewis and Fred Durst

"Babylon," David Gray

"I'm Like a Bird," Nelly Furtado

"I'm Gonna Make You Love Me," The Jayhawks

"Bohemian Like You," The Dandy Warhols

BEST VIDEOS

1. "Since I Left You," The Avalanches. This could be best described as whimsical juxtaposition; though the idea of a lumbering, breakdancing coal miner is surreal, the video has a lot of heart.

2. "Stan," Enimem feat. Dido. The most haunting song from The Marshall Mathers
LP is fleshed out with film noir finesse.

3. "Sexx Laws," Beck. Silly for the sake of being silly, this raunchy clip is loaded with wacky sight gags and double entendres. Plus, check out the Tenacious D cameo.

4. "Untitled (How Does It Feel)," D'Angelo. The R&B star goes full-frontal in
arguably one of the sexiest clips in recent memory. (Warning: NSFW)

5. "Yellow," Coldplay. Elegantly shot in slow motion, the quartet's breakout hit finds frontman Chris Martin wandering the beach, collecting his thoughts.

Your thoughts?

My Last Blog of the Decade!

Looking back at this past year, my taste in TV shows shifted ever so slightly. I've never been on a high diet of crime procedurals or science fiction, and I don't watch as many reality shows as I used to, so luckily for me it was a strong year for new comedies. As some of my old favorites continued to age, I found plenty of fresh blood to keep me entertained. Unlike my monthly music inventories, my list of five favorites is not intended to be complete; sometimes I read those critics' best-of lists, and it's like they're taunting me for nothing having HBO or Showtime. Nevertheless...
　
1. "Mad Men," AMC. Just when the muted angst and slow-like-molasses plot movement was about to drive fans away, some British dude gets run over by John Deere tractor. As grotesque as that scene might've been, it was an unexpected high point in what was probably the show's strongest season yet. The JFK assassination, the defining moment in American history that warped the perfected, Camelot-esque existences of nearly every principal character, was treated with realism, gravitas, and an unexpected level of shock. Memorable Episodes: "Guy Walks Into An Ad Agency," "The Grown-Ups," "Shut The Door, Have a Seat."
2. "Parks & Recreation," NBC. This show might be the pleasant surprise of the year. What was initally conceived as a slapped-together, in-it-for-the-money spinoff of "The Office" has become a tight political satire about the lowest and seemingly irrelevant rungs of local government. If this show was merely a star vehicle for Amy Poehler, P&R would've died a quick death. Instead, it thrives on the strength of its supporting cast; Aniz Ansari has found a breakthrough role in affable d-bag Tom Haverford, while Nick Offerman has proven to be a Rock of Gibralter as breakfast-loving sourpuss Ron Swanson. Memorable Episodes: "The Stakeout," "Practice Date," "Kaboom."
3. "Community," NBC. I'm surprised that I haven't seen this show on more best-of lists. Much like its fellow Thursday night comedies, "Community" revels in the latent absurity of its setting (a West Coast junior college) and the precision-like casting of its ensemble (dark horse Emmy consideration for Joel McHale and Danny Pudi). Memorable Episodes: "Spanish 101," "Football, Feminism, and You," "Debate 109."
4. "Modern Family," ABC. Though nothing will ever replace "Arrested Development" in most comedy geeks' hearts, "Family" is a strong heir apparant. Brownie points to Ed O'Neill for not playing his grandfather/sugar daddy character as a rehash of Al Bundy, and Ty Burrell may very well be reinventing the cookie-cutter "idiot dad" archetype. Memorable Episodes: "The Bicycle Thief," "Come Fly With Me."
5. "Better Off Ted," ABC. Like my #4 pick, "Ted" is the next-generation model of another brilliant-but-cancelled early '00s Fox series, "Andy Richter Controls The Universe." (The fact that it's produced by Michael Fresco and co-stars Jon Slavin is no coincidence.) Alas, it appears that nobody's watching and ABC is antsing to pull the plug, so enjoy this while you can. Memorable Episodes: "Racial Sensitivity," "Jabberwocky."
Honorable Mentions: "Glee," Fox; "American Dad," Fox.

Best British Import: "Look Around You." A wry parody of the educational strips that you watched in elementary school, with topics ranging from math to germs. "Look Around You" aired for two seasons on BBC earlier in the decade, but it became a cult favorite online and Adult Swim picked up the TV rights in early '09. Each episode is about ten minutes long, which also makes it perfect for viewing on YouTube.

Of course, no year is perfect. These were my three least favorite TV shows in '09:
　
1. "Sit Down Shut Up," Fox. A complete mess of a show, from the one-dimensional characters to the forced, repetitive premise of nearly every episode. What makes this especially disappointing is that no less than six major players on this show were alums of the brilliant "Arrested Development," including producer Mitch Hurwitz and stars Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, and Henry Winkler.
2. "The Jay Leno Show," NBC. I can't believe it took an overhyped time slot change to convince most of America what most comedy connisseurs have known since 1992: Jay Leno just isn't that funny.
3. "Secret Girlfriend," Comedy Central. A homage to '80s sex-farce movies, with "you" as the main character. There's precious little artistic license here; a unique twist on the single-camera concept is wasted on frat boys punching each other and gratutious shots of scantly-clad women jigging around.

I conclude my last blog of the decade (and the year, I guess) with a quick reflection at everything that's changed in the past ten years. What stands out most in my mind is the number of technological advances made since then. Think about it: in January 2000, there was no Facebook, MySpace, Wikipedia, YouTube, or Twitter, Huffington Post, or Townhall.com. There was no iPhone, iTunes, or iPod, though iMacs were still the rage. There were no plasma TVs, DVRs, or converter boxes. Three of the most-used search engines in the United States were AskJeeves.com, AltaVista, and Netscape, with Google just barely in the top ten. Blackberry was in its nascent stages, and was little more than an expensive walkie-talkie. Only a select handful of people had ever texted, and you couldn't access your e-mail on your cell phone. The majority of Americans still used a landline to go online. Even TV Tome, the for-us, by-us TV episode guide that evolved into the site we know today as TV.com, wasn't launched until June 2000.

It was a terrible decade in terms of foreign and domestic affairs, and a shrill and bloated ten years in pop culture; however, it was the American political dynamic that changed most signifigantly, and probably not for the better. In 1999 we had two major political parties finding a very delicate semblance of bipartisanship; that was followed by a gung-ho, all-encompassing Republican majority that ignored its opponents as it tried to push through a mountain of high-impact and controversial legislation while losing favor with the American public, which was then succeeded by a Democratic majority that was essentially doing the same thing. The rift between conservatives and liberals has grown exponentially, and the internet has become a new battleground for their partisan bickering. Political discourse has become a multimedia haymaker of illogical conspiracy theories, self-righteousness, and constant reinforcement of the same tired bullet points. On the other hand, ten years ago Gary Condit, Jack Ryan, Duke Cunningham, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, John Edwards, Eliot Spitzer, Rod Blagojevich, John Ensign, and Mark Sanford were still by and large upstanding public citizens, so maybe it wasn't all that bad.

What will happen in the next ten years is anyone's guess. I guess that's the thrill of the future; it's a big frontier where anyone can stake a claim. So many elements of our culture hit their nadir in the 2000s, and from this point there's nowhere to go but up. It may not be a clean slate, but there's plenty of room for opportunity. I wish you all a wonderful 2010, and make sure to savor every moment that you can.