Weekly Update #370

Congratulations, James Holmes. You just threw America into another endless debate on gun control. Well fucking done. I'm almost afraid to turn on one of the cable news networks to see some partisan talking head spouting off about the ambiguity of the second amendment. All it does is trivialize and distract from the weight of this tragedy.

There is so much about last week's shooting that makes absolutely no sense. First of all, how in the world did Holmes acquire so much weaponry without anyone noticing?  It's one thing to defend yourself, it's another to have more artillery than the army of Monaco.  You own a .45 Magnum? Fine. A hunting rifle? Whatever. An AR-15 assault rifle, two glocks, and 6,000 rounds of ammunition? Come on.

Secondly, who brings a four-month-old baby to a midnight screening? There is no reason why that child should've been shot, let alone inside the cineplex. If you're a responsible parent, you should've either done everyone you can to find a babysitter, or just say home. In a situation like that, an infant takes top priority over anything else.

Adding extra weight to this tragedy is that something like this will happen again. It's a horrible thought, but it's inevitable. You could push the gun control debate in either direction and it wouldn't change a thing. Somewhere, somebody is plotting another massacre, another tragedy that can only be justified in the shooter's distorted mind.  And what can we do about it? Just go about our daily lives and assume nothing will happen. Live with passion, live like everything matters. Count your blessings and savor your time on earth.

Next week: the year in music, 1997. I promise I won't be as nettled.

Weekly Update #369

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"Where's Jesse?" That's the refrain that Chicago has been singing in recent weeks. Jesse Jackson Jr, son of the activist and a strange bedfellow of Rod Blagojevich, completely fell off the grid earlier this summer.  After seemingly playing hooky from his office in DC, it was revealed that Jackson was at an unknown rehab facility in Arizona. Little is known about his condition other than what his close friends are calling a "mood disorder." Even his notoriously garralous father has been keeping mum. The Chicago media, famed for their persistence and glad-handing, is being shut out in every direction. It's not a major surprise, given his confusing track record of late.

A promising political figure when first elected 17 years ago, "Triple J" has ultimately proven to be more noteworthy at home than in DC, where is a very average, albeit quixotic presence in the House of Representatives. Rather than set his eye on higher office (Mayor of Chicago? The U.S. Senate?) Jackson seems more content to serve his constituents and nothing more. Jackson's connections to Blagojevich have done him zero favors. His star was on a slow simmer prior to 2008, now it's barely lit.  Triple J has carried his district in a landslide for nine straight elections, but Jackson's next run at the vote will be his most daunting.  Is Jackson really in a "bad mood," or does he know his mostly undistinguished run is near an end?

Other notes:

+ Speaking of Chicago, one of the greatest risks in local radio history has ended in abject failure. FM News, Merlin Media's attempt to bring talk radio to the other side of the dial, was an unlistenable mess for much of its one year run. The new ownership, led by the infamous Randy Michaels, took a perfectly fine (though middling ratings-wise) station like alt-rock stalwart Q101, canned and gutted the format, than replaced it with news/talk without a focus or purpose.  In a city where talk and music formats are virtually segregated between AM and FM, the idea of FM News was noble but woefully ill-conceived. My sympathies to those that have lost their jobs this week, but the chip on Michaels' shoulder only keeps growing.

+ Improv Update: I made a house team! As of two weeks ago, I'm now a regular at the Gorilla Tango Improv Zoo in Wicker Park. We have weekly shows Tuesdays nights at 9 o'clock.

+ Finally, I'm going to look backward, rather than straight ahead. When I wrote my first blog entry in June 2005, I hardly had an idea of what I was doing. The prospect of writing about my life, whether intermittently on a weekly basis, seemed daunting and a little scary. On the other hand, I've always been stronger at writing than in any other means of communication. What started out as a weekly series of trite dispatches became my soapbox, my confessional, and my means of talking about matters unrelated to TV on a web site about all things television. Most importantly, it allowed me to connect to my fellow users and contributors. I'll still be around the forums, but golly whiz if TV.com won't be the same.

