32 Teams, 32 Haiku: My 2019 NFL Preview

If you recall from last year, my 2018 preview nailed it. Don't underestimate the brevity of my pigskin forecast. Regardless, its a new season and a clean slate, and I'm breaking it down 17 soma at a time.

NFC NORTH

1. Bears (11-5). A slight regression/expected; young, dangerous/D will still stifle.

2. Packers (9-7). More Rodgers drama?/Darnell Savage can't be kind/on so-so defense.

3. Vikings (7-9). Underachievers/abound; stud receivers are/stymied by Cousins.

4. Lions (6-10). "Patty Ball," year two/secondary improvements/and same old Stafford.

NFC EAST

1. Cowboys (11-5). Dak, Zeke, Gallup, and/Coop hit their stride; playoff wins/are still elusive. 

2. Eagles* (10-6). A full year of Wentz/is crucial; just enough depth/on O to contend.

3. Redskins (6-10). It won't be Keenum/for long; solid D is not/enough in DC.

4. Giants (5-11). Eli mentors Jones/Big Blue now looks very green/a struggle to score.

NFC SOUTH

1. Saints (12-4). New faces: "Who Dat?"/one more great year from Brees might/be enough to reign.

2. Falcons (8-8). These birds are stable/don't fix what isn't broken/Ryan's pass game thrives.

3. Panthers (8-8). Pass-rush improvement/needed; the offense is too/dependant on Cam.

4. Buccaneers (3-13). Not boring to watch/patience for Jameis wears thin/young, raw team struggles.

NFC WEST

1. Rams (12-4). A tough sked, spread out/"go Gurley go, Gurley go"/no doubt on rush game.

2. Seahawks* (10-6). No Clowney around/this front seven is unreal/Jarran? Badly missed.

3. 49ers (7-9). Jimmy G's fine but/MacKinnon can't stay healthy/improved on paper.

4. Cardinals (4-12). Once a baseball stud/Kyler must learn that pro snaps/aren't easy fly outs.

AFC NORTH

1. Browns (10-6). Relevance? What's that?/Even if these Dawgs fall short/they'll be fun to watch.

2. Ravens* (9-7). A defense in flux/no rush to admit Lamar/Jackson is for real.

3. Steelers (8-8). A strong running game/offsets Big Ben's age; could be/a playoff sleeper.

4. Bengals (5-11). Dalton, red bullseye/no one to protect him as/rebuilding looms near.

AFC EAST

1. Patriots (13-3). TB12, ageless/the dominance continues/in cupcake division.

2. Bills (7-9). A discrepancy/a wobbly O, stifling D/low-scoring mayhem!

3. Jets (6-10). Le'veon was an/upgrade, but I'm not convinced/Darnold is legit.

4. Dolphins (4-12). After fire sale/Fins' QB controversy/only thing to watch.

AFC SOUTH

1. Texans (10-6). Best of a weak bunch/healthy receivers will make/Deshaun look supreme.

2. Colts (8-8). These Luckless fellows/loaded offense carried by/...Jacoby Brissett?

3. Jaguars (7-9). Will Foles pony up?/A healthy O-line would help/nix '18 hiccup.

4. Titans (6-10). Make or break, Marcus!/New coach, more physical play/and modest results.

AFC WEST

1. Chiefs (13-3). A bolstered defense/Pat, beat Brady and we'll talk/but you came close twice.

2. Chargers* (10-6). Philip Rivers is/underappreciated/can't say it enough.

3. Broncos (7-9). Delaware Joe is/an upgrade ...kinda; the D/will force turnovers.

4. Raiders (5-11). AB's helmet woes/distract; I doubt Oakland will/miss this dumb drama.

NFL MVP: Drew Brees, Saints

Offensive ROY: David Montgomery, Bears

Defensive ROY: Josh Allen, Jaguars

First Head Coach Fired: Jay Gruden, Redskins

Super Bowl LIV: Saints 24, Patriots 17

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The Curious Case of the Amiable Aesthete

Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy 35th birthday. I will admit that it was not my intention to drag out my birthday festivities for nearly a week. It's been a busy few days, so I've been slow to reply to messages. Suffice to say, I haven't quite harnessed the Facebook algorithm, either; any time I gave a post a thumbs up, it landed on a mutual friend's news feed. I may not always demonstrate it, but I am grateful. Emotions may not come across in DMs, but social awkwardness permeates everywhere.

Also, for those of you who haven't read my blog before-- welcome! This is where I get serious, long-winded, and discuss what's going on in my life. Social media is for the succinct and the concise; I am seldom the former and rarely the latter. I started blogging in Summer 2005 and I've been on Blogspot since December '08. Besides my FB page, I'm also on Twitter. Your friendship and support means more than any birthday present.

Next Week: my 2019 NFL preview.

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All My Friends Were... Somewhere

I'm turning 35 on August 18th. I would probably be more excited, but it has been an oddly lonely summer. I typically have a flexible schedule during the warmer months, and I usually make some effort to meet up with old friends. This year, however it really hasn't panned out. A fair number of DMs on social media have been left unanswered, as have texts and the occasional email.