Camera Obscura

Does anyone know what the numero uno topic will be for November's election? I've completely lost track. Two months ago it was women's health, than it was gay marriage, two weeks ago it was a moratorium on health care reform, now it's shifted (rightfully) back to the economy. The drive of both presidential campaigns has been just as unfocused as the media's attention to the issues. CNN, Fox News, and MSNBC are embarassing themselves more so than ever.

A few days ago, my Facebook friend Ben Douwsma (click here for his blog) pointed out something that I'd been wondering for a few weeks now: this election is 2004 in reverse. Think about it: an weak incumbent against a weak challenger. Said incumbent is beloved by his party and detested by his critics. Said challenger is the former governor of Massachuetts, born into a political family. The challenger also has a history of flip-flopping and pandering, and there's little to fuel his campaign other than "get the other guy out of here." Weirder yet, the challenger was considered the "safe" choice for the party's nomination after a rival imploded during the primaries. The only parallel I can draw is the hot-button issue: in 2004, the incumbent had a strong economic outline and a questionable take on defense; in 2012 it's the opposite. The question now is, can Mitt Romney obviate from the same issues that crushed John Kerry?

Finally, I was somewhat upset to hear that after seven-plus years, TV.com might be pulling the plug on user blogs. Worse yet, commenting will be disabled by the end of this week. Even though I "similcast" my musings on Blogspot, to me it seems like CNet is moving forward in their mission to deemphasize the contributors that built this site and turn our little sanctuary into a weird cross between Hulu and Futon Critic. I'm upset, especially because I'm powerless about this profile overhaul. The excuse is that nobody blogs anymore, but in reality CNet scared off half the users on this site and banned the others. Forum traffic is at a fraction of what it was five years ago, and chances are discussion boards will be the next to go. Regardless, I've been contributing and posting on TV Tome/TV.com for nearly a decade now, and if the ship sinks I'm going down with it.

2012: The Half-Year in Jokes

For those of you who are Facebook friends or follow me on Twitter (@heystu818), I've been  known to write late night monologue-style jokes as status updates and/or tweets.  Late last year, I collected my strongest jokes of the previous year into one blog entry.  It proved somewhat tricky to edit down, and given the fickle nature of topical humor, several of my stronger gags didn't hold up to the end of the year. Instead of saving the whole list for year's end, I opted to break it in half.

With that said, this is my "monologue" for the first half of 2012:

+ Paula Deen announced yesterday that she's a Type 2 diabetic. You can find out more in the next issue of "I Already Kind of Assumed That" magazine. (1/18)

+ Jay Cutler and his on/off fiancee  Kristen Cavallari are reportedly expecting their first child. Apparently, the Bears' offensive line is also terrible at contraception. (1/23)

+ Presidential hopeful Ron Paul says he has a big youth following. I assume that's because most people under age 25 think he's the guy who played Gandalf. (1/26)

+ Following his performance at the Grammy Awards, the question "Who is Paul McCartney?" trended on Twitter. Luckily, one teenager had the levity to say, "Duh! That's Jesse's grandma!" (2/13)

+ Ralph Nader announced that he has not ruled out running for president in 2012. Upon hearing this, the cashier at Arby's nodded and asked if he wanted curly fries. (2/16)

+ A new study found that 15 percent of Americans under the age of 30 don’t have a job. They even have a name for that group: mass comm majors. (2/23)

+ Rush Limbaugh is under fire for calling a college student a slut. As a result, Limbaugh has been invited to join Kappa Kappa Gamma. (3/2)

+  Tonight is daylight savings, so I'd like to remind everyone that you'll be losing one hour of your life tonight. If you watch "Whitney" and "Are You There Chelsea," you know exactly what I'm talking about. (3/10)

+ Chaleo Yoovidhya, the developer of Red Bull, died last week at age 89. Per his request, his ashes were mixed with vodka and sold for $12 in a douchey nightclub. (3/24)

+ A British historical society declared that Britain’s greatest foe of all time was George Washington. Better luck next year, dentists. (4/17)

+ The oldest man in the United States turned 111 in March. For his birthday, he got a steak dinner, a phone call from the Vice President, and a rotation spot with the Colorado Rockies. (4/22)

+ Rick Perry has officially endorsed Mitt Romney, citing his rival's love of country, his economic policy, and... uh... there was a third one... (4/29)

+ Levi Johnston and his girlfriend revealed that they will name their child Breeze Beretta. No word yet on whether the baby will be a boy, a girl, or a scented candle. (5/6)

+ A new study shows that a high-frustose diet can cause ADD and memory loss. I have two puppies. What time is lunch? (5/15)

+ Eugene Polley, co-inventor of the TV remote control, died today at age 96. Per his request, he will be buried between two giant sofa cushions. (5/22)

+ Taco Bell says it has sold 100 million Doritos Locos Tacos in the past 10 weeks. Also selling briskly since late March? Imodium. (6/6)

+ The Electronic Entertainment Expo is currently going on in LA. On display this year are new mobile games, 3D innovations, and a real-life woman. (6/9)

+ CBS has taken ABC to court for launching a reality show deemed too similar to "Big Brother." However, the judge approved ABC's other new show, "Braindead Italians of the Mid-Atlantic Coast." (6/15)

+ Teen prodigy Shouryya Ray, the boy that solved a math problem posed by Isaac Newton 350 years ago, may not have actually solved the equation. Worse yet, his classmates have grown suspicious about his girlfriend in Canada. (6/24)

Enjoy your 4th of July!

That Wonderful Year in Music... 2007

I look back at 2007 as a year of questions. It was a year where people asked queries like, "is 'John from Cincinnati' supposed to make any sense?" "who will be our next president, Rudy Giuliani or Hillary Clinton?" and "hissing fauna, are you the destroyer?"

In all seriousness, however my '07 was defined by hanging out in the basement of Fell Hall at Illinois State University.  It was my senior year, an as a member of the Z106 rock music staff I listened to and rated new releases for air.  I was also a DJ for three semesters, so I enjoyed this task both ways.  I did an internship in the station that summer, so during my down time I had unprecedented access to free CDs, resulting in an equally unparalled time of new musical knowledge. I graduated that December thinking, "damn, these last 12 months were a lot of fun." Suffice to say, listening to the following albums and songs made for a great trip down Memory Lane.

I wrote out a year-end list in 2007, and even though I still agree with most of my picks I did overlook a few albums that I hadn't heard in full at that point (*cough* In Rainbows *cough* Sound of Silver) and nearly overrated others (in hindsight, Mark Ronson's covers disc Version seems more "fun" than bold or substantial).  It was only my second stab at blogging about music, and these types of things do benefit from hindsight. I will concur with myself insofar that '07 was a bountiful year for indie-rock and electronica.  Five years is my self-imposed minimum of determining whether a particular song or album holds up, so what remains essential a half-decade on?

(parentheses note previous ranking)


BEST ALBUMS
1. In Rainbows, Radiohead. By default, this is the band's most romantic album. That is not to say that Thom Yorke and the boys have cheered up; buzzwords like "comatose," "nightmare," and "trapped" are sprinkled all over the disc. On their first self-released effort after bolting Capitol/EMI, Radiohead is more focused upon their introversion than ever, but instead of fearing society and technology the angst aims eerily inward.  For all the electronic abstraction, they just want to be loved.
2. Neon Bible, Arcade Fire (1). Trading sepia tones and monochrome for brighter colors --hence the title-- we find the Montreal septet beyond mourning their youth and having a stiff drink after a long day's work. Immediately dismissed by some as Funeral Part 2, the Fire's sophomore effort holds up as a distinctively wrecked and defiant effort of its own valor.
3. Sky Blue Sky, Wilco (2). As much as I adored Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, it wasn't until Sky that I truly "got" Wilco. Returning to their alt-country roots while still keeping one foot in experimental pop, their sixth album evokes Neil Young circa Harvest, the end result sometimes sounding like '70s soft rock. Newcomers Pat Sansone and Nels Cline make the disc, their organ and guitar work respectively meshing well with Jeff Tweedy's yearning harmonies.
4. Sound of Silver, LCD Soundsystem
5. Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer?, Of Montreal
6. Wincing the Night Away, The Shins (3)
7. Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga, Spoon (5)
8. Icky Thump, The White Stripes
9. Boxer, The National (11)
10. Back to Black, Amy Winehouse (10). Yes, go ahead and judge. Winehouse spent the last four-plus years of her life in the tabloids, a shambolic train wreck of a woman doomed to an early grave by her impulses and narcissism. What she left behind, however was a very promising singing career, demonstrated to full effect on Black. It was her second full-length, her commercial breakthrough, and ultimately her last completed statement as an artist. "Rehab" and "You Know I'm No Good" are great songs, with or without the baggage of historical irony.