My fear is probably irrational, but I suppose that when people started whittling down their circle of close friends, I was among the first or second group to be phased out. I almost unilaterally get along with people, but in the vast majority of cases I've been an acquaintance or on the peripheral. While it is natural for friendships to phase out, and this sort of attrition is normal in your 30s, it is the close friendships of years past that I do mourn.

What am I attempting to express, however is hardly a cry for help. If anything, I'm in a wistful mood; my optimism about this sort of thing simply tends to waver. I mention my birthday because I genuinely enjoy when people leave wall posts on and around the 18th. For one day out of the year, I feel unequivocally embraced and appreciated. At some point on the 19th or 20th, that somewhat irrational feeling of isolation resets.

To everyone reading this, I've said it before and I'll say it again: thanks for riding along. I hope you stick around for awhile.

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Random Notes, July 2019

As I mentioned a few posts ago, I'm visiting Scotland this week. I'm all over the place in every way, shape, and form:

+ Robert Mueller's testimony crystallized why less than half of all Americans want President Trump impeached. Even though Mueller was somewhat limited in his responses, he refused to be complicit or give any independent corroboration. Trump's most ardent critics have been trying to fill the holes before he was even elected, and they failed. It's not totally hopeless, though; Mueller's testimony (and report) did not rule out indicting Trump after he leaves office.

+ Europe seems to be a far-right populist kick. The latest in this trend is Boris Johnson, Great Britain's fourth Prime Minister since 2008. Unlike Trump, a man who he compares to in an unflattering manner, "Bojo" didn't have much competition on his ascension to PM. Then again, Parliament elects who leads the country, not the people. In any case, Brexit has its most hard-line supporter yet in front, and he'll have to navigate certain key issues (like the Irish border) that still haven't been answered.

+ I'm still active on eBay. Check out what I'm selling here.

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My 14th Annual Fantasy Emmy Ballot

The announcement of the 2019 Primetime Emmys nominations is just hours away. I haven't had enough time to do my research for my self-imposed deadline, and I apologize in advance for presenting an abbreviated version of my annual fantasy ballot. Writing for TV remains a pipe dream, and being a member of the academy even more so. Without further ado:

Outstanding Animated Program: "Adventure Time: Come Along With Me," Cartoon Network; "Big Mouth," Netflix; "Bob's Burgers," Fox; "Bojack Horseman," Netflix; "Tuca and Bertie," Netflix.
Outstanding Variety Talk Series: “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah,” Comedy Central; “Full Frontal with Samantha Bee,” TBS; “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” ABC; “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver,” HBO; “The Late, Late Show with James Corden,” CBS; “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert,” CBS.
Outstanding Variety Sketch Series: “At Home with Amy Sedaris,” Netflix; “Documentary Now!” IFC; “Drunk History,” Comedy Central; "I Think You Should Leave, with Tim Robinson," Netflix; “Saturday Night Live,” NBC; “Tracey Ullman’s Show,” HBO/BBC.
Outstanding Comedy Series: “Barry,” HBO; “GLOW,” Netflix; “The Good Place,” NBC; “The Kominsky Method,” Netflix; “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” Amazon Prime; “Russian Doll,” Netflix; “Veep,” HBO.
Outstanding Drama Series: “Better Call Saul,” AMC; “Game of Thrones,” HBO; "The Good Fight," CBS All Access; “Killing Eve,” BBC America; “Ozark,” Netflix; “Pose,” FX; “This Is Us,” NBC.

Six Random Performances That I Hope Get Nominated (But It's Not a Sure Shot): Aidy Bryant, Shrill; Anthony Carrigan, Barry; Natasha Lyonne, Russian Doll; Richard Madden, Bodyguard; Billy Porter, Pose; Rhea Seehorn, Better Call Saul.

I apologize that I posted this just under the wire.

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Random Notes, June 2019

What's new?

+ Writing about Donald Trump on this blog has grown rather difficult, insofar that I struggle to offer a fresh and unique vantage point. This is especially because we all have a pretty clear idea of who President Trump is. The decision to back out of bombing Iran, and the postponement of ICE raids on undocumented immigrants --both 11th hour, both in complete haste-- has shown us the cowardice underneath the bluster. Nearly 2 1/2 years into office, we're all well aware that his tactics are loggerheads and threats, not discipline and critical thinking.

+ Theresa May bit more than she could chew. Her three-year stint at British Prime Minister will be undoubtedly defined by her support of Brexit and her abject inability to set any feasible plan into motion to leave the European Union. The majority of Britons know Brexit was both a mistake and a right-wing pipe dream. Here's hoping her successor changes course.

+ My latest summer of travel is in full swing! Since late May, I've already been to Omaha, South Bend, and Des Moines, and tomorrow I'm taking a day trip to the Beloit/Janesville area. With the exception of Des Moines this is all familiar terrain, but I'm making a conscious effort to see and do new things in each city. Besides my week in Scotland in late July (see WU #620) and my third trip to Baltimore in 15 months, I have tentative plans to visit more mid-western cities, while catching minor league baseball games.

Next Week: at long last, my 14th annual Fantasy Emmy Ballot.

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