11. Because of the Night, Kings of Leon
12. Strawberry Jam, Animal Collective
13. The Reminder, Feist (4)
14. Graduation, Kanye West (8)
15. Favourite Worst Nightmare, Arctic Monkeys. What sophomore jinx? It's not my favorite Monkeys album --see my 2006 list-- but it contains two of their best songs ("Brianstorm" and "Fluorescent Adolescent"). If the big complaint about their debut was that they owed too much to the artists that influenced them, than Nightmare is the sound of a young band finding its voice.
16. Kala, M.I.A.
17. Challengers, The New Pornographers
18. The Cool, Lupe Fiasco
19. Attack Decay Sustain Release, Simian Mobile Disco
20. Widow City, The Fiery Furnaces (6). In some ways, the Friedberger siblings are like indie-rock's answer to Dim Sum: it's delicious if you love weird things, but only occasionally is it accessible to newbies. Their 2003 debut Gallowsbird's Bark is a decent starting point, but Widow City is an expert-level feast. The disc alternates from baroque pop to free jazz to proto-Metal, sometimes in the same song. If you get it, you'll love it.

BEST SINGLES
"Chelsea Dagger," The Fratellis
"Ruby," Kaiser Chiefs
"Silver Lining," Rilo Kiley
"Back to the 101," Albert Hammond Jr.
"Don't Make Me Wait," Locksley
"3's and 7's," Queens of the Stone Age
"Thrash Unreal," Against Me!
"Lake Michigan," Rogue Wave
"Hard Sun," Eddie Vedder
"Falling Slowly," Glen Hansard & Markéta Irglová

BEST VIDEOS
When I said 4 1/2 years ago that mash-up were in vogue and YouTube hasn't caught on to music videos yet... I guess I wasn't looking hard enough. I missed out on some awesome clips. Once again, the benefit of hindsight.

1. "1234," Feist. This well-choreographed, multi-hued clip actually did air on TV... in a 30-second iPod commercial. That was enough to turn "1234" into a left-field hit.
2. "What's a Girl To Do," Bat For Lashes. If you don't mind the "Donnie Darko" allusions, this video is a perfect match-up of visual and audio atmosphere.
3. "Can't Tell Me Nothin'" (Version 2), Kanye West. A pre-"Hangover" Zach Galifianakis and troubadour Will Oldman chill out at Zach's North Carolina farm in this dance floor hit expressing Yeezy's ambivalance to the hip-hop lifestyle.
4. "Atlas," Battles. Their 2007 release was titled Mirrored. Therefore...
5. "The Underdog," Spoon. Inspired by "Russian Ark," this daring single-shot video depicts a typical, "humdrum" recording session with Britt Daniels and company.
6. "100 Days, 100 Nights," Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings.
7. "Conquest," The White Stripes.
8. "Young Folks," Peter, Bjorn, & John.
9. "Peacebone," Animal Collective.
10. "Electric Feel," MGMT.

Honorable Mentions "Smile," Lily Allen; "Long Road to Ruin," Foo Fighters; "Phantom Limb," The Shins.

Your thoughts?

The Lesson for Today

Even though I seldom mention this --other than when I'm rambling on about retirement pensions-- I'm a substitute teacher.  I just finished my second year at the district one town over, where I "teach" English and history at the middle and high school level. I've had a sub license in DuPage County since 2008, after a brief dalliance I didn't really depend upon teaching until after losing my job at Salem two-plus years ago.

One of the most challenging aspects of being a sub is the lack of training. Unless you have a full teaching degree, you're not necessarily prepared for dealing with a classroom of disaffected teenagers.  I went into teaching fully knowing I was going to be challenged, so in a lot of ways I'm learning on the job. Unfortunately, I had an experience several weeks ago that exposed my lack of attestation, and potentially hurt my credibility.

It was the last Friday of the 2011-12 school year.  In this district the seniors neither take finals nor prep for them, so they get to sit out the last week before graduation.  Even though the high school was only three-quarters full, the staff and faculty still ran on all cylinders. At 6:05 that morning the district dispatcher called, asked me if I could fill in for a social studies teacher, and I accepted.  I arrived right at 8 o'clock, only to discover that for the first two periods I was an aide and my presence wasn't needed. Third period was Mr. F's planning hour, so my first part of the day was suprisingly easy. Little did I know what 4th period would deliver.

My first real class of the day was civics, and Mr. F assigned his remaining students a video with an accompanying worksheet, worth 40 points and due at the end of the period.  Of the 13 students that showed up, a group of five or six (mixed gender) sat in a cluster on the front right side of the room. Judging from their build, I could tell at least one of them played football.  They were chatting away loudly as I handed them the worksheets and gave instructions.  One of the athletic extroverts even helped me with the overheaded projector.

From that point, things soured.  As I dimmed the lights, I heard a crash; I turn around to see a desk on the front left side had been knocked over. I asked who did that, no one answered, and I nonchalantly turned the desk right side up.  Upon playing the DVD, I noticed that the cluster was still talking amongst themselves.  I raised the volume to drown them out, but it didn't work.  From about twelve feet away, I could tell that the one helpful student had music blasting from the buds of his iPod.

As the other half of the class worked away, I walked over to the group and asked to be quiet and work on their assignment. Than, I asked the boy to put away his iPod. After refusing, I asked him again. Still declining my orders, I looked him straight in the eye and said "are you deaf?" The boy scowled, his friends fell silent.  Feeling like I had toed a line somehow, I gave up and walked back to my chair. The clique resumed their conversation.

Shortly after sitting down, I heard another crash. Just beyond my peripheral, I saw another desk toppled over, this time on top of another desk.  One leg left a dent the size of a quarter in the wall.  The girls in the group giggled.  It was pretty evident that the largest member of the group tried to throw the chair at me, but missed me by about four feet. At my wit's end and in no position to retaliate, I called the front office, explained what had happened and requested the dean (I didn't know his extension).

A minute or so later a tall, muscular gentleman tapped on the door.  He was the dean, and upon walking in he correctly assumed who hucked the desk at me.  At his orders, two of the boys were sent to his office; the rest of the group was broken up and sent to opposite ends of the classroom.  Before the end of the period, they regrouped and resumed their conversation; however, I was too fed up to just keep calling them out.  Finally the bell rang, and the rest of the day went by without incident.

Over that weekend, the incident kept circing around in my head.  I learned later in the day that the two students had a history of being problematic; I can only assume they were suspended through finals, or at the very least sent to their umpteenth detention.  I chronically wondered if I properly handled the situation; I had dealt with unruly students before, but I usually kept my cool.  Attacked or not, I felt like I failed myself somehow.

I had all but forgotten about the incident until last weekend.  I was volunteering for the WDCB table at the Naperville Jazz Festival when I struck a conversation with a lady visiting from San Jose.  She was a 6th grade teacher in her early 50s, and we were comparing slashed retirement benefits in her school district to budget cuts in mine.  As she shared, she mentioned how there were fewer distractions and gadgets 10-15 years ago. As I nodded, she offered a tip of sorts: if a student is playing music in class, ask politely to put away the device, or confiscate it. Don't order, just do. On one hand, the lady was merely giving fortuitous advice. On the other hand, she all but confirmed my anxiety. My instinct might've been wrong after all.

As I look back on my moment of weakness, I brace myself for the coming school year. What happens if that student has a long memory, and exacts some type of revenge? Can I keep my professionalism in check? I would ponder cutting bait and looking for work elsewhere, but I can't take the risk.  All actions have consequences, and now I must spend the summer  worrying about an unwanted cliffhanger, a lapse in judgment that I can't erase.

Next Week: the year in music, 2007.